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huskerbb


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What the heck does this dumbass expect here?
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Q. Love & Marriage: My girlfriend of almost two years, part of it long distance, is turning 30 in a few weeks. She’s basically decided that if I haven’t proposed to her by then, she’s moving on. I love her very much but I don’t feel ready to make a big step like that, and I certainly don’t want to do it because of a deadline. This has put a real strain on our relationship—every disagreement devolves into a fight about “commitment.” I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t think is a healthy way to move forward. Any advice?

 

A: You could wish her a happy birthday and as a (parting) gift pay for a six-month membership to eHarmony and Match.com. It’s been two years, she’s 30, and you’re not ready. You can be not ready for the next 10 years and still end up with a brood of kids. She can’t. So if you’re not at the place in your life that you can commit, or she’s not the one you want to commit to, face it and move on.



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huskerbb


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Not ready to "commit"??? Fine. You don't have to.

However, you can't expect her to wait around another year, two, five, ten--and then find out you still aren't ready, or are then ready to move on.

Sometimes it's not a match. Quit being a cry baby and move on.

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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Nobody Just Nobody


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Obviously he doesn't want to get married and she does. They're not a match. Let her find someone who does want to marry her. Two years is plenty of time to know if you want to get married or not.

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Southern_Belle


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Yep, two years is too long with no commitment.

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Southern_Belle


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Patty from millionaire matchmaker says give him 12 months. No ring, Buh Bye!

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Nobody Just Nobody


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Yep. If you don't know in two years it's time to get out.

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Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

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Honestly, there are quite a few of us here who knew immediately. When you know, you know. And if you don't know, the answer is no.

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Nobody Just Nobody


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I have to agree. Even when I was dating if it took two years I knew something wasn't working. By then you either know or you just don't want to get married. End of story. And I'm not judging here. Some people don't want to get married and that's perfectly okay. If you don't find someone else that doesn't value getting married. But let go of the person you're dating that does so they can find a like valued person.

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Southern_Belle


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I let the ex bf live with me almost 5 years. I was ready to give him the heave ho but then he heaved himself. should have never let it go that far. He was ok with never marrying again, I wasn't.

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Southern_Belle


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If she has to pressure him where's the romance? I would never want a guy that I had to force to marry me.

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Mellow Momma


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Amen!

People who hold onto someone they have no intention of committing to, but don't want to let go, really irk me. You can't have it both ways. Especially when a woman's biological clock is ticking.

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huskerbb


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What REALLY bugs me is a couple who might have a kid or three--but don't want the "commitment" of marriage.

WTF????

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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Southern_Belle


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Yep husker. Sad for the children.

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Mellow Momma


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huskerbb wrote:

What REALLY bugs me is a couple who might have a kid or three--but don't want the "commitment" of marriage.

WTF????

 I agree. The time to reconsider commitment for life was before birth of offspring. 



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Yep. I hate when people live together and have kids and justify it by saying it's the same as marriage.

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Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

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Know what is the same as marriage ?

Marriage.

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Southern_Belle


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If you can pack up and just walk away without any legal involvement it isn't the same.

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Southern_Belle


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I never let anyone call exbf and I husband and wife. We have common law here and I wasn't going to let him call me wife if I wasn't.



-- Edited by Southern_Belle on Monday 20th of October 2014 07:30:30 PM

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coldean


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So he wants to never commit but neither leave...
Yea you and every other bozo..

Kick him to the curb. Can't have your cake and eat it too

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lilyofcourse


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Actually. He has been eating his cake for two years.



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Nobody Just Nobody


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He's not going to be able to eat it all I suspect.

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NAOW


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Wow, I am really surprised and impressed that everyone agrees on this one.

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just Czech


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NAOW wrote:

Wow, I am really surprised and impressed that everyone agrees on this one.

The Twilight Zone really must exist. wink

I can't remember the last time everyone agreed on anything.  



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Nobody Just Nobody


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Well, I don't think it's a bad thing that HE doesn't want to get married. It just means his values are different than hers. Or she's not the one for him. Either way he needs to let her go and let her find what she wants because obviously he's not going to be it.

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huskerbb


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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

Well, I don't think it's a bad thing that HE doesn't want to get married. It just means his values are different than hers. Or she's not the one for him. Either way he needs to let her go and let her find what she wants because obviously he's not going to be it.

Of course.  If he's not ready--he's not ready, and he's correct in the fact that a marriage proposal by "ultimatum" would not be a healthy thing for the relationship going forward.

 

The problem is that she's not somehow "wrong", either, for wanting more of a commitment.

