DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been friends with a bachelor for 30 years. Over the past year we have had a problem with him that is seriously straining our friendship.
When he uses the bathroom in our home, he leaves a terrible mess. There’s urine all over the toilet and a large puddle on the bathroom floor. The last time he was here, it was obvious he had stepped in it and tracked it around as he left the room.
I’m extremely upset and angry. In addition, it’s obvious he doesn’t wash his hands, as the sink and soap are bone-dry.
I don’t want him to come over anymore. My husband wants me to be more forgiving. We’re both too embarrassed to say anything to him.
Should we stop being his friend, or have a frank talk? He is oblivious and continues to contact us and wants to visit. We either put him off or try to arrange to meet him elsewhere. It is becoming unbearable. — DISGUSTED IN LOUISIANA
DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be a shame to throw away a 30-year friendship without trying to save it. Could there be a physical problem that has caused this change in your longtime friend — a bladder problem, or one with his eyesight?
You are all adults, and longtime friends should be able to speak frankly with each other. Because your husband is closer to him than you are, he’s the one who needs to talk to him “man to man” and point out the fact that there is a problem and then ask what might be wrong.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A health issue that prevents you from cleaning up after yourself and washing your hands?
That's called laziness.
Or nastiness.
I'd say something as he went.
"Hey, dude, need some cheerios so you have a target?"
"Leave it like you find it."
As for washing hands, have a bottle of sanitizer and make him take a squirter after.
Sorry, I don't see the point in putting up with this for the sake of saving face. Especially when it comes to blatant nastiness.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A health issue that prevents you from cleaning up after yourself and washing your hands?
That's called laziness.
Or nastiness.
I'd say something as he went.
"Hey, dude, need some cheerios so you have a target?"
"Leave it like you find it."
As for washing hands, have a bottle of sanitizer and make him take a squirter after.
Sorry, I don't see the point in putting up with this for the sake of saving face. Especially when it comes to blatant nastiness.
This. Cleaning up after yourself or AIMING is not a "health" issue... it is lazyness and borderlines on passive agressive behavior.
Better yet.... right after the friend exits, wife should enter the bathroom and exclaim VERY loudly... OH MY GOD WHO IN THE WORLD MADE THIS MESS! THIS IS DISGUSTING! BOB (husband)... GET IN HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!!! And say it loudly so the friend can hear.
-- Edited by Cheerios4606 on Tuesday 21st of February 2017 11:50:43 AM
A health issue that prevents you from cleaning up after yourself and washing your hands?
That's called laziness.
Or nastiness.
I'd say something as he went.
"Hey, dude, need some cheerios so you have a target?"
"Leave it like you find it."
As for washing hands, have a bottle of sanitizer and make him take a squirter after.
Sorry, I don't see the point in putting up with this for the sake of saving face. Especially when it comes to blatant nastiness.
This. Cleaning up after yourself or AIMING is not a "health" issue... it is lazyness and borderlines on passive agressive behavior.
Better yet.... right after the friend exits, wife should enter the bathroom and exclaim VERY loudly... OH MY GOD WHO IN THE WORLD MADE THIS MESS! THIS IS DISGUSTING! BOB (husband)... GET IN HERE AND CLEAN THIS UP!!! And say it loudly so the friend can hear.
-- Edited by Cheerios4606 on Tuesday 21st of February 2017 11:50:43 AM
Years ago (1st marriage) when our teenage nephew was living with us, I posted a notice directly above the toilet at eye-level, with no-nonsense instructions regarding cleaning up drips, splashes and other unfortunate bathroom possibilities. I enclosed it with a decorative wreath, so it ended up being pretty much invisible from the door but obvious to whomever had assumed the position in front of the toilet. It actually worked.
However, in this case we're not talking about a large, careless teenager ...
Sometimes #1 has problems keeping his aim. I make him clean up after himself. I do it very calmly and make it a teaching method. "Okay, so you had troubles this time, get some tissue over there, wipe the sides of the bowl, the floor, don't forget the wall. Now flush the tissue and wash your hands."
That being said, he is a child, and this man is, well, a man. A bachelor, as indicated. He doesn't have a wife to bitch at him for being a slob. So this a tough one. Signs may be ignored. Personally, I might leave a swifter wet mop in there and let him know (before he uses the bathroom) that you've noticed some "plumbing" problems and could he please wipe down the floors when he's through. But it's a difficult subject to broach. Much like telling someone he needs to use more deodorant or breath freshener.
I met my husband because of a missed toilet (not him)
I think we need to hear this story!
I was a teacher's aide in a pre-school when I was 18. My husband was a janitor there working to put himself through college. We had never spoken to each other except one quick hello. When he was cleaning the boys bathroom in my room he noticed pee dripping off the ceiling and he sort of complained to me about it and then asked me for a date. The rest is history. I did addressed the little 4 year old boys, they were having a contest to see who could pee the highest.
My husband was so scared to ask me out and used that as a excuse to work up the nerve to ask me out.
I met my husband because of a missed toilet (not him)
I think we need to hear this story!
I was a teacher's aide in a pre-school when I was 18. My husband was a janitor there working to put himself through college. We had never spoken to each other except one quick hello. When he was cleaning the boys bathroom in my room he noticed pee dripping off the ceiling and he sort of complained to me about it and then asked me for a date. The rest is history. I did addressed the little 4 year old boys, they were having a contest to see who could pee the highest.
My husband was so scared to ask me out and used that as a excuse to work up the nerve to ask me out.
I met my husband because of a missed toilet (not him)
I think we need to hear this story!
I was a teacher's aide in a pre-school when I was 18. My husband was a janitor there working to put himself through college. We had never spoken to each other except one quick hello. When he was cleaning the boys bathroom in my room he noticed pee dripping off the ceiling and he sort of complained to me about it and then asked me for a date. The rest is history. I did addressed the little 4 year old boys, they were having a contest to see who could pee the highest.
My husband was so scared to ask me out and used that as a excuse to work up the nerve to ask me out.
Boys do the darnest things. My BFF had 6. One day she walked in to one of their rooms and they were lined up, pants down around their ankles, seeing who could shoot further. I'll just leave it at that.
Boys do the darnest things. My BFF had 6. One day she walked in to one of their rooms and they were lined up, pants down around their ankles, seeing who could shoot further. I'll just leave it at that.
Boys do the darnest things. My BFF had 6. One day she walked in to one of their rooms and they were lined up, pants down around their ankles, seeing who could shoot further. I'll just leave it at that.
I found DS,3, with two friends having a potty party; all peeing at the same time seeing how could pee harder and longer.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Why can't people speak plainly? I would make him march right back in there and clean up the mess. A little shaming. I bet it wouldn't happen again.
I can't imagine having friends that I can't speak openly to as things arise.
My SIL could not stand my two nephews. They'd stand there with it out, no holding then pee all over. Well, she marched right in there sat them on the bowl and showed them to push it down. She then told them that is the only way to pee at her house. I laughed for weeks. They did what they were told.
