DEAR ABBY: My husband works full-time, and when he gets home, and also on weekends, he's "exhausted" and needs to relax. He's in bed by 8 every night, and on the weekends, if we don't have something planned, he lies in bed all day napping and watching TV.
However, when he realizes he has a weekend day free (meaning I'm taking our 6-year-old daughter someplace he doesn't need to be), he all of a sudden "finds" the energy to make golf plans, go on outings with friends, etc. If I make plans to hire a baby sitter and it's just us going out, he has the energy and looks forward to it. It's as if he is happiest when he doesn't have to be with our child.
He does give her some attention, but it's just in spurts, and then he's off again to watch TV. I'm tired of asking him to make plans with her or spend time with her. I feel like a nag for something I feel he should want to do. Any advice? -- LIKE A SINGLE PARENT IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR SINGLE PARENT: You married a man who may have no clue how to be a parent and doesn't know how to relate to a little girl. Children aren't stupid. They know when someone enjoys them and when someone doesn't.
The effect of his lack of interest will have an impact on how your daughter feels about herself when she's older. She will ask herself why her father acts the way he does and blame herself for it. (Aren't I smart enough? Aren't I pretty enough?)
Consider going with your husband to a psychologist who can provide him with some insight -- as well as suggestions -- about how to better relate to his daughter, because it isn't too late to make some changes that could benefit both of them.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
First she should take to him and explain that they need more of him. And, are there things they can do together? Pack a lunch and go for a picnic in the park, etc. Go to the beach or lake for the afternoon. Get some bikes and go for a bike ride when he gets home from work. Some men don't really know what to do unless they are doing an activity.
He simply may not be very good with kids and just needs to work at that.
There are some men who just don't know what to do with children. My FIL was one. DH was another. I had to "teach" him. I encouraged him to take the boys places that I knew they would enjoy. To take them to the park to play ball. Eventually he started thinking of things on his own. The fact remains that it did not come naturally for him because he did not have a good role model himself. But the mold can be broken, with a little encouragement and suggestion. If this man balks or refuses, time to consider other options.
