G and I don't do holidays. It's just not something we do. We don't celebrate birthdays, Valentines Day, our anniversary, heck, we don't even get each other anything for Christmas! We buy each other things all throughout the year. Little surprises. That's just us. And we are 100% happy with this arrangement.
This has bubbled over to the grandkids. I don't even think about getting them something for the "lesser" holidays (Valentines Day, Easter, 4th of July). It's just not something that is on my radar. I spend LOADS of time with them and buy them gifts throughout the year. But the thought of going into a store to buy candy that they do not need or another stuffed animal that they do not need seems silly to me.
They get SO much from their parents. I would rather put that $20-$25 in their college funds. But I have this nagging guilt. Like it seems that I'm not thinking about them or acknowledging them on "special" days.
What do y'all do?
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
it is fine. I really do not like when DD gets a ton of "crap", put the money in a college fund, much more practical and appreciated. Send them a card. Kids love snail mail.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Thanks guys. I think I'm having a hard time trying NOT to keep up with the Jones's. My EX spends an obscene amount of money on them, on things that they have no reason to have (a $45 Fart Gun, a battery powered Jeep for a 1 year old), and the other grandparents are almost as bad. But the consolation prize is that neither of the kids want to stay with them. They both cry the entire time they are left with them (which obviously isn't often for that reason), but they love spending the night at my house.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
I get my boys a card and something sweet. This year it's a heart shaped cookie. One each. Just something to let them know they are loved.
Personally, while it's not important in your relationship, it apparently is for your grands' parents. They want their kids to know the importance of celebrating the lesser holidays with gift giving. Not receiving something might feel like a slight, since they get excited for holidays, even the lesser ones. Maybe not, however, since you are the grands and not the parents.
A card, a phone call, something to acknowledge the holiday with them and wish them well is something "I" would do.
Guilt implies you are doing something wrong. Your "way " isn't right or wrong. We are very much of the same mindset. What does the parents of your grandkids do? Or , are they more low key? And, even if they make a big deal that doesnt' mean you have too. One thing i have learned in life though, are that things that don't matter to me, sometimes matter to the people that i love. It isn't all or nothing. You could just pick one Holiday and make it a bigger deal. Or, you can just continue as you are doing and they know that they are loved and there is no shortage of that or gifts.
I get my boys a card and something sweet. This year it's a heart shaped cookie. One each. Just something to let them know they are loved.
Personally, while it's not important in your relationship, it apparently is for your grands' parents. They want their kids to know the importance of celebrating the lesser holidays with gift giving. Not receiving something might feel like a slight, since they get excited for holidays, even the lesser ones. Maybe not, however, since you are the grands and not the parents.
A card, a phone call, something to acknowledge the holiday with them and wish them well is something "I" would do.
That's the thing. Especially at this age, they would have no idea that they didn't get anything from me for these lesser holidays.
LOL, I'll tell y'all a secret. Ever since my sister and I were little, the "Valentine's Man" came to see us. When we got home from school, there were bouquets of flowers, candy, balloons, stuffed animals, cards...all that kind of stuff on our front porch. The "Valentine Man" had stopped by and left gifts for me, my sister, and my mother. It was something silly my dad invented, but it still carries on...
I tell you this because by the time they get school valentines, Valentine man presents, and presents from the other grandparents, they have as much as a lot of kids do at Christmas. I just do not see the logic in feeding that fire...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
I give DD a $15 iTunes gift card and some chocolate, but I am the mother. Her grandmother sends her a card. She loves that. In the past, so many people gave her candy, and would bring all that candy into work, kid didn't need so much.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
One other thing I will share with you, is for Christmas and DD's bday, my mother gives her one real pearl. I have 24 now, enough to not make a full necklace but enough to make a gorgeous necklace on a gold chain. Mom also gives her an inexpensive toy/ GC. DD is really appreciating the pearls now. Every so often she asks to see them all. I need to have them strung. It is a great gift, heirloom type.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
One other thing I will share with you, is for Christmas and DD's bday, my mother gives her one real pearl. I have 24 now, enough to not make a full necklace but enough to make a gorgeous necklace on a gold chain. Mom also gives her an inexpensive toy/ GC. DD is really appreciating the pearls now. Every so often she asks to see them all. I need to have them strung. It is a great gift, heirloom type.
What a GREAT idea!!!! Remind me of that in May. LOL!
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
I think it is up to each individual to decide what is right for them.
I get something for my kids because I enjoy doing so.
It's never much on these holidays.
They each have a small gift bag, each has the same thing:
A Whitman chocolate bar, a small pack of party mix, I divided a pack of pixie stix, and a pack of snack size candies, each got a small box of sour sweethearts.
Oh! And each got a bag of trolli brite crawlers. They're sour gummy worms.
All three were a grand total of $18 and that includes the cute gift bags.
Again, I do it because I enjoy it.
I don't knock anyone for not doing it.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
They will remember the time you spent with them. If you feel the need to buy a gift get a coloring book and crayons and color with them. Buy them a game that you will sit on the floor and play with them. Get a ball and go outside and play catch with them. Make memories!
My maternal grandparents were not much into gift giving. My paternal grandparents were. I always felt I had the best of both worlds. Grandparents who were generous with "things", and grandparents who were generous with love.
One other thing I will share with you, is for Christmas and DD's bday, my mother gives her one real pearl. I have 24 now, enough to not make a full necklace but enough to make a gorgeous necklace on a gold chain. Mom also gives her an inexpensive toy/ GC. DD is really appreciating the pearls now. Every so often she asks to see them all. I need to have them strung. It is a great gift, heirloom type.
