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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Prudie: My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself
ed11563


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Dear Prudie: My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself
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Q. My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself: I am a single mother with a 14-year-old son. I knew this time was coming but now I fear I am close to my wit’s end. I have seen evidence in his bedroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. I know this is normal, but how much is too much? Things escalated last week when his hockey coach called me in for a conference. I have noticed my son has been taking a lot of penalties this season. It turns out he has been intentionally going to the penalty box to pleasure himself. I lashed out at him when about this and things have been awkward around the house this weekend. Am I overreacting? I know I have to talk about this with him in a calm setting, but I always find the thought of this type of discussion horrifying. I am losing sleep and I don’t want to succumb to letting his father deal with this, but what should I do?

A: First, watch the coming of age movie, The Squid and the Whale, then read Portnoy’s Complaint for some background on teenage boys wanking their way through these difficult years. The evidence in the sheets and towels is normal, and I don’t want to know what your son is doing to the groceries. Playing sports is tense, but what’s not normal is for him to forfeit the game in order to relieve some of the pressure. It’s also not normal that you are undone at the thought of having a serious talk with your boy, and that there’s something so wrong with your ex (or your son’s relationship with him) that the idea of a father-son talk is worse. Lashing out at a 14-year-old because he’s displaying troubling symptoms does not speak well for you, Mom. You need to apologize to your son, tell him this is a very hard conversation for you two to have, but you are concerned that he is not understanding the boundaries between public and private behavior. Say you know you aren’t good at talking about these things, and neither is his father, so you’re going to find him someone who is. Your son should see a male therapist—he needs intervention with someone who can be a trusted, calm, helpful adult.



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Vette


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I think Prudie gives good advice, also it could be a warning sign of past or current sexual abuse, a lot of foster kids have this issue of over masturbation, in fact most kids who have been sexually abused tend to display this behavior.

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Mellow Momma


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I was thinking that too Vette.


I was also thinking that I did NOT want to know what was happening in the kitchen.

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huskerbb


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Prudie really jumped to a conclusion that the father would somehow be unable, unwilling, or too incompetent to have a conversation with his son.

She doesn't know that at all. All she knows is that mom doesn't WANT that to happen.

I took that to mean that they were acrimoniously split up and mom doesn't want dad to have any part in "saving the day" here.

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Fort Worth Mom


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My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile



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flan327


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Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan



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huskerbb


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flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan

I'm sure they don't--but most aren't very good at hiding it, or lying.  



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Fort Worth Mom


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huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan

I'm sure they don't--but most aren't very good at hiding it, or lying.  

BS husker. I NEVER found a mess. My boys were GREAT at hiding it. Which meant......they never had to lie. biggrin 



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huskerbb


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Monkey See, Monkey Do



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just Czech


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Someone told me the tub is a great place..and it wasn't DH who told me that.



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VoiceOfReason


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Oh geez! Who writes to prudie about this stuff??

Any guy whacking off in the penalty box needs to see a therapist STAT!!!

I weep for the loss of common damn sense.



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ed11563


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just Czech wrote:

Someone told me the tub is a great place..and it wasn't DH who told me that.

The water tends to rinse away any lubricant. That can be a big problem. 



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
ed11563


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Fort Worth Mom wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan

I'm sure they don't--but most aren't very good at hiding it, or lying.  

BS husker. I NEVER found a mess. My boys were GREAT at hiding it. Which meant......they never had to lie. biggrin 

Kleenex and Vaseline by the bed.

Or, much better, a soft, warm, loving woman.



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
huskerbb


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ed11563 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan

I'm sure they don't--but most aren't very good at hiding it, or lying.  

BS husker. I NEVER found a mess. My boys were GREAT at hiding it. Which meant......they never had to lie. biggrin 

Kleenex and Vaseline by the bed.

Or, much better, a soft, warm, loving woman.

When you are 14?   



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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

 

Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
ed11563


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huskerbb wrote:
ed11563 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Fort Worth Mom wrote:

My boys must be odd.

I never found any evidence of, well.....you know.

My guess is, they did that in the shower?

I never found a mess. Never.

Lucky me!smile

 If I was a teenage boy, I would not WANT my mom or dad to "find evidence."

flan

I'm sure they don't--but most aren't very good at hiding it, or lying.  

BS husker. I NEVER found a mess. My boys were GREAT at hiding it. Which meant......they never had to lie. biggrin 

Kleenex and Vaseline by the bed.

Or, much better, a soft, warm, loving woman.

When you are 14?   

I think my parents wouldn't have minded, but I had no idea how to arrange that.



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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.

Always misinterpret when you can.
lilyofcourse


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This seems like a kid who is dealing with something else and yes, he needs to see someone.

And yeah, I would have made it clear to my sons that this is something you do in private. Period.

I had to have the talk with all my kids. And I covered it all. It wasn't anymore uncomfortable with my boys than it was with my daughter.

But it is something you HAVE to do.

As for hiding evidence. Yes. It isn't something I have ever found. No evidence ever.



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Doing it in your bedroom or the shower, fine. Doing it in public during a Hockey game is disgusting.

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Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

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More than disgusting...disturbing and possibly criminal. If he exposed himself, he could be arrested.

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lilyofcourse


My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

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Why do I think about that Divinyls song when I open this thread?

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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.

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NAOW


Vette's SS

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How does he not know that is not ok? Gross.

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Yeah, that's disgusting.

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