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Post Info TOPIC: 7 things parents do that make their kids brats
Lawyerlady


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7 things parents do that make their kids brats
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Parenthood is one of the toughest things to deal with out there. Whether you have one kid or six, it's the hardest job in the world. But it's also one that, in recent years, has really fallen by the wayside.

Gone are the days of disciplining children. Gone are the days when little Johnny is super busted for failing his spelling test. Instead, we blame teachers, coaches, other parents, and other kids. It just can't be his fault, we insist.

Sadly, it's not his fault, but yours. You want the best for your kids. We all do. But ultimately your doting is costing them character, and that's a big price to pay.

Here's are seven things we absolutely need to stop doing as parents, lest we face the wrath of a bratty child.

1. No more negotiating.

You know the story. "Give me one more chance," they beg. Maybe they want to go over to a friend's house when they're grounded. Or maybe you said you wouldn't let them play with their Xbox until their chores were done, and here they are, still not done. Regardless of the situation, we make bargains with our kids, giving them more chances than we should. Mom and dad's word should be final. Remember, you're running a household, not a bazaar.

2. No more menus at meal time.

Unless your kid is paying the price for a five star meal, they don't deserve the five star treatment. In recent times, picky eaters abound, and parents constantly make room for them. Not only does catering to your little one's every whim create more work for you, but it teaches your kid that he or she doesn't have to eat what's put in front of them. They're special. They deserve to have exactly what they want at every meal, right? If your kid is a picky eater, it's completely your fault. Make it clear that whatever is put down in front of them is what they get, and stop worrying about them going hungry. They won't.

3. No more forgetting your own needs.

Part of being a responsible parent is obviously supporting your kid's activities and hobbies. But that doesn't mean that you have to attend every recital. When you never miss a game or concert, you might be showing them that you're dedicated and loving, but you're also showing them that you don't have your own needs and wishes. As much as it might seem like they are, our kids aren't the center of the universe, and it's good for them to learn that. So next time you have an offer to a girls night out, take it. Missing one game won't hurt.

4. No more cleaning up after them.

Sometimes it seems like the lesser evil to just buckle and clean the kid's room for them. After all, you've been telling them to clean it for a month, and it just grows more filthy by the day. But before you put on your gloves and tackle that disaster, remember the lesson you're teaching them. If you clean for them now, they're learning that their messes are inconsequential, because someone will just pick up after them. This one's tough, but stay strong.

5. No more undermining teachers and coaches.

Teachers are reporting in increasing numbers how difficult it is to get any kind of work done when parents get in the way. In earlier years, a kid brought home a bad report card and it was her fault. But now, parents often rush to blame the teacher. There's no wayKelsey would be an irresponsible student, after all.

Parents. Wake up. Your kid is a 10-year-old, not Ghandi. Even the best of kids are going to lie, procrastinate, or maybe not try every once in awhile. If your child's teacher tells you that she hasn't been doing her classwork, listen to them. On occasion you might have a terrible teacher, but most educators just want what's best for the kids they teach, the same as you.

6. No more covering for them.

If you're slaving away at the dishes while Bobby watches TV or plays Xbox, something's wrong. Give your kids a responsibility to help keep up the household, and you'll be teaching them discipline that will follow them the rest of their lives.

7. No more inconsistent parenting tactics.

You grounded Sam for a month, but it's been 2 days and he's driving you crazy. Or maybe he's been really good the last couple of days and you just want to reward him for his good behavior. Before you think of ungrounding him, stop. Kids can smell weakness, and they know when you're about to give in. If you're not consistent with your punishments, he'll learn that he's above the rules. See how that works out in adult life.



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Lawyerlady


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I'm guilty of a couple of these.

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I think we all are at times. I've been known to clean a kids room because I hate messes and that's not a hill to die on for me. Although if I ended up cleanng her room she always lost some kind of privelege because I had to.

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Ohfour


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The recital one just hit me wrong. Missing one game out of 20 is not that big a deal. But missing a recital? Those are usually once a year events and they work hard to get to perform. No way in hell would I miss a recital...

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Lawyerlady


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Ohfour wrote:

The recital one just hit me wrong. Missing one game out of 20 is not that big a deal. But missing a recital? Those are usually once a year events and they work hard to get to perform. No way in hell would I miss a recital...

 We always have one parent there, but we don't always both go.  

 

Games, however - ugg.  I do not understand parents that won't miss a game.  I know some parents that won't miss a PRACTICE.  I think something important to teach your children a work ethic, too, and about responsibility, and it's the very rare job that parents can take off from their job for every game.  



