Q. Wonder woman: What is your take on expectations of women these days? I can’t tell if I’m a total dud or normal, but I feel exhausted by the expectations of me. I am a mother of a young child and this is my main priority. I do all the parenting (literally) and my husband’s only expectation in this area is to say hello to our child when he gets home. You could argue that this dynamic is my fault, but among my friends it’s actually pretty common that the mom does the lion’s share of parenting. However, this task is apparently not supposed to slow me down at all because I’m also expected to work full-time as a professional and excel, kick butt, and be a bad-ass woman who earns a fat paycheck. And of course our house has to look good and clean and neat! Is it just me or is it just too much? A lot of my friends happily accept doing all the parenting, but they are also stay-at-home moms so it’s a bit easier to juggle for them. Whenever I complain to my husband (rarely! I’m not a miserable person!) he says heartily “Ah, I know women who have FOUR kids and work 80-hour weeks! They are just fiiiine!” Where do these women get their energy? I realize they must outsource a lot of their duties (like parenting? and house-cleaning?) but I still don’t get it. I guess I suck as a modern-day woman because, honestly, I secretly yearn to stay at home and raise my baby. Other than taking up meth to give me the zip I need, do you have any advice or insight on how to be a kick-butt modern woman who can do it all?
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A: I do not have any advice on how you can do all of these things. The problem you are having is not that you are an insufficiently empowered woman. The problem you are having is that your husband is a selfish jerk. He is not married to one of those mythical women with four children and 80-hour workweeks; he is married to you and you are not getting the support you need. He is also not parenting his child adequately if all he does is stop by and offer a queen of England–style wave once a day. If the majority of your friends’ marriages have similar dynamics, I’d go so far as to venture that the majority of your friends are also married to selfish jerks. You ask where “these women” who aren’t so overwhelmed get their energy—I think most of them get it from their partners, who are pulling at least an approximation of their own weight. Your husband appears to think his only job is to go to work and then let you know if you’ve cleaned the house to his satisfaction afterwards. You are effectively a single parent. If that’s not what you want out of your marriage, then you will need to seriously rehabilitate the basis of your relationship, and be prepared to at least contemplate leaving if your husband’s only response is, “But this relationship is working just fine for me.” Good luck.
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Here's what you do. Tell Dad that you are exhausted and you aren't going to live like this anymore. And, we are now going to make a plan to downsize and momma is gonna work part time or stay home! And, if that isn't acceptable that lazy lump needs to get up off the sofa and pony up on the parenting and household chores!
Here's what you do. Tell Dad that you are exhausted and you aren't going to live like this anymore. And, we are now going to make a plan to downsize and momma is gonna work part time or stay home! And, if that isn't acceptable that lazy lump needs to get up off the sofa and pony up on the parenting and household chores!
Yep. both work and so both need to share the kid responsibility. Hate when couples can't be on the same page, obviously no discussion before the wedding. Sigh..
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