Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have three children, aged 12, 8, and 2.
Recently my wife has been seriously talking about us leaving our home in Texas and moving to Florida.
She says she wants to "have an adventure" and to "make our family closer."
We have lived in Texas all our lives.
We live 10 minutes away from my parents, and we know it will be hard to move their grandkids away, completely changing that dynamic of family and community.
I love my wife and I love the "idea" of moving.
I have a good job but it's not the best in the world. The only true negative that we can see besides moving away from our family is that we will be alone: No more date nights, no more baby-sitting. No more family dinners.
The biggest pro to me is "happy wife, happy life."
Is it selfish of us to move and pull our kids away from their schools and their grandparents? Will time heal the loss of family for our kids?
-- Just a Guy
Dear Guy: Although I can understand the occasional impulse to shake things up and escape from the loving clutches of jobs, family and friends, the way you present this idea, it seems quite unformed and like the impulse of a restless parent who wants to make some big life changes.
Children do usually eventually adjust to new surroundings (especially younger kids), but they don't do so unless their parents are stable and happy. Do not downplay the extreme sacrifice you would be asking your children to make so that you and your wife can change your surroundings. Your 12-year-old would feel the greatest impact. Yes, I would say that so far, this choice seems selfish on your parts.
The most logical way to go about this would be for your family to scout out jobs, schools, and communities before you make any sudden moves. You might be able to do a "home swap" during a school break, to feel things out.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I'd be trying to figure out why she wants to move the whole family 4 states away from everything she knows.
On the other hand, I can understand wanting to "start fresh".
Maybe a summer in Florida, or just traveling, could help break up the routine.
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The OP is assuming that the wife will be "happy" if they move. Well, maybe she will maybe she won't. In reality most people simply choose to be happy or not. So, what if they move and she isn't "happy"? Moving for a 12 yr old is harder than it is for a 2 yr old usually. And, you need jobs. And no more date nights, no more baby sitting, no more family dinners? Those are pretty significant things for all of them. I suppose they can find a baby sitter and have date night.
However, sounds like it is his parents. Maybe she wants to have some more time away from them. They could move a bit further away from the parents perhaps. There are a lot of options.
The OP is assuming that the wife will be "happy" if they move. Well, maybe she will maybe she won't. In reality most people simply choose to be happy or not. So, what if they move and she isn't "happy"? Moving for a 12 yr old is harder than it is for a 2 yr old usually. And, you need jobs. And no more date nights, no more baby sitting, no more family dinners? Those are pretty significant things for all of them. I suppose they can find a baby sitter and have date night. However, sounds like it is his parents. Maybe she wants to have some more time away from them. They could move a bit further away from the parents perhaps. There are a lot of options.
She is restless, she may not be happy no matter where they live.
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