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When DS was growing up he played youth hockey. We lived a couple of miles from the rink. He had 5 am practices. One Saturday I had a wedding to attend and so told DS he would have to miss practice Sunday morning knowing i would be too tired to drive him. He rollerbladed to the rink with 50 pounds of hockey equipment on his back. Couldn't believe he did that and boy did I feel guilty when I found out.

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I miss a lot of their taekwondo classes but I am there when they test and earn their belts, and for their tournaments. No, I would not miss them. I don't agree with the recital bit either.

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lilyofcourse


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I'm pretty on par with them.

Of course Aaron is floundering now with school, but I believe the seriousness of his actions are settling heavily on him.

Being a single mom, I flat refused to allow a bad habit to grow, I didn't want to have to deal with it later.

Consequences were immediate and followed through.

If you wanted to participate in a sport or other ECA, you would be at every practice and game, it's as much about holding up your responsibility to the team/group as it is the activity. Your word is your bond. You will finish what you start.

Responsibility at home was ingrained from the second they moved something out of place. If they can pull it out, they can put it back.

As for teachers, I did my best to support both my child and the teacher. There were times the teacher was wrong, the were times my child was wrong. But my child will follow class rules.

Meals, I try to accommodate but I refuse to fix more than one meal. I generally let the kids each pick a side dish. But it was never a menu. Jesse was a challenge until he got passed his texture issue. I had to learn to cook things to the right texture. But that is a result of the autism. He ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a while. 



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I know there are some things that Bunny won't eat. He really has tried them and just doesn't like them. Broccoli, for one. Anything heavily spiced he won't eat.
Sometimes he gets a sandwich so we can have what we want to eat.

I'm also guilty of picking up after him too much. It's so much easier to spend two minutes doing it myself than spending up to a couple of hours making sure he does it right.

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I had to wean the boys into eating regular meals. There was a period where they refused. I learned that they made a pact to teach me a lesson. So I went upstairs and pretend cried. They came up to check on me and I told them how much it hurt my feelings. They never tried that again. They're at an age now where they are interested in trying new things. I have to keep the heat factor down a notch because spicy bothers them. But that's doable.

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Lawyerlady


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With Jojo, I do the food thing all the time. But that's because the rest of us really like spicy, flavorful food and that is not kid friendly, so I often have something different for her.

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Ohfour


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Lawyerlady wrote:

With Jojo, I do the food thing all the time. But that's because the rest of us really like spicy, flavorful food and that is not kid friendly, so I often have something different for her.

That's totally reasonable.   



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Lawyerlady


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Ohfour wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:

With Jojo, I do the food thing all the time. But that's because the rest of us really like spicy, flavorful food and that is not kid friendly, so I often have something different for her.

That's totally reasonable.   

 And quite frankly - she eats better than we do.  She wants a plate full of fruits and vegetables.  



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lilyofcourse


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I completely get the spicy thing, I'm not big fan of spicy food.

I would use a little meat to make a couple burgers when I made meatloaf because Caitlyn and Jesse didn't like meatloaf, but they ate the other things I made with it.

But their tastes have changed and now they eat the meatloaf.

But if I were making meatloaf, I'm not making chicken.

I think it helped that I never really gave them store bought baby food.

I would give them what I was cooking.

A small food processor can make the perfect serving of baby food.

 



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Ohfour


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Yep! My son for a little while, could not eat anything tomato based. (we have no idea why, or how he grew out of it, but he did), so if I was making spaghetti, I would make a butter sauce for him. Or like you said, meatloaf, I would make him meatballs.

Totally different than preparing and entire meal...

The babies eat fruit and veggies like they are going out of style. The two of them ate this for breakfast last weekend.  It was gone in about 10 minutes...

 

 

 

friut.jpg



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The boys didn't like food mixed together. So instead of shrimp rice and peas which is basically a casserole, I would keep them separate for them. Now I just mix everything together, but was really a weaning process. They ate it separately for a few times to get a taste for the flavors, then altogether and they didn't even notice. Last night it was Korean beef bowls, with the beef served on top of rice with cucumbers as a garnish. The first time they had it they said it was spicy, and I told them that's what the rice is for, and if they mix it all up, the rice absorbs the heat. So they tried it and it worked. I just leave the gochujang sauce off theirs. And if a recipe calls for crushed red pepper, I only put in a little and then leave the jar on the table so I can add heat on mine.



