She has always been snotty towards me from the second we met. I think she really liked his ex wife or something and is bitter that they divorced.
Anyway, his 50th birthday is coming up next year so I want to plan something really special. I thought I could invite his dad ,mom and brother to fly out to visit. I've been dreading calling his mom because she literally never talks to me, any time she's on the phone with DH she never bothers to ask how I am. Hell on our WEDDING day all I got was a slight glare and a curt hug, and then she ignored me the rest of the day.
So I called earlier tonight and asked would she like to come out for his 50th birthday and she got real snotty and said 'of course I will come out for MY son's birthday.' and then said get her more details later but she had to go.
I am just starting to not look forward to this whole thing. And I just realized I don't have a specific question, just venting I guess.
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
It's good to vent. But, if she doesnt' like you, then you aren't going to change her so just be polite and don't waste too much time and effort on her other than that.
I'm sorry vette, she may be one of those mothers who can't accept any woman who becomes apart of her sons life. Has your husband noticed her attitude toward you?
Also I might add is don't take it personally, it is very thoughtful of you to throw him a party and to invite his family. Maybe by seeing how much you love her son and grandson she will begin to warm up to you.
Sorry to hear this, Vette. I must admit, however, that I got a chuckle out of "MY son's birthday" - have you ever claimed he was YOUR son????
She definitely sounds like she has problems, but do not get drawn into them. Just handle best you can.
She is toxic, accept it and just deal with it by reacting to her snottiness with a nice response as if she she said something nice to you. Then focus on the other family members.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I agree with IWKTDS! There is nothing you can do to change her or her behavior towards you. Kill'em with kindness is my motto with people like that. Besides, you're not married to her. The most important other person in your marriage is your hubbs. Have you talked with him about it? Is he willing to say something to his Mother about it? Although his doing so could make it worse. I would greet her with kindness and then ignore her.
It sounds as though she lives quite a distance from you. Be grateful for that. And we can't force anyone to like us. Just be yourself and don't take her rude behavior personal. Be sweet as pie, and let your husband see what a shrew she is towards you.
So. You plan this celebration, keeping in mind it's for your hubs, not for her. She is merely a guest.
Have fun with the planning and celebrating your hubs.
She will be back on a plane shortly after the party.
Venting is good.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Some women just can't let go of
their "baby". I don't think it would
matter who married their son, it
would still be the same. It sounds
like she is trying to "take" him
back.
Do all of your planning on your
own, and don't let her in on any
info, other than what time her
flight is, and what hotel she will
be staying at.
That being said, DO arrange for
some time alone with her son.
Then she won't be able to carp
about you keeping him away
from her.
How does your FIL treat you?
And his brother?
Chin up. We've got your back.
Also, find out from hubby if she
has any food allergies or dislikes.
Don't serve anything she can bitch
about, unless it is one of your
hubby's favorites, which she should
be well aware of.
I say, instead of a party, use the money for a romantic trip for the two of you. Someplace warm where clothing is little to none.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Thanks guys! I feel better after talking about it. I have mentioned my feelings to DH, but as she's done nothing really wrong I don't want him to feel in the middle. Plus he's VERY non confrontational.
She lives in Montana, so yes quite a distance.
FIL and brother I get along with great.
Hopefully it will go over well! And lily, I would consider the romantic getaway except I already told FIL and brother about it and they are excited to come out and see us.
__________________
Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
Vette ~
I wish I could help you more, but I
had the world's BEST MIL ! She told
her temporaries that the moon and
stars and firmaments rose and set
at my command! And besides
that, she was a FABULOUS cook !
