DEAR ABBY: "Ron" and I have been married 20 years and have two children. Recently, he called me a "freeloader" and described my parenting as "half-assed." It's not the first time I've heard it from him.
I work part-time so I can have a flexible schedule and be home with our kids after school. Ron earns considerably more than I do, although I inherited money from my father that will provide security for our kids regardless of our incomes.
I think I'm a great mom. Our kids are healthy and well-adjusted. Although I don't need my husband's salary to live comfortably, I appreciate the good life his work affords us, and I do what I can to show it.
I do, however, expect Ron to participate in raising our kids and contribute to the running of our household. I think it's important, and I have work responsibilities and volunteer in our community. Ron says I do far less than "most of my friends" (who don't work), that he does a lot more around the house than the dads he knows and he resents it because he makes so much more money than I do.
How much is fair to expect him to do to help with our kids and home life? How can I get him to see how much hurt his name-calling and disrespect causes? -- NOT A FREELOADER
DEAR NOT A FREELOADER: Every marriage is unique, which is why your husband should not compare himself to other dads and you to their wives. I find it odd that the husband of a working wife -- and mother -- would resort to name-calling and accuse you of freeloading. Of course Ron should participate in his children's lives. That's what being a father is all about.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Helping with housework sets a good example for the kids. If the two of you can't work out a compromise without name-calling, you should at least agree to have a licensed marriage counselor mediate the discussion.
Hmmm. It sounds like she has plenty of money, but she likes him supporting her, and he is resenting it. I wonder if she shares her money or let's him do the supporting.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Well, what is "fair" doesn't always work. HER expectations about how he should participate in the household and kids are not necessarily HIS. And, I am not talking right or wrong. I would hope that when someone gets married, they have a discussion on this and find a spouse who will share the load. But for HER situation, what she is doing isnt' working. Sounds like she got on him about the kids and chores and then he responded in a defensive way like a big baby. Ok, well now she knows what she is dealing with. So, first, I think they should go to counseling and learn how to disagree better and come to a compromise. That would be ideal. However, if he is not going to do that, and they have the means and comfortable life, then why doesnt' she just pay for some household help to kind of lighten the load?
Raising kids and keeping a house running isn't working??
As to the OP, if she doesn't need his money, is he beginning to resent her?
When married, isn't it "our" money?
Sounds like both of them needs to grow up.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Any father, who doesn't want to participate, in raising his children, is not worthy of being a father.
Any husband, who would call his wife a "freeloader", even though she works, and volunteers in the community, and is doing most of the parenting...well hell! He needs a wake up call!
Volunteering for school activities and other programs is very important to a family. Teaches kids they can do more than just go to school or work. Working in the community bolsters your family's reputation and trust as well, can even help selfish hubby in his career as a lot of companies look positively on families that work in volunteer positions.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Not sure why you think you are schooling LL when your relationship surely didnt' resemble that! LOL!
WHAT THE HELL!! **** YOU!!!
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
