DEAR ABBY: I live with my fiance, and we are being married in eight months. When I asked him if he would go and stay with his parents or some friends on a weekend when my girlfriend comes into town so we can have girl time, he got highly offended and said he isn't leaving "his" house. I pay more than he does in rent, and I don't feel I should have to rent a separate place.
He doesn't understand girl time: drinking wine, watching chick-flicks and talking about our lives. I want to dedicate all my time that weekend to being a good friend, but he doesn't get it. I have told him that if he ever wanted me to go stay with friends or visit my parents so he could have a guys' weekend, I would have no problem with it. Am I asking for too much? -- NEEDS GIRL TIME IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR NEEDS: Yes. I think expecting your fiance to leave when your girlfriend comes to visit is a bit much. Do you plan to make the same request after you are married? Regardless of who pays more rent, the house is home to both of you.
I would think that the idea of being subjected to one of your "girls' weekends" -- the wine, the chick-flicks, the gossip -- would motivate him to make other plans. However, because he is unwilling, you and your girlfriend should consider splitting the cost of a hotel room for the weekend, which might be more enjoyable for all three of you.
Doesn't seem like a big deal for him to leave. Provided that she would be willing to do likewise as well. Or, use this an excuse for a nice weekend get away with the girlfriends.
It is his home too and I bet she wouldn't like it if he told her to leave home for the weekend because he is having a bunch of his buddies over for the weekend. She doesn't sound like she is ready to be living with someone much less then being married.
Who wrote the title? If it was the LW, that
shows she's totally immature, and not at all
ready for marriage. There's a whole world
of difference between a "shack-up" and a
fiancé.
No way in hell I would ever ask my DH to leave while I entertained. Her comment about paying more rent than he troubles me, too. She's keeping score? She certainly hasn't committed herself to him if she is.
Personally, I would have my friend, tell my DH what my plans were, include him if he wanted, ask if he had any suggestions or was okay with it, and if he wanted to go golfing then fine by me.
I have never asked Husband to take off for a weekend.
When I do have “girl time” with my friends we tend to plan it so that he can go have some “guy time” with his friends at the same time.
Or we go somewhere else.
I think LW is being unreasonable and demanding.
I'd like to know how she asked him. Demanding or kind tone. Etc. I'd like to think she was coming from a place of 'you really don't want to be here, go have fun' vs 'you're not welcome here, get out' but his being offended makes me suspect otherwise.
For me, I'd tell DH that my friend is coming for the weekend, he won't be interested in our activities, how about he go out and see the movies he wants to see. But, that's how my marriage works. We've been known to go to the theater together and he'll see his movie while I find somewhere to sit and do my crosswords. Then we'll go have dinner together.
He'll, most my friends would rather hang out with G than me. Lol! They would be disappointed if he didn't hang with us. But then again, he's a LOT of fun!!!!!
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
He'll, most my friends would rather hang out with G than me. Lol! They would be disappointed if he didn't hang with us. But then again, he's a LOT of fun!!!!!
I can attest to this!
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Why can't they just claim the living room for a night?
The LW is not ready for marriage.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
He'll, most my friends would rather hang out with G than me. Lol! They would be disappointed if he didn't hang with us. But then again, he's a LOT of fun!!!!!
Mine, too. And he was a trained mixologist. ehehehe
Yet another reason to NOT live together before marriage.... But since they are, I, too, wonder if he will have to leave after they are married and girl friend comes to visit. Maybe she would be willing to leave when one of his male friends visits so they could have some "guy time" or whatever the correct term is.
