My very good friend's husband cheated on her. When she found out, he left her and their two girls - one was 14, one was 8. He married his mistress in a grand wedding that he did not tell his children about or invite them to.
The 14 year old went off the rails for a few years. Had two kids too young, married the baby daddy in a courthouse wedding, had a third kid, divorced her husband all by age 22.
Her father, the cheating bastard, takes no responsibility whatsoever for his teenage daughter's meltdown.
Now, she has reunited with her first boyfriend, they are engaged, he went and asked her father for her hand last month and got his blessing. He is hoping to adopt her children. Dad says he'll pay for the wedding, this being her "real" one. Everyone is so excited that she had gotten her life back on track.
Saturday, we went wedding dress shopping and she invited her step-mom and step-sister, and they said they would come but didn't. Her mom paid for the dress as she said she would and they got it ordered. Yesterday, Dad and step-sister showed up to view the first potential venue but left halfway through - she went to the second venue and fell in love. Called her Dad and cleared the price and told him that she wanted him to be involved in the wedding and not just writing checks. He said he'd pay the deposit and pay for the rest next month (he makes a fortune).
Then, this morning, when she calls to give him the lady's name to call and pay, he tells her that he has changed his mind, can't believe she would expect him to pay for a second wedding (he never paid anything for the first), and since she slept around she doesn't deserve a real wedding, anyway. The cheating, adulterous bastard that abandoned his family basically called his daughter a whore. What a hypocrite. He took her happiest time and basically stomped on it. He never had to agree to pay for it in the first place - they would have planned without him. But he waited until she found the perfect place, then dropped the boom on her said horrible things to her to boot.
I feel so bad for her. She has been crying all day. My friend is horrified he would say such awful things to their daughter. Now, she doesn't want him or anyone from his side of the family to come. He could easily pay for this wedding basically without batting an eye.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Man, some men really should have the karma bird dump a big one on their life. I'm sorry this young woman has to deal with all this. I'm praying she finds the strength to rise above it and tell her "father" to **** off and build a beautiful life with her new husband and children. She needs to prove to her "father" that he has no power over her.
A life well lived is the best revenge. I pray she lives a long, happy life.
The daughters need to realize they are never going to have the daddy that they want. He's a selfish jerk. So, they need not waste their time trying to engage him and certainly should not count on him for anything. Any efforts to involve him in their lives are going to just be met with disappointment so dont' even bother.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I feel badly for the daughter - she just followed what she saw her dad do.
I applaud the first boyfriend - he is "doing it by the book", and I wish them every good blessing for a long and happy marriage.
He seems like a great guy. And his family has welcomed her back. And he loves her children. Apparently, he loves kids but found out he can't have any. Sometimes you have to wonder how these things work out. They were apart long enough for her to have the kids and then found each other again.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
She forgave him for abandoning her. This might take a bit longer, if ever.
I don't think everything should be forgiven. Forgiveness involves the R's of repentance , remorse, regret, repair, not repeating, etc. God can forgive, doesn't mean she has too.
Personally, I'm not a forgiving person. There would be no way in hell I would forgive him and encourage my kids to want him included in any aspect of their lives. I hope they all learn their lesson and leave him to his new family. Which he'll probably dump, too, in a matter of time.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
She forgave him for abandoning her. This might take a bit longer, if ever.
I don't think everything should be forgiven. Forgiveness involves the R's of repentance , remorse, regret, repair, not repeating, etc. God can forgive, doesn't mean she has too.
Forgiving is an act that benefits the forgiver; not so much the forgiven.
I think one can live life and understand some things are wrong and evil and that some do wrong and evil. If God wants to forgive Hitler He may. Doesn’t mean i have too.
Was he always a bastard or did he seem to be a decent guy who then went off the rails?
He was my friend's high school sweetheart. She was a happily married woman up until the moment she found out. It completely blind-sided her.
Was he a snake behind her back for decades or did he get entangled later in life?
Who knows. And it doesn't matter. The damage to his family was done. She dated him from age 14 - his family was her family. Several of his family members won't speak to him - he lost his best friend. His parents supported him though, which has affected the kids relationship with their grandparents. Adultery affects a lot more people than the husband and wife. It is one of the most selfish, thoughtless things a person can do.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
She forgave him for abandoning her. This might take a bit longer, if ever.
I don't think everything should be forgiven. Forgiveness involves the R's of repentance , remorse, regret, repair, not repeating, etc. God can forgive, doesn't mean she has too.
Jesus said we need to forgive, forgiveness is more for our sake then the ones who hurt us and who shows no remorse. A hurt heart becomes unforgiving which turns to bitterness.
Was he always a bastard or did he seem to be a decent guy who then went off the rails?
He was my friend's high school sweetheart. She was a happily married woman up until the moment she found out. It completely blind-sided her.
Was he a snake behind her back for decades or did he get entangled later in life?
Who knows. And it doesn't matter. The damage to his family was done. She dated him from age 14 - his family was her family. Several of his family members won't speak to him - he lost his best friend. His parents supported him though, which has affected the kids relationship with their grandparents. Adultery affects a lot more people than the husband and wife. It is one of the most selfish, thoughtless things a person can do.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
She forgave him for abandoning her. This might take a bit longer, if ever.
