DEAR ABBY: I am in a new relationship (six months) with a man who treats me like gold. He's kind, affectionate and a great man, except for one thing.
His office building is right next to mine, which is how we met. During work hours I'm extremely busy and don't generally have time to hang out or take breaks. If I do, it may be to run a quick errand or grab a sandwich with a co-worker.
Abby, I have worked here for eight years, and I don't invite anyone to socialize during work hours. He texts me that he's outside my building, or he says he just dropped by to say "hi" or "bye." If he sees me pull in at my office, he will wave me down or jog over to walk me to work.
My professional life has always been separate from my personal life. I need my work hours to myself, and I have told him this numerous times. I have asked him not to come by and explained that my 9-to-5 is for work. He just doesn't get it.
I don't want to end my relationship over this, but I love my job. It is important that I be focused at work. I don't think it's appropriate to be hugging, kissing and embracing in front of my office. We see each other after work every day. Please give me a solution, because I am at my wits' end! -- WANTS TO WORK ALONE
DEAR WANTS TO WORK ALONE: Because you have told this man repeatedly that you aren't comfortable with him dropping by during work hours or engaging in public displays of affection where you can be observed, it's time to "up the ante." The next time it happens, tell him you think he's terrific, but if he can't respect your work ethic and your boundaries, it might jeopardize your relationship.
This BF does not know and does not want to know boundaries. Dump him. He is possessive and checking up on her, monopolizing her time so she has no other life.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Yep. If they can't honor a simple, reasonable request, how is that going to work for the long haul?
Dumped a guy once because he was an insomniac and would call me in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. I told him to stop waking me up. He didn't, and we were done.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
You guys seem to dump everyone that doesn't do exactly as you want them to do! lol. Some people work in a more casual environment, where having visitors, etc is perfectly fine. Maybe the next door business is just like that. However, not every job is like that. I dont' want anyone to bother me at work. My kids were instructed "do not call me unless your hair is on fire". Then ok. Dh too. Dont' call me for stupid crap. Yes, if someone is sick or needs picked up or whatever, fine. But, no social stuff. So, she needs to put her foot down. She needs to tell him she has to put on her "Game Face" and focus on her work now, leave me the hell alone at work and I will call you on the way out. Then if he doesnt' take the direct approach, then yes, she might have to just break it off or whatever if it is affecting her job.
"I need my work hours to myself, and I have told him this numerous times. I have asked him not to come by and explained that my 9-to-5 is for work. He just doesn't get it."
You guys seem to dump everyone that doesn't do exactly as you want them to do! lol. Some people work in a more casual environment, where having visitors, etc is perfectly fine. Maybe the next door business is just like that. However, not every job is like that. I dont' want anyone to bother me at work. My kids were instructed "do not call me unless your hair is on fire". Then ok. Dh too. Dont' call me for stupid crap. Yes, if someone is sick or needs picked up or whatever, fine. But, no social stuff. So, she needs to put her foot down. She needs to tell him she has to put on her "Game Face" and focus on her work now, leave me the hell alone at work and I will call you on the way out. Then if he doesnt' take the direct approach, then yes, she might have to just break it off or whatever if it is affecting her job.
No, but when you've repeatedly asked someone to respect your wishes on something important and they won't do it, how does that bode for the future?
And it doesn't matter what kind of work environment other people have, the lady in the OP has told him over and over not to bother her at work. He's a BOYFRIEND, not a husband, and obviously, her work matters more to her right now than he does.
Between him not honoring her multiple requests and her job being more important than him, this relationship is doomed, so end it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
