By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on Sep 6, 2017
Dear Amy: I recently changed careers. I am a new hire at my place of employment. Most of my co-workers are old enough to be my parents or grandparents, and have been working there for more than 10 years.
I have noticed a clash in personality with most of my co-workers. I am quite reserved and professional, while during breaks and downtime, they speak and act as if they are in a rowdy bar. I try to be friendly and sociable with them, but it is hard, mostly due to our age difference.
It has become increasingly difficult lately, as their personal and political beliefs have come out in conversation. I am a very progressive person, but some of my co-workers have expressed some extremely racist and classist views that make me very uncomfortable.
I have bitten my tongue during these discussions, but my conscience is telling me I am not being a good ally by keeping my mouth shut.
I am not afraid of losing my job over my different opinions, but I am afraid of being snubbed and shunned, as I've noticed most of the minorities at our workplace have been.
My bosses and co-workers place importance on social activities, arranging cookouts at our office and nights out. I have been very cautious about interacting socially, especially after hearing those racist views.
I enjoy my job, and the benefits are great. I would like to be comfortable at work.
I don't feel as if my bosses could do anything about this, as most of the racist talk has come from people who are employed by the city, and not directly by our company.
Should I avoid social interactions, or should I speak out about my disapproval of their racism?
-- New Girl with Moral Dilemma
Dear New Girl: Yes, you should speak out. It is shocking that government employees would feel comfortable expressing racist views in the workplace. I am distinguishing between people expressing political viewpoints, and those who are openly racist. There is a wide difference between the two.
The workplace is not the place to express one's racist thoughts. This behavior is unprofessional and unacceptable, and it is unethical for you to stay silent.
I think you should also make note of some of these incidents, in order to advocate for change. Your bosses should absolutely crack down on this.
If you are shunned for speaking out, then count yourself lucky. You would then be relieved from the pressure of spending any leisure time with these people.
Also, look for a different job.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Everything is declared "racist" these days that the term has become benign to me. I would need to know what they were saying, and in what context before I jumped to conclusions.
exactly and so many jump to racist etc. just because they do not like it. if it is indeed racist it needs to stop, but if it is things LW doesn't like...well pull up your big girl under-roos.
IMHO it sounds like LW could feel like she/he is better than other employees.
Most of my co-workers are old enough to be my parents or grandparents, and have been working there for more than 10 years.
Not sure what this has to do with anything...except pointing out they are all OLD....while she/he is young and up to date on knowledge of the profession....
I am quite reserved and professional, while during breaks and downtime, they speak and act as if they are in a rowdy bar. I try to be friendly and sociable with them, but it is hard, mostly due to our age difference.
who is judging who here?????
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~~Four Wheels Move the Body~~ ~~ Two Wheels Move the Soul~~
Everything is declared "racist" these days that the term has become benign to me. I would need to know what they were saying, and in what context before I jumped to conclusions.
This. I've been called racist for stuff that had nothing to do with race. As such, the word has lost meaning to me.
Oh geez. You have to work with people you don't agree with. Boo freaking hoo. I guess the OP doesn't want to excluded or shunned and miss out the free food. Go do your job. You don't have to like any of them.
It is quite possible that racist statements are being made. I work with someone who makes racist statements all the time - and when I call her on it, she just blows it off. I've had to just ignore her. She's older, which is really no excuse, but many older people are still quite racist b/c that's how they were brought up.
She needs to learn to deal with people and comments she doesn't agree with and like, or she needs to complain to HR. Or, she needs to learn to speak up and call them out on it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It does sound as though the LW is the discriminating one against age.
I didn't vote for Trump in the primary but I did in the general election because Trump at his worse is still better than Hillary at her absolute best. I'm called a racist because I didn't vote for Hillary? She's a white women so where in hell does race come in?
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“Until I discovered cooking, I was never really interested in anything.” ― Julia Child ―
It does sound as though the LW is the discriminating one against age.
I didn't vote for Trump in the primary but I did in the general election because Trump at his worse is still better than Hillary at her absolute best. I'm called a racist because I didn't vote for Hillary? She's a white women so where in hell does race come in?
Exactly.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I voted for Trump from Day 1. He was my #1. Still is. Hope he doesnt' cave to Dems though.
Yeah me too. And right now he is playing both dem and GOP establishments.
i am so tired of being classified as being racist, anti gay, etc because I voted for Trump. I work, and always have, with a very diverse group of the workforce. All we all care about is if the the team member is giving it their all. I know I work with black skinned, Asian, middle Eastern peeps but their faces don't even come into play when I am working with them or even thinking of them. It is only liberals that look at people as black, white, yellow, etc.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
OP, hang in there. If your co-workers are old enough to be your parents or grandparents, they will probably retire sooner rather than later. Suck it up and keep working as long as it is a fantastic job, good benefits, etc.
People are getting way too comfortable talking politics in social situations where it is not appropriate. Someone needs to do some etiquette training on acceptable work conversations.
