Dear Amy: My 26-year-old niece is getting married.
Her wedding theme is “Royal Wedding.” She has therefore requested that family members of the bride and groom (mothers, as well as aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents) dress in “royal” fashion matching her wedding colors: Men in navy suits, women and girls in navy blue or gold gowns.
Keep in mind, other than the parents of the bride and groom, none of us are in the wedding party.
My son has a beautiful suit he can wear, although it’s not navy blue.
My daughter also has a beautiful navy blue dress she wore to her prom that she could wear, but it’s not a gown.
My son is starting college this month and my daughter starts next year.
I estimate conservatively this wedding will cost my family $600 (not including bridal shower and wedding gifts).
I truly feel like my niece is being selfish and self-centered to request people outside of the immediate wedding party dress to her liking to fulfill her fairy tale royal wedding theme.
Is there a way I can respectfully decline to allow her to dress me (as I am not in the wedding party), or do you think I should cut my losses and go with the fairy tale royal wedding theme?
Royally Challenged Aunt
Aunt: “Cutting your losses” would not entail buying new outfits for your family to satisfy this wardrobe demand — no, this would only add to your losses.
It is completely acceptable for marrying couples to provide basic guidelines regarding the formality of a wedding, i.e. “formal attire,” or “casual/****tail attire.”
It is rude for marrying couples to basically demand that guests adhere to a specific color palette or theme. After all, at some point, even at a “royal” wedding, guests should be treated as guests, and not props (and of course, it goes without saying that actual royals would probably never be so demanding of their guests).
You should wear whatever wedding-appropriate outfits you have on hand. Tell the bride in advance. If the bride excludes you from photographs, gracefully step aside.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Even at royal weddings the guests wear non-matching outfits. From what I remember it isn't about the clothes but all about the hats.
This is just a stupid spoiled bridezilla. Who wants the entire guest list wearing navy?
I like the hat idea. Not forcing someone to wear a hat, but saying that "In the spirit of the day, ladies, please feel free to wear a royal inspired hat".
I actually think that would be really cool...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Wait, so requiring everyone (regardless of gender) who attends my wedding to wear a ****tail length party dress with an empire waist that buttons in the back and has cap sleeves in either white or royal purple made from silk or satin only is NOT okay?? Damn...
Wait, so requiring everyone (regardless of gender) who attends my wedding to wear a ****tail length party dress with an empire waist that buttons in the back and has cap sleeves in either white or royal purple made from silk or satin only is NOT okay?? Damn...
Well, if THAT's the case, that's what I was planning to wear to your wedding anyway, So, I'm good!
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
A man can rent a suit and I'd love to open a gown rental business for women.
The way people dress these days, I can understand needing to be more clear when planning an occasion.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Actually, isnt there already a way to rent bridal gowns? I could have sworn it IS an option. Or is it all of us sappy women that wanna hold onto a pretty dress? yeah, that has got to be it. Gosh, I wish I could get my dress out and wear it again. Say... when is vette getting married again? :snicker:
We got married in the Autumn and told people it would be a fairly casual event... not jeans and tees but sort of wear whatever you want in the spirit of the season kind of thing. This applied to the wedding party. Our party members wore Autumn inspired attire (warm colors or ivory or whatever) and we had people in anything from khakis with a white button down shirt and leather suspenders to crocheted sundresses. Everyone got to save some money and show off their own style. I know that not everyone agrees with this kind of thing but it really came together beautifully and everyone was comfortable. We also had open seating (as in, sit wherever you want). The only people who objected were our parents (who are more old fashioned and would have preferred an actual theme with gowns and tuxes). It was a beautiful day nonetheless and we paid for everything so our parents just attended and had a nice time after all. My dad was the only one in a tux but he wore that damn thing with a huge smile.
We didn't dictate what our guests wore to our wedding. I didn't even dictate what my MOH wore. I told her to wear whatever makes her feel her best. DH's best man wore the same suit he wore at his wedding.
My SIL showed up in a red formal dress. She was the fanciest dressed one there. Some people thought she was trying to upstage me. I couldn't possibly have cared less.
oh no! did you wear a white wedding dress? why did you? was ivory or cream or pink not acceptable?
I did. I'm still trying to sell that stupid dress. It's beautiful for what it is but I felt like a clown in it. I don't do formal wear and I loathe dresses.
The why is a very long story. Simply put, DH had a very, very narrow worldview when I met him. As such, in his eyes, ALL brides wear white and nothing but white. Why? Because his mother and his grandmother wore white. He simply could not fathom a bride that didn't want to wear white.
Actually, isnt there already a way to rent bridal gowns? I could have sworn it IS an option. Or is it all of us sappy women that wanna hold onto a pretty dress? yeah, that has got to be it. Gosh, I wish I could get my dress out and wear it again. Say... when is vette getting married again? :snicker:
Yes, bridal gowns can be rented.
I was talking about othe gowns.
Formal wear in general.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
You didn't use to have to tell people what to wear, people knew how to dress for things.
Not that everything should always be stuffy and uptight.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
There are several formal wear rental options for women but they are mostly online and you need to know your sizing. I mean you need to know what size you wear in which designer for which style of dress - or it doesn't work. They have people available to help you but nothing replaces experience with the particular designer to know what size you prefer. Rent the Runway is the most popular.
