DEAR HARRIETTE: It is football season again, and I am about to lose my husband for about seven months because he watches football games five nights a week. This is a tough time for me; I am not big fan of the sport, and we got into huge arguments last year because I tried to schedule family events during the season. I do not want to relive last year's drama. As a non-fan of football, how do I pry my husband away from the television long enough to spend quality time with his wife? -- Not a Football Fan, Birmingham, Alabama
DEAR NOT A FOOTBALL FAN: Stop fighting with your husband over behavior that you know to be part of his M.O. Why? Because you will be fighting a losing battle. Instead, make an agreement with your husband that you will do something together on one or both of his free nights. I suggest one night because otherwise he will be tired and grumpy. Your date can be anything from being together at home with the TV off to going out with friends. If you are able to plan something easy and fun, you may find that you both will look forward to that during football season.
Additionally, you should schedule an activity for yourself during his busy nights. Is there a class you would like to take? A hobby that you never found time to pursue? Football season can become your season of exploration if you use the time wisely!
7 months is an exaggeration. But, regardless, she must have known this before they were married. Why is she complaining now? I do think that sports obsessed people assuming that they should be able to watch every game they want and ignore the rest of their life, when married,is selfish.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
For one, if you can't beat em, join em. Get some fan gear, make snacks. Turn it into a party, etc. Or, that is time to go explore other hobbies and fun. However, if he can't bend a little then there is a problem.
I don't care particularly for sports, but DH can list the scores and rankings for probably every team. And that goes for basketball, baseball, football, hockey & golf. One of the first things he does every morning is check to see who won. It's insane. I used to get annoyed. Now I just ignore it and enjoy the peace and quiet. If I need him to do something I ask him and he'll drop his score checking to help. So, meh.
For one, if you can't beat em, join em. Get some fan gear, make snacks. Turn it into a party, etc. Or, that is time to go explore other hobbies and fun. However, if he can't bend a little then there is a problem.
She doesn't like it. That would be torture.
She needs to find something she likes. Hell, I'd plan a cruise with the girls and stuff like that.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I think he is being a bit selfish. 5 days of what he likes to do and no consideration for her, his partner? Choose a team dude. You don't HAVE to watch every game played by every team. DH is a professional coach and he doesn't do that. Pick the ones you want to see each week and disregard the rest. Have some consideration for your spouse. I can't imagine wanting to spend time watching TV instead of being with my spouse.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I think he is being a bit selfish. 5 days of what he likes to do and no consideration for her, his partner? Choose a team dude. You don't HAVE to watch every game played by every team. DH is a professional coach and he doesn't do that. Pick the ones you want to see each week and disregard the rest. Have some consideration for your spouse. I can't imagine wanting to spend time watching TV instead of being with my spouse.
Exactly.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I think he is being a bit selfish. 5 days of what he likes to do and no consideration for her, his partner? Choose a team dude. You don't HAVE to watch every game played by every team. DH is a professional coach and he doesn't do that. Pick the ones you want to see each week and disregard the rest. Have some consideration for your spouse. I can't imagine wanting to spend time watching TV instead of being with my spouse.
Exactly.
I agree, too. But they have obviously been having this argument for a while and it hasn't changed anything. She can either continue to fight it, or figure out something else.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
How does that help? He'd still be watching it at some point. Taping 3 hours of football a night would be watched.....when? It would still take the same amount of time- you are just shifting it. And most people don't enjoy games as much when they already know the outcome.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I completely agree with Mellow Momma. When I first met SO I thought it wasn't going to work because he was a football fan, and my only previous experience with one was my ex stepdad who was just like the guy in the OP. But we actually both compromised, I did like LGS said and became a fan, and he only watches our teams games for the most part, sometimes he watches his brother's team.
But 5 days a week is definitely a bit much to ask.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
How does that help? He'd still be watching it at some point. Taping 3 hours of football a night would be watched.....when? It would still take the same amount of time- you are just shifting it. And most people don't enjoy games as much when they already know the outcome.
She wants him to participate in family events from time to time.
So, the game is recorded, he does the recital or whatever, and watches the game later.
It's a possible compromise.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I can't relate to the OP on football. I love it and so does DH. I was raised on sports. My dad watched all the games he could - football, baseball, and basketball. DH's favorite sport is hockey.
I can relate to the OP on not having a shared hobby. DH loves going to the theater. I don't. I can take it or leave it. It's rare when a movie comes out that I won't wait for it to hit Redbox. What we do is park DS at grandma's and have a date night. We go to dinner together then he goes to his movie and I find somewhere to hole up with my crosswords. After the movie, we'll do something else together - get dessert or browse a store usually - then go pick up DS.
Maybe the OP and her husband can do something together before and after his game. He can watch his game and she can do something she enjoys during his game.
A televised football game is 3 hours long. So if it starts after dinner at 7, it's basically taking the whole night. He isn't helping with any household chores, he isn't helping with any homework etc if they have kids and he isn't doing anything that's connecting him with his partner. That's selfish IMHO. How many working women get to do their hobby 5 nights a week? 15 hours a week is a lot of me time. He sounds like a selfish azz to me. He isn't someone I would want to make a life with.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
