Q. Loving, God-fearing neighbors try to be my grandkids’ religious influence:I am guardian for my four grandchildren, as their father was killed in a car accident last year. They live with me and next to my very kind and often helpful neighbors who like to have the children over to visit (they are really cute, sweet kids), which is fine most of the time. The neighbors are younger than we are and have taught the children to Rollerblade and play piano, and they generally have a grand time together. However, they are extremely religious, and while I don’t mind them reading Bible stories or singing kids’ hymns, they are starting to cross lines, such as telling the 5-year-old that Santa isn’t real (she still believed this last Christmas) and God doesn’t like Halloween because it is devil-worshipping. They also discourage the oldest one from dancing, telling her she’s “too old”—she’s 10. The kids visit one to two times a week, and it’s nice to have these wholesome folks take a real interest in them, but I don’t know how to tell them that the beliefs they hold, while fine for them, should not be discussed with the children. We don’t have a particular religion we practice—I was Catholic growing up but no longer observe—and I prefer the children not feel pressured this way. I don’t want the 5-year-old to feel bad because she wants to be a puppy on Halloween or the oldest to be told she isn’t behaving in a perfectly normal tween fashion. How can I express my concern without offending these folks and possibly ending our long-standing neighborly relationship?
A:“I really appreciate the interest you’ve taken in the children, and they always love getting to play at your house. I’d like to ask you to refrain from talking to the kids about your religious beliefs, especially when it comes to normal childhood milestones like dancing to music or going trick-or-treating. I respect your religious views, and I’d like you to respect mine and how I’m raising my children.” If their response to being asked not to indoctrinate your children is anything other than “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, of course,” that’s regrettable but is not because what you asked was rude or out of line. If they bristle, and you think the long-standing positive relationship outweighs their occasional saying something like “Halloween is for the devil,” then you can feel free to tell the children something like, “The Howells are lovely people, but I don’t share their beliefs—I think Halloween/dancing/Santa Claus is a lot of fun. What do you think?”
I don't get why telling the neighbors to but out of their religious upbringing is such a big deal. Why is everyone afraid of a little conflict?
Sorry, but those people crossed the line. They have no right to call Halloween devil worshiping and telling a 10 year old not to dance - not dancing is not even biblical, for crikey's sake - or telling someone else's child Santa is not real.
I'm a Christian, and my kids believe in Santa, celebrate Halloween, and dance.
I would not allow my kids to go over there.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I don't get that bent out of shape if someone tells my kids things i dont agree with. I just say, well that is their way and opinion but our family believes differently. However, if they are learning to play the piano over there, i would say that maybe they are spending too much time there so just end that.
Doesn't sound like the letter writer was offended by them sharing their religious beliefs but only got upset when they went to far.
I'm a Christian and teach S.S. but even I don't tell them that Santa isn't real or tell them not to trick or treat. That is up to the parents not me. Of course there will always be that one child that is more then happy to share the news of how he/she knows that Santa isn't real:) but I try to catch them before they get to finish their sentence.
I'm more concerned about them learning the Gospel.
Doesn't sound like the letter writer was offended by them sharing their religious beliefs but only got upset when they went to far.
I'm a Christian and teach S.S. but even I don't tell them that Santa isn't real or tell them not to trick or treat. That is up to the parents not me. Of course there will always be that one child that is more then happy to share the news of how he/she knows that Santa isn't real:) but I try to catch them before they get to finish their sentence.
I'm more concerned about them learning the Gospel.
They are teaching these kids a whole lotta things. Takes a long time to teach someone to play the piano. So, don't send them over there for hours then beitch cuz they teach them their ways.
