Dear Amy: My husband and I put together a nice outside sitting area each summer. Gradually, more and more of his friends started dropping over. They don’t work and live to get drunk every day. I don’t like being around this, or the cigarette smoke.
It got so bad we hardly had a single day without at least one dropping over. After much wrangling, we finally agreed to one night a week for my husband to have his friends over in the nice weather. However one friend, “Dave,” started dropping by in the winter and would come inside to sit and drink. He has caused much trouble in the past with drunken behavior.
They both promised me that he would only come over at the designated times, but that seems to have slipped away.
I know if I give an inch he will take a mile. I hate coming home from work and seeing him sitting in my living room. My dad was an alcoholic, so I have issues. My husband is free to go to Dave’s house but doesn’t. He doesn’t think it should be a big deal if Dave comes over when I’m not home.
I almost left my husband when he didn’t limit his friends’ visits. I feel I have to firmly hold my ground, or it will start all over again. I would like to know if I am being unfair. I feel like my husband chooses his friend’s wishes over mine.
Upset
Upset: This is your husband’s home, too. He should have the freedom to have friends over. However, if you are at work all day and he is not, he has many hours to use the home however he likes.
Given the way you describe this situation, it does not sound fair to you. I can imagine how challenging it would be to come home from work to a drunken lout (or two).
Your husband and “Dave” should respect your reasonable request to limit Dave’s visits.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If she doesn't like the situation, I know I wouldn't put up with it, she needs to look to her husband. Maybe he likes the situation and so not the person to whom she should be married.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It's possible that her husband works from home or gets off work earlier... or is retired... But that said I would have a CTJ and the friend abides by the rules or I move out. Or hubby moves out ok. We have friends that like to stop by a lot. I tell them when I'm not feelin it!
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 7th of February 2017 09:06:05 AM
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Tuesday 7th of February 2017 01:35:38 PM
Yeah, I would have serious issues with this as well. Sounds like hubby doesnt want to confront the friend tho, so perhaps wify should come home and announce "Sorry Bob, it is closing time cuz the frat house isnt open till Wednesday. You are gonna have to go home. "
Maybe she should learn that old David Frizzell song.
Sing it loudly all the time.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
In no way is this an okay situation. She needs to have a lay-out-the-law talk with him.
It wouldn't be unreasonable if there was a "boys night" like she said they had arranged, and she could have a "girls night" too, to balance things out. But the other five days a week need to be "drop-ins free" evenings.
"They don't work" Um, yeah. You picked him lady. But, what they do when she isn't home, fine. But, as soon as she gets home say "the party is over", time to go home. That's it. How hard is that?
