DEAR ABBY: My husband decided to buy a house. I never wanted one and now I'm depressed.
I am thankful that my husband provides for the family and puts a roof over our heads, but now that we are in our house, my days are spent doing chores, yard work, and cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. This is why I never wanted the responsibility of a house. I don't have time for my family because I'm so busy maintaining this house I never wanted.
I have been distant from my husband because I secretly despise him for putting me in this position when he knew it wasn't what I wanted. Am I being selfish? -- DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY
DEAR DON'T: Selfish? No. Passive-aggressive, yes. The problem with passive aggression is that the problem never gets resolved. If you feel you have too much on your shoulders, tell your husband how you are feeling so he can either help you with the chores, or hire someone to do the yard work and some of the cleaning.
But seriously, this is something he should have discussed with her. But now that it's done, it's time for her to hire help. And learn to live with imperfection.
So she didn't have to clean where ever they lived before?
This is just nuts. Don't do the yard work - no one makes you. And perhaps her husband is opposed to continually throwing money away on rent?
Now, I think he's an ass for buying a house without his wife's input, but I have to wonder how long this has been an issue, how long they argued over it, how long he has wanted a house and she has just flat out refused to listen to his wishes.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Buying a house is like whether or not to have children. The no wins IMO She needs to tell him what she's willing to do and he can do the rest or hire help.
-- Edited by Mary Zombie on Thursday 27th of April 2017 10:53:50 AM
I wonder if she ever really spoke up or is she just passive aggressive. How about EMBRACE what you have. Get off your arse and clean your house. You have to clean an apt too.
My view of marriage makes a home purchase a mutual decision.
I would agree, too, but we don't have enough facts here. Her letter sounds like someone not completely in her right mind. Maybe they did decide early on they would work toward a house and she changed her mind. Maybe there was a time frame for buying one, and when they time came, she wouldn't budge.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Well, maybe he always wanted a house and bought himself one. It's her choice to live there with him.
You're advocating divorce over where she wants to live?
No. But there is obviously already something seriously wrong. Were they in an apartment? Were they living in her parents' basement? I mean, where did they possibly live that didn't require housework?
This letter is weird.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
She says nothing about kids, so I will assume there are none.
I think the family she is referring to is her mom, dad, siblings, maybe.
As for cleaning, the only places I have ever been in that didn't need my cleaning, was hotels.
I think chic is lazy, self-centered, and immature.
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So she didn't have to clean where ever they lived before?
This is just nuts. Don't do the yard work - no one makes you. And perhaps her husband is opposed to continually throwing money away on rent?
Now, I think he's an ass for buying a house without his wife's input, but I have to wonder how long this has been an issue, how long they argued over it, how long he has wanted a house and she has just flat out refused to listen to his wishes
From the way this letter reads, it would seem she went from a 1,000 sq ft home to a 3,000 sq ft home. I would be pissed too. Housework is the number one reason I do NOT want a bigger home, and would actually be ok with DOWN sizing.
So... he can buy a house without tellling her, she can hire help for the housework and lawnwork. Seems fair to me! ;)
She sounds like a mouse who doesnt' speak up for herself. That she probably went yeah, yeah, yeah, when he bought a house and she didn't say anything and then just then wants to act like a resentful victim.
If that is the case, she needs to own up to her lack of input and get up off her butt and clean THEIR home.
If she expressed herself and he didn't care what she thought, then he is an ass. So, she needs to then make decisions based on that.
She says nothing about kids, so I will assume there are none.
I think the family she is referring to is her mom, dad, siblings, maybe.
As for cleaning, the only places I have ever been in that didn't need my cleaning, was hotels.
I think chic is lazy, self-centered, and immature.
While I do agree that purchasing a home should always be a discussed together but her letter seems off to me. We're they living with her parents? She wrote no time for her family not our family, was she wanting to be both wife to her husband and child to her parents? Maybe the husband had enough of living with her parents.
If she hates yard work so much give that chore to her husband.
From the way this letter reads, it would seem she went from a 1,000 sq ft home to a 3,000 sq ft home. I would be pissed too. Housework is the number one reason I do NOT want a bigger home, and would actually be ok with DOWN sizing.
So... he can buy a house without tellling her, she can hire help for the housework and lawnwork. Seems fair to me! ;)
A friend just found out that her husband is cheating on her. He cleaned out the bank acct. Her name is on the home loan, but she has to have his permission to sell it. He is refusing just to spite her. His credit won't be shot, hers will. It wont effect him one bit.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
In Georgia, property ownership is separate. You can buy and sell your property without your spouse's knowledge or consent unless you are in the middle of a divorce and the judge orders you not to.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A friend just found out that her husband is cheating on her. He cleaned out the bank acct. Her name is on the home loan, but she has to have his permission to sell it. He is refusing just to spite her. His credit won't be shot, hers will. It wont effect him one bit.
Your friend needs a lawyer PDQ and file for an emergency hearing.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
