(Photo: Getty Images)

It hit me a couple weeks ago when I was in mid swear, my cheeks hot with anger: The f-word doesn't mean crap anymore.

Here's what happened: I couldn't find my credit card. After upending the house and tearing apart the car, I decided I must have left it at Trader Joe's, where I'd stopped the previous night. So I grabbed my iPhone and asked Siri to call the store. Except she said she didn't have a listing for it. Which makes no sense because the store exists and I know it has a telephone and ...

Frustrated, I did what I almost always do when I'm upset.

I swore.

But instead of feeling better, instead of that slightly forbidden surge of relief I usually get from a profane outburst, I felt nothing.

► Fat: The ultimate f-word

The f-word, which I'd used quite creatively, didn't mean a thing. In fact, none of the profanity I used meant a thing.  Its potency was somehow lost.

And it turns out there's a reason for that. It's a reason that indicates a significant cultural shift — a shift led by millennials that is redefining social mores, impacting the way we speak and, maybe, the way we think about others.

But now I'm getting ahead of myself.

Plus side of swearing

While it may be verboten to some, a true taboo, swearing has long served an important purpose. In fact, it's served many purposes, which is probably why the average American swears 80 times a day.

Swearing may be good for our health. "Swearing relieves stress from pain and probably other types of stress, too,'' says Michael Adams, professor of English literature at Indiana University and author of the new book, "In Praise of Profanity" (Oxford University Press, $17.95).  "And when we have a release of stress, when stress is overcome by some sort of neurotransmitter in the brain, that makes us feel good."

Swearing serves as a clue to a person's intelligence. The old-school belief that swearing is a sign of a limited vocabulary is being discredited by new research. According to a recent study by Marist College in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., people who have an extensive vocabulary of swear words also tend to have an extensive vocabulary of non-swear words. Which means they have better verbal skills than those who don't swear at all.

Swearing creates bonds, a certain camaraderie between even the unlikeliest of comrades, because it signals trust. The thinking: If a person — especially a boss or someone else of authority  — swears in your presence, he or she trusts you enough to abandon etiquette and speak candidly. And that makes you part of the inner circle. "People who engage in risky behavior together form a bond,'' says Adams. "Swearing can be that risky behavior."

It's a generational thing 

The level of risk associated with swearing, however, depends greatly on the age of the participants; different generations think differently about swearing.

"I will let my swear flag fly when I'm at home,'' says Sandie Young, who is 39 and lives in Madison Heights. But, she adds, "I wouldn't try to swear in front of my aunts or extended family because they're older. It's not proper. It's not respectful. It's just that generation."

Adds Sarah Montone, a 21-year-old University of Detroit-Mercy student from Novi: "I've never heard either of my parents use the f-word. If I were to ever use the f-word in front of my parents, off with my head!  It would just be the world come crashing down."

Otherwise, Montone says,  "I say f---. I hear the sweetest people say it."

Sarah Montone (Photo: P.J. Gradowski)

Many of those people are her contemporaries.

The most prolific swearers in the country right now are young adults, or millennials, who range in age from about 18 to 34.  "A lot of times it just comes out in casual conversation,'' says Amanda Sweet, a 26-year-old Lawrence Technological University student from West Bloomfield.

Swearing also comes out at work; millennials are more likely to swear there than are older colleagues.  According to a recent study by Wrike, a company that specializes in work management software, about 80% of millennial managers and executives swear at work, compared with 56% of Generation Xers and baby boomer managers and executives.

Thirty-nine percent of millennials who swear at work say cursing helps better convey their ideas; 36% say swearing is a sign of their passion for their work.

Social media influence

Experts tie young adults' robust use of profanity to social media; the millennial generation's preferred source of news and entertainment is rife with profanity, especially the f-word.

"You play online games, you read Twitter, you’re going to see the f-word 100 times a day before breakfast,'' says Benjamin Bergen, a professor of cognitive science at the University of California-San Diego whose book —  "What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves" (Basic Books, $27.99)  — was published last month. "The consequence is younger people just get exposed to this word (and) it loses its potency."

To millennials — the largest, most diverse and most influential generation ever —  profanity, at least as the rest of us know it, isn't considered especially profane anymore.

Instead the most taboo words, the ones that really shock, are racial, ethnic and gender-related slurs — words that previous generations often used without hesitation. "We use these words like b----, f---, s---, ass because they aren't really related to everyone,'' says Sweet. "Our generation is very vocal about equal rights and how everyone stands on the same page. A lot of our rhetoric is no more shaming, no racism, cultural equality."

Amanda Sweet (Photo: Alexis Townsend)

 

The shift in what constitutes a bad word was especially evident in the way much of the nation reacted to the "Access Hollywood" tapes of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump talking about women. "No one talked about the fact that he said 'f---,' " Bergen says. "It was the use of the word 'p----.' P---- is used in a variety of ways, one of those is as a way to dehumanize.  That's what people react to."

Montone says: "Think of all those words that have to do with sexism, racism, words that make fun of disabilities. It's bullying. ... I have a younger brother with special needs. There’s been multiple times when I’ve stopped someone who used (retarded) in front of me.

"Millennials are very diverse and welcome diversity,'' Montone adds."Which is probably why so many people hate the words that attack certain races or genders. I would never use it (the n-word). Even when it comes on in songs, I don't sing it."

Better because of it

As kids we might have said s--- or f--- or any number of those old swear words to be rebellious or daring, to push the limits on what we could get away with.

As adults, most of us swear when we're angry, when we need to relieve stress.

But now the connotation of those traditional profanities has changed; those old words don't mean much, which is why swearing at Siri didn't do a thing for me — except make me feel foolish for cursing at someone who doesn't exist.

Instead, I think, more of us are realizing that the truly offensive words are the words that attack people based on their skin color or religion or ethnicity or gender. The words whose only purpose is to harm and divide in the most personal way possible.

And maybe this realization is a sign that we're on the verge of truly accepting each other.

Either that, or I'm naïve as f---.

Contact Georgea Kovanis: gkovanis@freepress.com or 313-222-6842. Follow her on Twitter @georgeakovanis