The OP bride is being ridiculous and needs to get over herself.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I wore a bright ruby-red formal dress for my GD's wedding - I showed her
a picture of it, and she thought it would be a blast! Go, Granny, Go!
I rented a lovely MOB dress when SD5 got married - I had one week to
put on a full church wedding & reception - including travel time! DH had
to sign for her (she was only 17 and pregnant).
"Mom, as long as we're getting married in the Church, can I have a
white gown?" - got it, including alterations, delivered the day before.
"Mom, as long as I'm wearing a white gown, can I have a bouquet?"
Got the flowers; arranged them the morning of.
"Mom, as long as we're getting married, can we have a reception?"
Ordered 2 kegs of beer (delivered cold to fellowship hall), a case of
white wine, 4 cases of soft drinks (delivered cold), and then we started
on the food - about 75 of their friends (invited by phone!) promised to
be there - and they were!
Lots and lots of potato chips, plastic tablecloths on the tables, and an
assortment of sandwiches - ham & swiss, PBJ (her favorite), tuna
salad, and BLT- enough for 75 hungry youngsters! All prepared in a
2-bedroom single-wide mobile home. My MIL's ironing board became
my only work surface. Fortunately, the small town did have a Party
City - my rescue! Disposable everything! Large bowls for the chips,
large platters for the sandwiches, and plastic glasses for the wine or
beer.
I wore a bright ruby-red formal dress for my GD's wedding - I showed her a picture of it, and she thought it would be a blast! Go, Granny, Go!
I rented a lovely MOB dress when SD5 got married - I had one week to put on a full church wedding & reception - including travel time! DH had to sign for her (she was only 17 and pregnant).
"Mom, as long as we're getting married in the Church, can I have a white gown?" - got it, including alterations, delivered the day before. "Mom, as long as I'm wearing a white gown, can I have a bouquet?" Got the flowers; arranged them the morning of. "Mom, as long as we're getting married, can we have a reception?" Ordered 2 kegs of beer (delivered cold to fellowship hall), a case of white wine, 4 cases of soft drinks (delivered cold), and then we started on the food - about 75 of their friends (invited by phone!) promised to be there - and they were!
Lots and lots of potato chips, plastic tablecloths on the tables, and an assortment of sandwiches - ham & swiss, PBJ (her favorite), tuna salad, and BLT- enough for 75 hungry youngsters! All prepared in a 2-bedroom single-wide mobile home. My MIL's ironing board became my only work surface. Fortunately, the small town did have a Party City - my rescue! Disposable everything! Large bowls for the chips, large platters for the sandwiches, and plastic glasses for the wine or beer.
That was an interesting week, to say the least!
Momala, it sounds like it was great!
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
My best friend invited me to her wedding and then said that it was a small wedding and all guests would have a task to pitch in. I told her I would witness.
I don't understand the mindset of guests these days.
When I was planning my wedding, friends and family were volunteering to help.
One cousin did all my flowers and pulled director duty.
My brother did all the landscaping and was usher.
An aunt and 2 cousins took care of the serving.
An uncle manned the grill.
Another uncle printed my invitations and thank you cards.
His mom baked and decorated the grooms cake.
Friends decorated and set up chairs.
Friend did pictures, another the cake.
Everyone insisted on bringing food.
Entertainment was family playing their own instruments.
One even wrote a song just for us.
Any time anyone I've known has gotten married, everyone pitches in.
But it seems like nowadays, guests go to be served, entertained.
It's just strange to me.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Most people have busier lives these days, and dropping everything to help with a disant relative's wedding is just not doable. Now with close families where many of the women don't work, I can see it being more common, but that doesn't apply to the majority of people anymore. Regardless, a good host or hostess doesn't EXPECT guests to do anything not show up.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I don't understand the mindset of guests these days.
When I was planning my wedding, friends and family were volunteering to help.
One cousin did all my flowers and pulled director duty.
My brother did all the landscaping and was usher.
An aunt and 2 cousins took care of the serving.
An uncle manned the grill.
Another uncle printed my invitations and thank you cards.
His mom baked and decorated the grooms cake.
Friends decorated and set up chairs.
Friend did pictures, another the cake.
Everyone insisted on bringing food.
Entertainment was family playing their own instruments.
One even wrote a song just for us.
Any time anyone I've known has gotten married, everyone pitches in.
But it seems like nowadays, guests go to be served, entertained.
It's just strange to me.
Perhaps it's cultural or regional. This would be extremely unheard of where I am from. No one is expected to "work" the wedding except those being paid. You treat your family and friends to a celebration - you don't put them to work for you. Hosting is about providing these things for your guests. Family and close friends are still guests.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I can't remember the advice columnist, but there was a letter of one of this about this recently. The woman's bf was recruited to help set up, clean up and work during the wedding. If I ever went to a wedding and was told I had to work, I would leave.
The only and I mean the ONLY exception is if you are a family member or friend who is also a vendor of some sort and you OFFER your services to the bride and groom in lieu of a gift. For example, DH's uncle is a photographer and offers his services to family as his gift to them. Well...he offered everyone except us. But whatever.
-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Sunday 4th of September 2016 10:57:11 PM
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I think is okay to tell the guests that the dress code is formal, casual, etc. but that's as specific as you can get without being unreasonable.
As far as family members helping, it sounds nice but I think nowadays with people living far apart you really don't have time what with flying in and all that. I did ask my older brother of he would mind getting ordained to marry me and DF.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