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lilyofcourse


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Ohfour wrote:

Yep! My son for a little while, could not eat anything tomato based. (we have no idea why, or how he grew out of it, but he did), so if I was making spaghetti, I would make a butter sauce for him. Or like you said, meatloaf, I would make him meatballs.

Totally different than preparing and entire meal...

The babies eat fruit and veggies like they are going out of style. The two of them ate this for breakfast last weekend.  It was gone in about 10 minutes...

 

 

 

friut.jpg

 I want that for breakfast! LOL...

 

He is little cutie pie.



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Are those strawberries!?

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I'm don't have kids but I'm shocked sometimes at the coddling I see with some of my friends kids.
If I got in trouble in school I got in trouble at home too. There was none of that oh no my Kate dmwouldnt do that....in our house.

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Ohfour


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Strawberries, bananas, and grapes. They ate all of the blueberries and blackberries the day before! I have to force them to stop eating. I asked what they wanted for dinner (grandmothers can do that, ya knowwink) and they said broccoli.  I said what else.  Nothing.  So I made some tilapia (well, G did) and they ate almost a head of broccoli and when that was gone, they ate their tilapia...

They eat really well...



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My #1 loves veggies and fruits, too. He eats it first on his plate. Loves everything green. Even got them both to learn how to eat artichokes, dipping the leaves in butter and scraping the meat off the leaves. Brussels sprouts, everything. Except squash. I think it's the name they don't like. They'll eat zucchini. #2 is a meat man. Loves his protein. #1's favorite as a baby was peas. Loved those mashed peas.

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lilyofcourse wrote:
Ohfour wrote:

Yep! My son for a little while, could not eat anything tomato based. (we have no idea why, or how he grew out of it, but he did), so if I was making spaghetti, I would make a butter sauce for him. Or like you said, meatloaf, I would make him meatballs.

Totally different than preparing and entire meal...

The babies eat fruit and veggies like they are going out of style. The two of them ate this for breakfast last weekend.  It was gone in about 10 minutes...

 

 

 

friut.jpg

 I want that for breakfast! LOL...

 

He is little cutie pie.

 DD lived on fruits and veggies for the longest time, she still is into the fruit, veggies not so much.  It was a good run while it lasted.



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Ohfour wrote:

Strawberries, bananas, and grapes. They ate all of the blueberries and blackberries the day before! I have to force them to stop eating. I asked what they wanted for dinner (grandmothers can do that, ya knowwink) and they said broccoli.  I said what else.  Nothing.  So I made some tilapia (well, G did) and they ate almost a head of broccoli and when that was gone, they ate their tilapia...

They eat really well...

 Hold the phone, is his tilapia better than my Flute fish?



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Tangerine, I am glad to see I am in good company with Bunny. Don't like broccoli; don't like heavily spiced foods....

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Inconsistency is the only problem in our house. My SS is a freaking brat but there's no real discipline. Mom doesn't do anything and dad just yells with no follow through. He gets tired of being the bad guy.

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DS has entered the phase of "I don't like it" with food whether he's had it before or not. I know he's attempting to assert independence so I don't respond to it. Most recently, we sliced up summer sausage and put the rounds on a slice of baguette with a piece of cheese. DS promptly declared he doesn't like it without even touching it. Oh well. DH and I ate and he eventually grabbed one and tried it. He declared it 'yum yum' and ended up eating 3 and starting on a 4th before getting full.

He has a habit of declaring himself full then saying he wants dessert. He means to say he is done with dinner but would like dessert. I'm stubborn. If he declares himself full, he doesn't get dessert. I explain to him that full means your stomach cannot hold more food and that you are done eating. I tell him it's ok if he's had enough of his dinner and now wants some dessert. He knows he doesn't have to clean his plate. He does, however, have to eat a reasonable amount. None of the one bite and done then on to dessert crap.

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Personally, i am of the mind of "do your own homework". I did my homework. I shouldn't have to sit down to do theirs. Yes, I will help if asked at times. But, the idiocy of forcing parents to dot every I and sit down with their inept snowflakes is absurd. You shouldn't be signing your children's homework every freaking night. Even now, DD is in 9th grade and still hands me things to sign off on.
We treat children like they are incompetent boobs, then wonder why they grow up and can't function.

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lilyofcourse


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AMEN!

My kids had day planners that had to be signed every night or they would lose break or some other privilege.

What the crap?

I had a teacher actually try to shame me for missing a couple days.


 



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