Battle to live
The doctors who carried out the abortion at Saint Luke’s Hospital in Sioux City, Iowa, had estimated that Melissa’s mother, whose identity she has chosen to keep private, was about 20 weeks along.
But the fact that she had survived the saline infusion – a method largely no longer used in the US and UK because of its failure rate – led them to believe she was actually 31 weeks when induced.
Melissa suffered jaundice, respiratory distress and seizures. It was expected that even if she did survive she would have vision problems, hearing loss and developmental delays.
Three weeks later, she was transferred to the University Hospital in Iowa City. The nurses who cared for the nameless baby made her tiny clothes and colorful booties.
One, called Mary, decided she needed an identity and named her Katie Rose.
At three months old she left hospital and was taken in by Linda and Ron Ohden, a couple who had already adopted a girl called Tammy, four years older than Melissa.
This photo was taken the day Melissa's adoptive parents first saw her at three months old +13
This photo was taken the day Melissa's adoptive parents first saw her at three months old
For years, her adoptive parents and Mary kept in touch, exchanging Christmas cards and letters with pictures and updates on her progress. When Melissa got older, she wrote the letters herself.
‘Mary and I began a friendship that would last for decades,’ she explains. ‘It made me feel so special that this nurse cared for me when no one else did.’
Despite some early struggles, by age five Melissa had caught up developmentally and was given a clean bill of health.
The bombshell moment
Melissa and her sister had been told early on they were adopted by their parents, who had a natural son called Dustin when Melissa was six despite believing they couldn't conceive.
‘Tammy and I fought like sisters typically do,’ said Melissa. ‘It was during one of these explosive arguments, when I was 14, that she blurted out, “At least my parents wanted me!"’
Here Melissa (left) is shown with her adoptive sister Tammy who is four years older +13
Here Melissa (left) is shown with her adoptive sister Tammy who is four years older
It was an argument with her sister Tammy (right) that prompted Melissa (left) to question her background when she was 14 +13
It was an argument with her sister Tammy (right) that prompted Melissa (left) to question her background when she was 14
Melissa says she always knew she was adopted ¿ but it took decades to know the full truth of her start in life +13
Melissa says she always knew she was adopted – but it took decades to know the full truth of her start in life
‘I ran to my adoptive parents who eventually told me the devastating truth – that I had survived a botched abortion. They had never intended for me to know.
‘My world felt like it stopped spinning that night. I felt, angry, scared, ashamed and even guilty for being alive.’
Melissa then spent much of her teenage years ‘in great emotional pain’, developing bulimia and turning to sex and alcohol.
‘I was drinking heavily to numb the pain. But my parents never realized how much I was hurting because I was so good at hiding it.’
Desperate search for the truth
Melissa pulled herself together and headed off to the University of South Dakota to study political science.
She would later learn that her biological mother had attended there as well.
And astonishingly, her maternal grandmother – the very woman who orchestrated the abortion – was a professor at the university during the time Melissa was there.
‘I didn't know this at the time of course, but I look back and wonder if we ever unwittingly crossed paths,’ said Melissa.
Aged 19, the political science student was desperate to find her birth parents +13
Aged 19, the political science student was desperate to find her birth parents
At 19, the desire to know more about her background eat away at her and she began her search to find her birth family.
There was little information on her adoption papers, so their identities were a mystery.
Coincidentally, she soon ended up moving to Sioux City, where the failed abortion had taken place, which gave her the chance to search local records.
She pored over phonebooks, newspapers on microfiche, and year books at the library, not knowing her birth mother's name but looking for someone who looked like herself.
She also put an advert in the local newspaper appealing for anyone with information to come forward, but to no avail.
After years of futile hunting, Melissa came across a startling lead when she was 30.
‘I knew my maternal grandparents’ surname and where they had been employed, so that was a big piece of the puzzle,’ she said.
‘I was flicking through a nursing college year book when I came across a woman I suspected was my grandmother. I still didn’t know at this stage her full role in what happened.’
She sent them a letter, but only her grandfather wrote back.
‘He said my live birth was not the intention the day I was born. He also made it clear I wouldn’t find my birth mother through them because they were estranged from her.
‘It was evident their relationship with my mother was never the same after my birth. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew then something sinister had gone on.’
Finding her father
That same year, Melissa requested her medical records which gave her a breakthrough – the hospital administrators had forgotten to black out her parents' names.
After discovering she was living in same city as her biological father, she reached out to him by letter.
‘I have every reason to believe he never knew I was born. I simply told him that I was alive, and that I wasn't angry or bitter. But he never responded.’


Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4969666/Woman-survived-abortion-8-MONTHS-finds-birth-mother.html
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OK, I'm having trouble getting past the fact that the word learned is spelled "learnt" in several places. *shakes head* Doesn't anyone proofread any more?

learn
lərn/Submit
verb
past tense: learnt; past participle: learnt

Double post

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Wednesday 11th of October 2017 05:11:28 PM

Oh my bad! Didn't realize it was British!

My fault! Sowwy!  

jlbear71 wrote:

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I feel disappointed for the birth mother and the daughter in the story. The grandmother sounds like a first class bjtch.

And another way that technology and regulation have improved.

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 Yep about the grandmother. Didn't give her Daughert the choice.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Guess I'm just too cynical.

In 1977, the birth mother was 19. That's an adult in a fairly progressive time.

Unless she was held against her will, the BM could have made another choice.

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 Maybe her culture, or her mother  was so controlling  that the mother/daughter was emotionally  stunted  and bullied. I can't  imagine  trying  to have your own  grandchild  killed. 

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Guess I'm just too cynical.

In 1977, the birth mother was 19. That's an adult in a fairly progressive time.

Unless she was held against her will, the BM could have made another choice.

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 She could have but it's pretty easy to manipulate a 19 yr old.  It's pretty hard for a 19 yr to go strike out on their on while pregnant and having no family support.  Not saying it can't be done because obviously it has.  However, the grandmother pushed her towards an abortion as well.

However, I don't see how this grandmother could push to abort her own grandchild.