Q. My husband’s best friend proposed to his girlfriend during our wedding ceremony: My husband and I started dating, got pregnant, had a child, moved in together, bought a house, and got a dog in that order. Our friends and family have asked us for years why we weren’t married yet. We always pushed it off to build better lives. We’ve done really well for ourselves and finally reached a point where we could afford a huge blowout wedding to celebrate our lives with everyone we know and love. My husband’s best friend, “John,” was the best man/officiant. The setting was beautiful, everyone seemed happy, our families were overjoyed. My mom may have used the phrase hallelujah a few dozen times. The entire atmosphere felt moving. So moving in fact that John stopped midceremony to propose to his longtime girlfriend, “Jane,” and reveal her pregnancy. I couldn’t even hear the vows my husband wrote or the rest of the ceremony over the noise of Jane’s happy sobs, her very surprised family who were also guests, and people seated nearby congratulating her. Even the videographer cut to her frequently during the ceremony, and you can’t hear anything over the chatter. When John gave his toast, he apologized for being caught up in the moment, and then proceeded to talk about he and Jane’s future with nary a mention of us. During the reception John and Jane became the primary focus of our guests. John even went out of his way to ask the band for a special dance for just him and Jane on the dance floor. I’ve never been an attention hog, and I wouldn’t even have minded if he’d proposed after the ceremony, but weeks later I am still seething. I am so shocked and angry that I keep asking myself if this is real life. My husband hasn’t spoken to John since the wedding, and our mutual friends think what he did was rude but that my husband should just get over it. My husband has joked that he’ll resume his friendship when John and Jane give him a $40,000 check for “their half of the wedding.” Do you think John’s behavior warrants the end of a long-term friendship, or are we angry over nothing?
A: I think it merits a fight! In between “getting over it” and “never speaking to John again” is the happy medium of “having a difficult conversation with a longtime friend who did something selfish and self-absorbed on your wedding day.” He’s your husband’s best friend, so your husband should tell John just how upset his behavior during your wedding made him. Maybe John will apologize and the two of them can have a meaningful reconciliation and build a better friendship as a result. Maybe John will double down and dismiss your husband’s feelings, and things will naturally fall apart between them. Whatever the outcome, there is definitely at least one step in between “seething silently” and “cutting John loose forever,” especially since the two of them have been best friends for a long time.
I would have been as upset as this couple is. AND I would not have paid the final payment to the videographer or at least told him he owed me money. What John did was rude.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I've been hearing of this trend for a while now- but usually the proposal happens during the reception and hopefully with the bride and groom's blessing. Personally, I would be mortified if I was proposed to that way. If you want to have a special proposal, plan and pay for it yourself, don't piggy back off someone else's event.
I've been hearing of this trend for a while now- but usually the proposal happens during the reception and hopefully with the bride and groom's blessing. Personally, I would be mortified if I was proposed to that way. If you want to have a special proposal, plan and pay for it yourself, don't piggy back off someone else's event.
The bolded, not just mortified but PO'd because I want a special just me and him time and if he thinks someone else's wedding is the time to propose I would re think the union.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Nothing like having a great engagement party paid for by your best friend and his wife at their wedding. Man, I'd be pissed. I'm sure I'd get over it eventually. I feel badly for them since the video is practically centered around the engagement instead of the wedding.
What I can't understand is - where was the bridal party and family of the bride during this? I would think the MOH would be able to get things back on track by having a convo with this jerk. If that didn't work you can bet my mom or I would be having a word with him and stopping this nonsense. All it would take would be one short convo telling the douche what an idiot he was being and that the day was not about him. No one thought to step up and say something ?!?! Sad.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
It's really a no win situation. If you don't just fall in line and act happy happy, then you are labeled the jerk. You can't win. They should not have been put in that position in the first place.
No they should not have. But bad that been my daughter's wedding, I would have said something. And I would NOT have left room for debate. Sorry, not sorry.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Yep. I think it's appalling actually that no one stopped it. She says their friends thought it was rude - but no one stepped up to fix it?! Everyone just sat by and watched the train wreck happen!! Sorry. I teach my kids that it only takes one person to stand up to injustice. One person to say something is wrong and others will stand behind you and support you, they just need someone to say it first. Be that person.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Yep. I think it's appalling actually that no one stopped it. She says their friends thought it was rude - but no one stepped up to fix it?! Everyone just sat by and watched the train wreck happen!! Sorry. I teach my kids that it only takes one person to stand up to injustice. One person to say something is wrong and others will stand behind you and support you, they just need someone to say it first. Be that person.
I completely agree- I would have been speaking up whether it was my sisters wedding or even if it was just some random co worker of DH.
Well, I know it was the bride and grooms day, but it isn't like they had never had a day.
I mean, they were already living together, in a home they own, with their kids, for years.
I already said it was rude.
And yes, someone should have pulled him over after the ceremony and set him straight.
I couldn't remain friends with the guy. No way.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
He stopped the ceremony to propose?! That is unbelievably and unforgivably rude.
Right? It wasn't even like later at the reception - he did it in the middle of the ceremony. I actually hope this letter is fake, because I truly can't imagine a friend doing this to anyone.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I suspect it's fake. Who does that? During the ceremony. Nope.
My cousin-in-law confided her pregnancy to me during my cousin's (the sister-in-law of the confider) but only because I asked her. She said she did not want to steal the bride's thunder, so to keep quiet about it until I left the reception. I guessed it because she was not drinking. So I grabbed her husband (my cousin) to dance so I could secretly congratulate him. You just don't make big announcements like that at someone else's big event. But you can still quietly share in the joys of everyone.
Send him the tape of the wedding with a note saying "It was all about you and your girl, so you might as well have the video of it."
How horribly rude of him! But what could she have done in the moment? What can she do now? People, please remember that some things cannot be fixed, cannot be erased, and cannot offer a 'do over'.
Send him the tape of the wedding with a note saying "It was all about you and your girl, so you might as well have the video of it."
How horribly rude of him! But what could she have done in the moment? What can she do now? People, please remember that some things cannot be fixed, cannot be erased, and cannot offer a 'do over'.
Yes send them the tape with the bill. I bet this was planned by this guy. I really doubt it was spontaneous proposal brought on by the wedding, but planned by the friend.