 

He wants to keep banging her--while basically keeping his options open.  Can't have it both ways.  Sometimes it's just not a match.  



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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Nobody Just Nobody


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OMG I completely 100% agree with what husker just said. Someone mark this day in history.

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huskerbb


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I HATE ultimatums like this--but at the end of the day, what's she supposed to do? Keep waiting around for something that may never come? She has goals and dreams in life, as well, and she's made it clear that they can include him--or not.

I don't blame her for not wanting to be that woman at 40 years old who waited around and now has no marriage, no kids (which she presumably wants), and--no boyfriend, either.

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Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Tinydancer


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Ultimatums don't work. She needs to just leave. Why leave the decision up to him? She needs to take control of her own life and he's made his feelings clear.

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DemoniaD


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Sometimes in life, you love someone that is going in a different direction. When that happens, the best thing you can do for them is let go. ISure it hurts for a minute, but you'll both be better off in the long run.

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Mary Zombie


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Yeah....she should just give up her dreams and wait around for the Bozo.

Or not.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dump his arse.

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DemoniaD


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Hi Mary!

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Nobody Just Nobody


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We were at McDonald's today and there was a girl serving us who was 17 and not wearing a wedding band. Out of curiosity we politely asked her how old she was. She was very pregnant and had her (we assume) boyfriends name tattooed across her neck. Nothing says commitment like being 17, unmarried, and having a neck tattoo of your b/f's name. I'm fairly sure that's the same thing as marriage. Sarcasm noted.

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Southern_Belle


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I bet she was a lovely girl.

Snort...

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Nobody Just Nobody


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You know, she seemed really nice and we felt sorry for her. I'll bet you she had no idea how terrible it is in the business world to have your whole neck, visible to all, tattooed up. She will never move up the ladder anywhere really I bet.

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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
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Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

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And whine about how people discriminate against those with tattoos.

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Pretty much.

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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
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Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

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DD's BFF has one. It's just an arm band. She can't get a job because she is an obnoxious mouthy person that has no self control but now she says it's because of the tat.

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Well, I'm sure the tat doesn't help.

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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
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Mellow Momma


Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

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Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

We were at McDonald's today and there was a girl serving us who was 17 and not wearing a wedding band. Out of curiosity we politely asked her how old she was. She was very pregnant and had her (we assume) boyfriends name tattooed across her neck. Nothing says commitment like being 17, unmarried, and having a neck tattoo of your b/f's name. I'm fairly sure that's the same thing as marriage. Sarcasm noted.

 As a former teen mom, there is no polite way to ask her age. She probably gets asked about 10-20 times a day.  It's exhausting. And people only ask because they are judging her and her situation.

 

And it's not really any of your business. At least she was working, and earning money. 

 

Sorry...you know I love you...but this struck a nerve with me. 



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Nobody Just Nobody


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You may be right. Probably are. And yes. She was working. That was a good thing. I guess we were just sad for her, not in a pity way, because she had limited her choices. Not by the pregnancy but with the neck tattoo. Although being a young mom doesn't help I'm sure. But I don't know. Maybe she has tons of support.

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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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Oh, and we didn't just walk up to her and ask. She was very very very chatty. We actually couldn't get her to shut up. She was telling us what the most popular burger was and what was going on in the back and how things were cooked...

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Vette


Owl drink to that!

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Tattoos are so much more acceptable now than they used to be, you'd be surprised. Granted, not everywhere but they are so commonplace a lot of businesses don't mind.

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Southern_Belle


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Most everyone I know has at least one. Except my family. One of my sisters has one. That's it. I have 4.

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VoiceOfReason


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VetteGirl wrote:

Tattoos are so much more acceptable now than they used to be, you'd be surprised. Granted, not everywhere but they are so commonplace a lot of businesses don't mind.

 My investment banker has full sleeves.  I think it's very common now.  And with call centers, IT jobs, many non-customer facing jobs are more open to hiring non-conforming people.  Hell, many HR execs  sport tats. The new generation isnt nearly as opposed to ink as our generation is.

 



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VoiceOfReason


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I have exactly 0 tattoos. Nada.none.zip.

Mr.VoR? A lot.

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Southern_Belle


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I want another.

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Nobody Just Nobody


Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

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SOME businesses don't care. I still know a lot of businesses that do. And also WHERE the tattoo is and what it is matters. You simply can't tell me otherwise. Having someone's name tattoo'ed on your neck is not the same as having a tattoo on your ankle or upper arm or azz or breast or back.

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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!”
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Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

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I know what I want but I need to decide on the location and find the right artist to draw it out and do it.

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Southern_Belle


Nothing's Impossible

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All mine can be covered.

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