DEAR ABBY: While our 6-year-old enjoys the positive attention he receives from his often unusual and imaginative clothing choices, his grandparents feel we are being “disrespectful to others” by allowing him and our other children to wear these outfits in public.
Neither my husband nor I was permitted freedom of expression as children, and we agreed that with the exception of health, profanity, lewdness, immodesty and adherence to organizational dress codes, that we would not restrict our children’s freedom of expression. While we often don’t agree with our children’s choice of attire, it seems prudent to choose the battles we fight.
Is anyone other than our parents actually offended by a pirate (sans weapon) in the dentist office, or a backward shirt at the grocery store? And if they are offended, does their desire not to see a costumed child trump my children’s need for a healthy outlet for their individuality during this phase of their life over which they have so little control? — CLARK KENT’S MOM
DEAR CLARK KENT’S MOM: I seriously doubt that anyone other than your parents and in-laws cares at all if your children visit the dentist looking like Clark Kent, a cowboy or his horse. As far as I’m concerned, your children should be allowed to exercise their sartorial creativity. It’s harmless.
A few years from now they’ll be getting pressure from peers about fitting in, so let them enjoy themselves while they can.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I agree with Abby for the most part - except for one exception. If you are invited somewhere with the grandparents and you choose to accept the invitation, then you should be respectful enough of their wishes to have your child dress normally.
And yes, while it is your right to let your kid dress in his costume - letting him wear his shirt backwards or inside out will make people question his mental ability and your vision. That's just the way it is. Freedom of expression is great - but so is the freedom to learn how to dress oneself.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
There was are times for expression and then there are times it isn't appropriate.
Caitlyn insisted on wearing her pink plastic play heels everywhere. Fine.
No, nothing wrong with a pirate at the dentist.
But maybe teach how to dress for situations and events.
Visiting the pet store? Dress as a lion tamer.
Dinner with grandparents? Khakis and a polo.
Grocery store? Be Zorro.
Church? Dress slacks and button up shirt.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I agree with Lily. It can be turned into a good learning experience.
The boy who lives in the house behind us wears costumes to school. The other day he wore his cub scouts uniform (even though he didn't have a meeting). I knew one of his teachers and she conveyed to me that as "creative (odd)" as it was, as long as it didn't interfere with class it was okay.
I have yet to see him dress like spiderman when going to church.
I suspect he'll grow up and be a costume designer.
I think it's fine to let them wear what they want sometimes, but I also think it is important to teach them to dress appropriately for the situations they are in. When they grow up, most bosses are going to frown on inappropriate dress - life skills include learning to dress.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
As a child I always wanted to wear my princess dress out in public but couldnt. I envy the sweet darlings now a days that are free to wear their favorite costumes on any given monday to the grocery store.
A couple of times my boys wanted to wear their costume in public. I told them fine, but when it came down to it, they changed into something appropriate. I did warn them that if they were wearing their superhero uniforms, they might be called upon to act.
My mother is the queen of manipulation. I learned a thing or two from her.
Her latest stunt was when the boys were real wild and noisy in the pool, she had them do a contest to see who could float on their backs the longest. Can't talk and move around when you're floating. I walked outside and saw three people laying there on the water, looked at her, and she had that smug look she gets when she's working her "magic."
My mother is the queen of manipulation. I learned a thing or two from her.
Her latest stunt was when the boys were real wild and noisy in the pool, she had them do a contest to see who could float on their backs the longest. Can't talk and move around when you're floating. I walked outside and saw three people laying there on the water, looked at her, and she had that smug look she gets when she's working her "magic."
I don't really understand why this is a "stunt". Getting boys to quiet down is an art form, and since this didn't harm them, I fail to see the issue with this situation.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I didn't mean "stunt" as a bad thing. She really is like the child whisperer. She comes up with the most interesting tactics to quiet them down that leaves me in awe.
I didn't mean "stunt" as a bad thing. She really is like the child whisperer. She comes up with the most interesting tactics to quiet them down that leaves me in awe.
Oh good. Because I was like - that's brilliant!
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Sounds like one of these moms who is going to be overbearing pushing her child be different. She is actually sending the message to her kid to just ignore societal norms. Yeah, let kids be kids. My son wanted to be Buzz Light year. And, there were occasions we would go out of the house to shop or eat out and I let him wear Buzz Light year. But, that wasn't some everyday thing which it sounds like here. Now, this is really none of the grandparents' business. However, if mom thinks that everyone finds it "cute" to walk around with your shirt on backwards or whatever, she is mistaken. There are times to put your foot down and say, you are wearing this today. End of story.
#2 likes to wear mis-matched socks. Meh, whatever. As long as they don't show and we aren't going to a nice place, I don't care.
That was the fad for DD and her friends the past few years, not anymore. But I didn't care. They were only wearing short socks with their sneakers so if they showed it was not a big deal I doubt anyone noticed. Choose your battles.
__________________
Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
It's a casual world for the most part. We are very casual. People don't dress up around here very often. So, most of the time, i really dont' care what my kids wear. But, they didn't go around wearing backwards shirts either. However, there are times they are expected to dress up which is a show of respect as well. I think you can teach your kids the difference.
Caitlyn did the mismatched socks, still does actually.
Don't care.
__________________
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
My grandma sometimes gets a bug up her butt about what DS wears because she likes things to match a certain way. I solved that by telling her to buy clothes she likes for him. She does. As long as he's dressed, I'm good.
The only thing I concern myself with, regarding what my kids wear, is whether or not it's weather appropriate. Yesterday, DD8 had a heavy, long sleeved dress on and it was in the 80s and humid. I had to talk her out of that because her school doesn't have a/c and they are outside a lot during the day. She would have melted. In the dead of Winter, DD17 will sometimes come downstairs in skimpy Summer clothes. But I am not concerned about their personal style. There is no place (maybe aside from a wedding) that we would go where their clothing choices would matter. I can't imagine a situation where a grandparent would assume they have any say in how their grandchildren dress. I could understand better if they were the child's guardian but certainly not if the child has parent(s). It's just not their place.