I don't think everything should be forgiven. Forgiveness involves the R's of repentance , remorse, regret, repair, not repeating, etc. God can forgive, doesn't mean she has too.
Jesus said we need to forgive, forgiveness is more for our sake then the ones who hurt us and who shows no remorse. A hurt heart becomes unforgiving which turns to bitterness.
He also told the woman at the well, go and Sin No More. And, you don't get into Heaven unless you repent and accept God's forgiveness. So, no not everything is forgiven.
This is a prime example of why I say sometimes the most fatherly thing a man can do is to just disappear and never show his face again.
It is infuriating, I know. But the daughter is going to have to deal with this. She probably needs counseling.
And, she needs to forgive him. She doesn't have to have anything else to do with him, but if she could forgive him, she could heal.
She forgave him for abandoning her. This might take a bit longer, if ever.
I don't think everything should be forgiven. Forgiveness involves the R's of repentance , remorse, regret, repair, not repeating, etc. God can forgive, doesn't mean she has too.
Jesus said we need to forgive, forgiveness is more for our sake then the ones who hurt us and who shows no remorse. A hurt heart becomes unforgiving which turns to bitterness.
He also told the woman at the well, go and Sin No More. And, you don't get into Heaven unless you repent and accept God's forgiveness. So, no not everything is forgiven.
Yes he told her to sin no more, H e also told the disciples when asked how many times do you need to forgive someone He said 7 x 70, Matthew 6:15 definitely says we need to forgive.
Yes, and you aren't just cheating on your wife, you are cheating on your children. You are throwing away their family when you cheat. It's despicable.
I hate cheaters. They are the lowest of the low. You want out of the marriage get out. THEN find someone. Do it right.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
He is the biggest loser, he is the one who is not only losing a daughter, but his grandchildren as well. I would bet that his mistress/wife decided she wanted a new car or whatever and he chose to spend it on her so he tried to blame his daughter. He will be the one who will suffer from his poor choices. I Prayed that his daughter would forgive (for herself) and focus on her new life and family and no longer give him power to hurt her.
I doubt this new marriage is going to work out either. Several months ago, she threw him out for a few days - he stayed in a hotel. I think that he may be trying to do whatever he can to not lose the new wife - but that usually fails in the end, and then he'll be alone. And he'll deserve it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Was he always a bastard or did he seem to be a decent guy who then went off the rails?
He was my friend's high school sweetheart. She was a happily married woman up until the moment she found out. It completely blind-sided her.
Was he a snake behind her back for decades or did he get entangled later in life?
Who knows. And it doesn't matter. The damage to his family was done. She dated him from age 14 - his family was her family. Several of his family members won't speak to him - he lost his best friend. His parents supported him though, which has affected the kids relationship with their grandparents. Adultery affects a lot more people than the husband and wife. It is one of the most selfish, thoughtless things a person can do.
No, it doesn't matter. Just wondering though was he someone she was warned about or was he a good guy until he went off the rails? Is there a lesson in there for younger women? Just a question.
The lesson for any woman is make sure, no matter what, you can take of yourself and your family.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
One is responsible for ourselves and forgiveness is for our benefit not the offender.
Obviously we can’t forgive like Jesus, but Pray and turn it over to God and let it go, doesn’t mean one has to condone or have a relationship nor most likely should they and it’s will take a lot of Time and Prayer. Believe me it still makes me sad that my mom could have been happy,but my grandmother and her couldn’t let it go.
I feel for this young lady and I hope she won’t allow her Father ruin her chance of a happy life and home she deserves.
My ex never asked for forgiveness from me. But I was finally able to forgive him.
There are times I have to forgive him all over again, because I'm human and those old hurts come back.
I didn't forgive him for him. He couldn't care less. I forgive him because it was eating away at my joy.
I wasn't following God's commandments by holding on to that anger and hate. And my relationship with God, and my own joy is a thousand times more important than anger and hate toward my ex.
Forgiveness doesn't mean going to that person and telling them you forgive them. It's learning to let it go, and go on with your life.
It's the difference between being a victim and a survivor.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I don't think it's either or. I think one can go thru life and understand there are people who simply have chosen to do bad things. I don't necessarily feel that i need to be the one to forgive those bad things. That one can live with the reality of evil in the world but without it eating you alive. Yes, turn that person over to God as we have no power over them anyway.
When someone did something bad to me, I always beat myself up for not seeing it at the start and allowing it to happen. Fool me once, shame on you, twice, shame on me. I needed to learn to forgive myself. As for what they did, meh. Not everyone walks the straight line because it's the right thing to do. Some will do whatever they can get away with. I see it all the time.
I think there is a difference between ruminating on something and wanting to get revenge and thinking of that offense day and night. Yes, that would be harmful to one's mental health. But, you can just let things go and move on. I think some people are shamed into feeling like they should "forgive". And, that can mean different things to different people.
When you let things go and move on, that is forgiveness.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
To some that may be. I feel like I have walked away from things or let things go, not necessarily in an act of forgiveness. Maybe depends how you define it.
That’s true. If you beat my dog and I just stop thinking about that then I guess that is forgiveness . However i think more about it as an emotional component where you forgive but then are able to embrace or open your heart to that person.