Dear Amy: I am a divorced man who shares custody of a 13-year-old boy with my ex-wife.
Last weekend I became aware that my son’s mother had given permission for him to watch “The Exorcist.”
If you are not familiar with this horror film, some of the worst scenes are available online. They are very disturbing, and I cannot imagine anyone allowing a 13-year-old to view this film.
She has allowed him to view other R-rated horror films, which are highly inappropriate for his age. I can’t even believe it is a discussion as to whether he should be watching these films, but apparently she sees nothing wrong with it.
My ex-wife knows I disapprove. I have talked to my son about how I feel about these inappropriate movies. I have told him he can choose to watch better films, but at 13 he probably thinks it is cool.
Any advice? Do you think I am overreacting?
Horror-fied Dad
Horror-fied Dad: I do think that you are overreacting, but it is a natural overreaction, and it is very much within your rights to have your own opinion about these films.
Yes, I have watched “The Exorcist” (at least two versions), but there are other horror films that are much more graphic that I cannot imagine watching — or letting a 13-year-old watch. As in all things, there are degrees of horrible to horror movies.
Parents should consume media alongside their children to see what they’re seeing. (Is your ex-wife doing this? Probably not.)
But your son has the ability to see films or scenes from films online. Understand that he can probably gain access to almost anything he chooses. Also understand that his friends are influencing him, possibly even more than you and his mother are.
Explain your point of view, without coming down too hard on him. Ask him to describe why he is drawn to horror films and, yes, accept that it is definitely considered “cool” at his age to push this boundary.
At some point very soon, your son may start experimenting with watching porn. If you are calm and maintain an open attitude now when discussing these things with him, he should develop his own cultural meter when making choices on his own.
I hope you will watch movies with him, alternating who gets to choose the film. If I were you, I’d start with “Jaws” — still scary after all these years.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I was about 13 when the book came out & I devoured it. I saw the original movie but don't remember at what age. I think dad is over reacting. They are horror movies not porn.
I might have been a little older, but not much. I don't really remember. As long he doesn't start mimicking the movies or having nightmares, I wouldn't worry about it.
I can't remember how old my kids were when we started watching horror movies together.
I was about 9 when I watched the exorcist.
For the record, it scared me stupid. I still can't stand it.
13 is about the right age to start really liking scary movies.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
So basically, his letter did not get answered? He feels his 13 yr old is not ready for such a movie and I dont disagree with him. But basically the answer is that he has to suck it up?
It seems that way. When at mom's house = mom's rules. When with dad no horror movies. I guess he could take her back to court if he feels that strongly.
My mom disapproved of horror, my dad disapproved of sex scenes. So depending on who's house I was at, I saw everything.
Sorry, dude, but that's the deal when you divorce, you give up a lot of say.
Yep.
I agree. And I know first hand that the non custodial parent often complains unfairly of what the ex is doing or allowing the kid to do simply out of bitterness.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I have a guy friend whose ex let their daughter go and get a bunch of face piercings without even discussing it with dad. He was pretty much in a fuming rage for a while.
I'm so thankful my kids never had to deal with this.
Me, either for that matter.
They had one home, one set of rules.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I, too, ate up any horror movies or stories at this age. Kids love to be scared when they really know that nothing is going to happen to them. I think the dad is just over reacting, too...
On a different note, look at Grimm's Fairy Tales - talk about blood, mayhem, etc... Unless you get the book that has been cleansed of any of this.
I, too, ate up any horror movies or stories at this age. Kids love to be scared when they really know that nothing is going to happen to them. I think the dad is just over reacting, too... On a different note, look at Grimm's Fairy Tales - talk about blood, mayhem, etc... Unless you get the book that has been cleansed of any of this.
Nope, I still have the one that is about 40 years old where witches actually eat the kids.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Every parent has to make this decision for their kid.
I judged my kids reactions to other things, like Scooby doo, and went from there.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
13 is old enough for all "R-Rated" movies, with reasonable parental supervision. Horror, nudity, adult humor, et cetera. Anyone that thinks that a 13 year old hasn't seen or heard these types of stuff yet is in denial.
13 is old enough for all "R-Rated" movies, with reasonable parental supervision. Horror, nudity, adult humor, et cetera. Anyone that thinks that a 13 year old hasn't seen or heard these types of stuff yet is in denial.
Just because they have been exposed to it doesn't mean they have to be taught that it's okay. Why not let them smoke and drink too? I realize the legalities are different, but it's the same thought process.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
