DEAR ABBY: My first wife, "Charlene," died eight years ago from an accident caused by her diabetes. Six months after her funeral, I was introduced to a lovely woman and subsequently married her. When I told my former mother-in-law I had started seeing someone, she asked me to cease all contact with her and the rest of the family. I complied with her wish.
Since Charlene's death, I have kept her personal photo album. It contains pictures and memorabilia from when she was a child and teenager. I also have some afghans her grandmother made for her. I would like to return them to her parents, but I'm afraid of the potential pain it could cause.
I considered writing her mother a letter letting her know I have these things and would like to return them. I know there's really no way of easing into this. I'm pretty sure, however, that a mom would like to have her daughter's things. Your advice would be appreciated. -- TREADING LIGHTLY
DEAR TREADING: Because the items belonged to her daughter, box them up and send them to your ex-mother-in-law. And when you do, include a note explaining that you thought she would like to have them. Period.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Wow. I hope the dead wife's family has moved past this by now. People have to live. Some may not think 6 months is long enough, but it is common for men that were happily married to marry again soon.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I agree with the advice, box it up and mail it to her.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I had a boyfriend that had a bunch of pictures of me. Some he had taken himself, some I gave him (glamour shots, etc.) that he wanted when we were dating. After I broke up with him, and we got together to return keys and anything left at the other's house, he gave me an envelope with all my pictures. Even though the break-up was my idea (I learned he was responding to dating websites the entire time we dated), it hurt. It did make me feel as though he never valued our relationship at all.
I think he should just dispose of these items if he no longer wants them. If they had children together, he needs to hold on to them and pass them to their child(ren).
I wouldn't care what the family thought of my motives.
And, as a mother, I'd rather have them than have them thrown away.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I would at least return the Afghans and the moments and some of the photos with a nice note including letting her mom know that he is keeping a few pictures of his late wife.
I would at least return the Afghans and the moments and some of the photos with a nice note including letting her mom know that he is keeping a few pictures of his late wife.
This is a nice idea.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Lily, I doubt the mother even knows he has these items, so she would never know they were thrown out.
Maybe, but still, as a mom, even if I didn't know, I'd rather have them than they be thrown out.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I'm holding onto the fabulous hand-crocheted
king-size bedspread my darling MIL made for
late DH and me for our 10th anniversary - she
had painful arthritis in her hands, but she started
this on the day DH and I married.
Some day in the future, I will be able to give this
marvelous gift to my grandkids or greats, as a
memento of the love that can be passed down
from generation to generation.
I was blessed to have the world's most loving
MIL ever known !
Lily, I doubt the mother even knows he has these items, so she would never know they were thrown out.
Maybe, but still, as a mom, even if I didn't know, I'd rather have them than they be thrown out.
I would, too. Maybe if she had been nicer to her former son-in-law, this would not even be an issue.
She may be more open now to her former son in law, I'm sure at the time of his second marriage she was still in the hardest part of her grief and couldn't understand how he could marry so soon after her daughters death.
Lily, I doubt the mother even knows he has these items, so she would never know they were thrown out.
Maybe, but still, as a mom, even if I didn't know, I'd rather have them than they be thrown out.
I would, too. Maybe if she had been nicer to her former son-in-law, this would not even be an issue.
She may be more open now to her former son in law, I'm sure at the time of his second marriage she was still in the hardest part of her grief and couldn't understand how he could marry so soon after her daughters death.
I agree.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I'm holding onto the fabulous hand-crocheted king-size bedspread my darling MIL made for late DH and me for our 10th anniversary - she had painful arthritis in her hands, but she started this on the day DH and I married.
Some day in the future, I will be able to give this marvelous gift to my grandkids or greats, as a memento of the love that can be passed down from generation to generation.
I was blessed to have the world's most loving MIL ever known !
I hope I can be half the MIL your's was.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
