DEAR ABBY: The first 20 years of our marriage were wonderful. My husband was kind, sweet and generous. Now he is angry most of the time, and spews rude and hurtful things at me.
When I ask him what’s wrong and suggest marriage counseling, he says I am too sensitive or I take things wrong, and there’s nothing the matter with our marriage. All I know is, this is not the man I fell in love with, and I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate the way he’s treating me.
I love my husband. I don’t want to divorce him, but I also don’t want to continue living this way. Please help. — GONE WRONG IN OHIO
DEAR GONE WRONG: What your husband is doing is cruel, and for him to tell you you’re imagining it, frankly, irritates ME.
I can’t fix what’s gone wrong in your marriage, but I’m glad to point you in the right direction. Visit a marriage and family therapist without him and describe what’s been happening. Whether the insight you gain will save your marriage is anybody’s guess. However, it may give you the strength to do what is best for YOU, in the present and in the long run.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If a person's personality changes that drastically - there is a reason. The first thing to do would be a complete physical to rule out cancer or other illness.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
She should see a counselor, prepare for a really big shoe to drop. Start sticking money back.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I wonder how old they are, if he is relatively young I would question stress from work, depression, mid live crisis or even a affair. If older Alzheimer’s, high blood pressure, or heart troubles. She should tell him that She had enough, tell him either get some counseling and a check up or she’s through. If they have adult kids they can back her up.
He might need a wake up call that she means business
Something is wrong. He needs a complete physical and then they may need marriage counseling, if he is okay health wise.
If he is physically healthy then I suspect an affair.
LW doesn’t have to put up with being treated poorly either way.
First thing is a medical physical to see if there any medical conditions. Then, i would wonder if there was an addiction issue going on, drugs, porn, etc . Or, is this some sort of midlife crisis where maybe he is thinking his life hasn't panned out in the way he thought it would and has regrets, etc?
So, if it is medical, then she will have to learn to deal with that. Someone with organic brain syndrome may have a hard time controlling those behaviors or may not even be aware that is what they are doing.
For the other issues, she should sit down and have a frank talk and say what she said in the letter. And, she should start counseling in the meantime and if he is having the latter issues, he will have to make a decision to join her and get help or she will have to tell him she cannot live that way and will move out.
