I sent a card congratulating her and offered to host a bridal tea for her. She accepted my offer of hosting a shower. Soon after, I was informed, by her mother, that they are getting married ASAP with only his parents, her parents and siblings in attendance.
They want to spend funds that would be spent on a wedding on other things. Now, she and her mother seem to think they get to make all the decisions about the shower, and I am to show up with checkbook in hand to pay for the event.
I have been cussed, screamed at and hung up on.
Is it too late to call this off without causing a big (or should I say bigger) row in the family?
I was under the impression that the hostess organized the shower and the bride-to-be furnished the guest list. Am I that much of an old fogey? Have things changed that much?
Curious Aunt
“Things” have not changed all that much. People who offer to host events should be thanked, and the recipients of this generosity should gracefully accept, offer to help and not interfere.
Cussing, screaming and hanging up on people has never been an acceptable way to communicate, and it’s not acceptable now. You have learned some unfortunate truths about these family members, and because you can’t please them, you should gracefully bow out and let them do what they want to do, on their own.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Goodness, I was thrilled to not have to do any planning with my showers on top of my wedding.
I had three, I just asked that none of them invite the same people, coordinate the guest lists.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Well, given that only parents and siblings are invited to the wedding, there shouldn't be a shower, IMHO.
You don't invite people to a shower, and not the wedding.
I was. I went to the shower, gift in hand, and smiled the whole time. I even smiled politely when as I was leaving, I was told by the bride "See you at the wedding!" knowing full well the wedding was a small affair that I was not invited to. I think she just said that without realizing her blunder.
I didnt mind. I was just happy to see her at the shower.
I had a younger cousin who invited us to her reception.
The wedding was very, very intimate.
Some were offended.
I was grateful I didn't have to sit in the sun, in August, on a bale of hay for 20 minutes.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
The letter writer is in a pickle. No matter what she does, she is going to be hated. Still, better to be hated and NOT out $$$ rather than be hated and on the hook for $$$.
Sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. Pissy people will be pissed at you no matter what. So, better to let them be pissed doing what you think is right.
This is easy to me. Back out of the shower and if asked i would be honest. You don't tell someone how to offer their hospitality. You take it as offered gratefully or decline.
I'd just tell her I offered out of the goodness of my heart because I wanted to do it, but that the controlling demands and verbal abuse had ruined any joy I had in giving it and therefore, they could just do it themselves and leave me out of it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Well, at the first hint of animosity from the bride or mother of the bride- she should have backed out with a "It sounds like you have some great ideas! Unfortunately, I am unable to provide the kind of shower you are expecting, so I'm afraid I must step down as host and let you find someone more qualified."
Well, at the first hint of animosity from the bride or mother of the bride- she should have backed out with a "It sounds like you have some great ideas! Unfortunately, I am unable to provide the kind of shower you are expecting, so I'm afraid I must step down as host and let you find someone more qualified."
I agree she should have done that but sometimes we are so taken aback by other's rudeness and such that we don't respond logically at first. Need time to process it. KWIM?
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Well, at the first hint of animosity from the bride or mother of the bride- she should have backed out with a "It sounds like you have some great ideas! Unfortunately, I am unable to provide the kind of shower you are expecting, so I'm afraid I must step down as host and let you find someone more qualified."
I agree she should have done that but sometimes we are so taken aback by other's rudeness and such that we don't respond logically at first. Need time to process it. KWIM?
Oh I know. It's a lot easier to give advice when you aren't personally involved. At this point my vote would be to go along with it. Let them think she is doing exactly as they say. But not really doing it. And then don't answer her phone on the day of the shower.
HAHAHAHA!!!! oh that would be so mean! Can you imagine snowflake bride's behavior at the shower itself?
"omg...I just cant take this anymore! I wanted everyone to play the 'get the wedding rings out of the icecube' game but Barbara didnt do this, my shower is RUINED!"
