DEAR ABBY: I have been married for seven years, and my husband and I have had our ups and downs.
He never thought he would have kids until he met me, and now we have two. After our second child, we agreed that we were done having children. I was OK with it because it seemed after each child our relationship became strained.
Recently we reached the point of deciding whether we would either separate or work harder on our marriage. We decided to stick it out. The problem is, while we were in the process of getting back together, I became pregnant again.
I’m afraid to tell him because I know how stressed he gets. I’m afraid it will be too much for him, and he will cut himself off emotionally from me and the kids.
This wasn’t planned. We were using protection, but getting an abortion is something I could never do.
I know this child will make things more difficult, but this child is a part of me and the man I love. How do I tell my husband I am pregnant in a way that may make the news easier to take? — AT A LOSS FOR WORDS
DEAR AT A LOSS: You should have told your husband about this the day you thought you “might” be pregnant.
You can announce the news by telling him that this baby is a symbol of your love and reconciliation, but whether he will accept this explanation is questionable. You already know the news will not be warmly received, so get it over with before your pregnancy starts to show.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
OK seriously, I'm sensing a theme in all these letters. Either too many women have become doormats, afraid to stand up for themselves, or there are a lot more dip-sh1t husbands out there than I thought.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
from the sound of it, she's not real enthused about a third child either--wouldn't necessarily write him off as a dip****--she stated that they were considering separating recently--why?
takes two to tango
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
from the sound of it, she's not real enthused about a third child either--wouldn't necessarily write him off as a dip****--she stated that they were considering separating recently--why?
takes two to tango
Yes, it does. And if he's having sex with his wife - pregnancy is a possibility he should be willing to face. I can't imagine being afraid to tell my DH that I'm pregnant.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
too much we don't know--particularly about her--kids are obviously stressful for him ( not that they aren't the same for her )and here she is presenting him with another after recently considering separating/ending the relationship--talk about three strikes you're out--believe the real reason she's afraid to tell him is that he will leave her--that's what she fears
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
too much we don't know--particularly about her--kids are obviously stressful for him ( not that they aren't the same for her )and here she is presenting him with another after recently considering separating/ending the relationship--talk about three strikes you're out--believe the real reason she's afraid to tell him is that he will leave her--that's what she fears
And if he leaves her because she is pregnant, he IS a dipsh*t.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
or, if he stays, he makes the next 20 years or so miserable for everyone, including himself--this after recently deciding to " get back together "--everyone has their limits
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
Having children means it is not all about you, anymore. And making everyone miserable is not the only alternative. He can accept his responsibilities and love his wife and children. And I'm not sure how it would be better for her to be left alone to raise 3 children.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Having children means it is not all about you, anymore.
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verdad--but as said earlier, we don't have all the information--WHY were they going to separate before(already having two kids onboard)?--that's rather a critical point, and she knows it and yet she doesn't disclose it--this is pitched entirely form her perspective, as the victim in all this--before we convict him for being a dip**** out of hand, would like a little more information
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
Having children means it is not all about you, anymore. _________________________________________
verdad--but as said earlier, we don't have all the information--WHY were they going to separate before(already having two kids onboard)?--that's rather a critical point, and she knows it and yet she doesn't disclose it--this is pitched entirely form her perspective, as the victim in all this--before we convict him for being a dip**** out of hand, would like a little more information
Unless she lied to him about getting herself fixed or taking birth control, or got knocked up by another guy - the rest of the story really doesn't matter. They both need to suck it up and deal with the reality that they have. They are married, she is pregnant. If a man leaves his wife BECAUSE she is pregnant, and it is his, then he is a deadbeat and a jerk.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
the rest of the story really doesn't matter. _______________________________
of course it does--otherwise she wouldn't be " afraid " to tell him
Please tell me what possible kind of situation, other than those I excepted above, would warrant or excuse a man blaming his wife and leaving her for getting pregnant?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
who says he would blame her for getting pregnant?---lots of reasons for separating--abuse, neglect, alcohol, drugs, abysmal parenting skills just to name a few
reading between the lines, would bet that it's rather about this being the last straw than about an unplanned pregnancy--everyone has their limits
-- Edited by burns07 on Wednesday 8th of February 2017 05:50:14 PM
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
who says he would blame her for getting pregnant?---lots of reasons for separating--abuse, neglect, alcohol, drugs, abysmal parenting skills just to name a few
reading between the lines, would bet that it's rather about this being the last straw than about an unplanned pregnancy--everyone has their limits
-- Edited by burns07 on Wednesday 8th of February 2017 05:50:14 PM
That implies that it is her fault. If he really didn't want more kids, then he should have had a vasectomy. As you said - it takes 2 to tango. She's not particularly happy about being pregnant, either. Maybe she should leave him with all the kids.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
