Dear Carolyn: My little sister (late 20s) got married last year. Within months she found out her 30-year-old husband was cheating on her with a barely legal cashier at his job.
They tried to work things out, only for my sister to discover the affair was still going on and predated the wedding. She decided she was done, only now she was pregnant.
I decided to invite her to live with me and my family, which involved buying a new (and much more expensive) house.
Now she has decided to try to work things out with her husband, and will probably break her promise of a several years’ stay in our home. I can afford the new mortgage without her financial contribution, but not without serious lifestyle changes.
How much information am I entitled to about the current status of her marriage? I try to ask in nonthreatening, supportive ways, but typically get the response of, “You’re meddling.” I want her to be happy, but I also need to make plans for the future. Please help.
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: You need to make plans for your future, yes, so plan without her. It’s not incumbent on your sister to contribute to those plans, even if it feels otherwise: You made the decision, invited her to live with you, bought the bigger house, took on the extra expenses — so you made it for her, yes, out of kindness, but the bed is still yours to lie in. I’m sorry.
That means you aren’t any more entitled to information on the current status of her marriage than you would be if you weren’t counting on her for cash.
So make plans on the assumption that your sister will not be contributing, because that’s what would have served you best in the first place. It’s risky to place a long-term bet on short-term conditions. She was never a lock to stay.
The best part is, by banking on her absence, her continued presence — and her cash — can serve as a bonus, one you save for when your sister has sunnier days.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
She needs to butt out of her sister's marriage. It was kind of her to take her in, but she shouldn't have done so with any expectations other than a "thank you."
A new and much more expensive. Why did it have to be much more expensive?? Seems there are lots of houses on the market in various price ranges if you are willing to give up some of your demands on where you live.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I am currently enjoying the benefits of a family changing their house for a divorced sister. The basement in my house was fully finished so the previous owner's sister could move in and live with them after her divorce - and finished as if it was a separate home, kitchen, master suite, powder room, the works. She lived there 2 years before remarrying. Then she moved into an even nicer neighborhood a town over, and her brother and SIL sold the house to us and moved into that neighborhood. That family might be a little toooooo close. LOL.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
This is so weird. Buying a house that's more than I can afford in order to help out a relative.... with financial issues already.....and think she's going to be a reliable renter??? That wouldn't even occur to me to do.
And it should be common sense to not buy a house with a mortgage that relies on having a renter in order to afford Said mortgage.
I know other people that did that and were scrambling whenever a roommate moved out. Um most people won't want to live with another family or couple long term duh....
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Wednesday 15th of February 2017 11:38:33 AM
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Wednesday 15th of February 2017 11:41:08 AM
This is so weird. Buying a house that's more than I can afford in order to help out a relative.... with financial issues already.....and think she's going to be a reliable renter??? That wouldn't even occur to me to do.
And it should be common sense to not buy a house with a mortgage that relies on having a renter in order to afford Said mortgage.
I know other people that did that and were scrambling whenever a roommate moved out. Um most people won't want to live with another family or couple long term duh....
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Wednesday 15th of February 2017 11:38:33 AM
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Wednesday 15th of February 2017 11:41:08 AM
I am currently enjoying the benefits of a family changing their house for a divorced sister. The basement in my house was fully finished so the previous owner's sister could move in and live with them after her divorce - and finished as if it was a separate home, kitchen, master suite, powder room, the works. She lived there 2 years before remarrying. Then she moved into an even nicer neighborhood a town over, and her brother and SIL sold the house to us and moved into that neighborhood. That family might be a little toooooo close. LOL.
Are they Hispanic? I ask because when my relatives came here from Spain, they bought two blocks in then Mexico (now AZ) and all lived in their own little "neighborhood."
I am currently enjoying the benefits of a family changing their house for a divorced sister. The basement in my house was fully finished so the previous owner's sister could move in and live with them after her divorce - and finished as if it was a separate home, kitchen, master suite, powder room, the works. She lived there 2 years before remarrying. Then she moved into an even nicer neighborhood a town over, and her brother and SIL sold the house to us and moved into that neighborhood. That family might be a little toooooo close. LOL.
Are they Hispanic? I ask because when my relatives came here from Spain, they bought two blocks in then Mexico (now AZ) and all lived in their own little "neighborhood."
Nope. Several generations of American with Italian heritage.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
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totallygeeked -> totallygeeked general -> Dear Carolyn - I made a life altering decision based on someone else's problem, and it's not working out.
