DEAR ABBY: My parents are in their late 60s and suffer from multiple lifestyle-related illnesses. Although they had every opportunity to make healthy changes, they chose not to. I live on the other side of the country, and I am busy with my career and family.
I love my parents and accept our relationship for what it is. However, I do not feel obligated to disrupt my life and upset my children to be with them as they die slow, painful deaths. If their illnesses were not directly related to their own poor choices, I might feel and behave differently toward them. Knowing it won't change their behavior, should I tell them why I won't be with them for what appears will be prolonged and terrible deaths? -- SADDENED BY THEIR CHOICES
DEAR SADDENED: If your parents are as sick as you have indicated, they already feel terrible. I see nothing to be gained by adding emotional pain to their physical pain. Put aside your anger and find enough compassion to not say it unless asked directly.
I want to know why she feels she needs to disrupt her life. Did her parents ask her to move closer? Is she feeling guilty?
I don't understand why she feels the need to tell them why she won't be there to watch them die. The simple answer is because she lives across the country from them, which is obvious (or should be) to her parents and wouldn't need explained. But, I have a feeling the real answer is much deeper.
wish she shared more information like what poor choices they made to hurt themselves, my parents were always heavy smokers and lived in another state. Even though I had two young kids at the time I still went to them when they needed me. I wonder if there is more to her story.
I want to know why she feels she needs to disrupt her life. Did her parents ask her to move closer? Is she feeling guilty?
I don't understand why she feels the need to tell them why she won't be there to watch them die. The simple answer is because she lives across the country from them, which is obvious (or should be) to her parents and wouldn't need explained. But, I have a feeling the real answer is much deeper.
I get the feeling LW is harboring anger towards her parents for their "poor choices". I wonder what LW's kids think of LW's poor choices.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
We often do inflict harm on ourselves. However, as you go thru life, the OP might find she/he has a different perspective on life as life goes on. For example when i was younger , if someone was dying of lung cancer and continued to smoke, that seemed to make no sense. But, now, with years of life and experience, i can understand it. That person is dying, quitting smoking won't change the impending terminal illness, so why not continue to enjoy some of the things that are a pleasure for someone in that position?