My mom did this for the girls, but never told them. She just did it in her own until she had a whole necklace. My mom
bought inches instead of a single pearl. Anyway, this Christmas Eve she presented the girls their necklaces with a letter for each girl about her birth and their special relationship. My kids were so touched they are speechless - and that's saying something!
Point of my story - do what feels right and the kids will love you for it.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
DH surprised me for Valentine's Day. He asked me to
drive him to the garden center - he needed soil for some
of his okra and tomato plants. As we walked in, he said
"please pick out a plant that you like - its from me to
you for Valentine's." My goodness! To give me carte
blanche in a nursery? I selected a Meyer Lemon tree -
in full bloom - and it even has three tiny lemons on it
already!!! It is already planted, and watered.
I usually buy him a stuffed teddy bear, with hearts on
it and the year, but that is so unimaginative of me, I
gave it up. Besides, they're just dust collectors.
When the kids were growing up, exchanging cards at
school was all the rage, and usually the teachers were
good at seeing that all the kids got about the same
number of cards, so no one felt neglected. We always
sent some extras, for the less popular students.
Tomorrow, we'll drive to the nursing home where his
sister is living, and bring her the flowers from Church -
they were for me, for my birthday, but I think she'll
enjoy them more.
Thanks guys. I think I'm having a hard time trying NOT to keep up with the Jones's.
- Ohfour
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I think, that to "keep up with the Jones's" (as you call it), you'd have to slow down. You are way ahead of them on the grading curve in my book, by doing what you are doing now, the way that you are doing it.
They get SO much from their parents. I would rather put that $20-$25 in their college funds. But I have this nagging guilt. Like it seems that I'm not thinking about them or acknowledging them on "special" days
Late to this thread, but you sound like a wonderful and wise grandmother to me. No need to feel guilty!
I agree kids get way too much junk that they barely even notice when they get something. But I think a phone call and/or a card in the mail would be a good idea. But you don't even really have to do that. You spend lots of time with them and that is by far the best way to show them they are loved. My husbands parents never spent any time (or money) with them, and my kids who are now young adults have very little if any love for them. But my mother who spent lots of time with them, they love her like crazy.
I think if a grandparent can't spend time with a grandchild because of distance or some other reason, they should do things like skype, or be pen pals, or some other way of connecting. That goes a long way. Just don't ignore the kid. The kid will not forget being ignored, THAT I can say for sure.
-- Edited by sweet tooth on Tuesday 14th of February 2017 08:44:59 AM
OK - voice of dissent. You and G agree you don't care about that stuff, and that's great. But the kids are not part of that "agreement" - all they know is that you didn't think it important to acknowledge them and kids LIKE these days. I agree with not getting them junk, but a token is nice. If you want to put money in their college fund - fine, get them a card and put a note in there that that is what you did. Or take them for ice cream around this time and tell them it is a Valentine's treat.
Today is a day to celebrate Love. And contrary to guy's age old excuse, it is NOT a Hallmark holiday. St. Valentine was a priest who married Christian couples in secret against the edict of the Emperor Claudius II (who thought married soldiers didn't fight as well), and when caught, he was executed. It actually celebrates a Christian Martyr who believed strongly in Christian marriage between one man and one woman (polygamy being popular at the time).
But more than any of that - you said you feel guilty. That says something that you need to listen to.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
It was believed that he was executed on February 14th, hence the holiday. I believe he fell in love with his jailor, too, and wrote her a note before his execution and signed it, "your Valentine."
I dated this guy who would only give his daughters valentine's gifts and not me because he felt it was a stupid holiday (not for his girls though I guess). I wish I could day I dumped him but no, he dumped me and left me homeless in Texas.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
My ex not only refused to do anything for me on VD, but when I handed him a box of chocolates and a card, he got upset and as I was leaving the room, he threw them at me.
My ex not only refused to do anything for me on VD, but when I handed him a box of chocolates and a card, he got upset and as I was leaving the room, he threw them at me.
events is what they'll remember--grandpa/grandma/mom/dad took us here, went with us to, met us at, etc,etc--am with you 04--would rather have a head/heart full of memories than an attic full of junk
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
The first year DH and I were dating, he got me nothing. We'd been dating about 6 months and were getting pretty serious. I told his mom and sister. They assured me that I shouldn't take it personally, that giving gifts was not his strong suit, but then gave him serious amounts of grief. His mother shamed him and then SHE sent me flowers (she worked in a flower shop). The next year I got every cliche gift - flowers, chocolate, perfume and lingerie.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I can't tell you the last time I got a valentine from anyone.
I do remember getting roses once.
Not from anyone I was seeing and only knew through a message board.
He made an impression.
He had nothing to gain from it.
-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Tuesday 14th of February 2017 04:27:45 PM
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
He got a lot of crap from people, but he is a good egg.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I'm not surprised. He did have a nice side. I was real happy for him when he got married and they had a son. Until he went beserk and started acting weird on FB with his liberal agenda.
Can't tell you how many times we'd be talking and politics would come up.
He is rabid about it.
I'd have to tell him to shut up.
But yeah, he is a good person.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Every time he started with me, I'd just tell him to shut up.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Thanks guys. I think I'm having a hard time trying NOT to keep up with the Jones's. My EX spends an obscene amount of money on them, on things that they have no reason to have (a $45 Fart Gun, a battery powered Jeep for a 1 year old), and the other grandparents are almost as bad. But the consolation prize is that neither of the kids want to stay with them. They both cry the entire time they are left with them (which obviously isn't often for that reason), but they love spending the night at my house.
O4, i think the bolded is the most important thing. you don't compete and spend a boatload of money, but where do the grandbabies want to be? at your house.
you just keep doing what you're doing, it seems to be working.
