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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Making people happy by promising what we don’t deliver
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Making people happy by promising what we don’t deliver
Published on October 19, 2014 by Jeremy E. Sherman, Ph.D. in Ambigamy

“You said you’d be here a half hour ago! What’s your ETA?”

“Sorry. Soon!”

“Soon doesn’t tell me anything. How soon?”

“15 minutes.”

Arriving, 45 minutes later:

“You said 15!”

“Yeah, I guessed I’d be later but I didn’t want to make you angry.”

“But I am twice as angry that you made me wait for a half hour twice.”

“My intentions were good.”

It’s not fun disappointing people, so when we see an opening to keep them happy in the moment, we’re tempted to take it, even if it makes them twice as unhappy later. I’d call this being Happy-Two-Faced, a happy-face attitude that ultimately makes us two-faced.

Bosses are notoriously happy-two-faced. You’re frustrated on the job. The boss tries to reassure you that things will get better. If you press the boss for specifics, he might pull some improvement out of thin air, for example, “I’m planning to bring in more support staff so things will get easier.               

   Alater, the proposed improvement vanishes back into thin air, maybe with the boss apologizing for the withdrawal saying that improvement proved infeasible, maybe with the boss not even acknowledging the withdrawal. The boss loses credibility and the staff get cynical. But he thinks he’s a generous fellow for having tried to keep you happy.

The Happy-Two-Faced pattern is a recurring theme in the TV series “The Office,” but it’s not just bosses. We see it in parenting, friendships, partnerships, and certainly in politics where campaign promises make voters happy are never delivered.

Happy-Two-Faced tendencies leave us guessing at what kind of person we’re dealing with. Did the boss know he wasn’t going to follow through on the improvement? If so, then he’s simply a lying manipulator

Did he really mean to follow through but couldn’t? If so then maybe it’s not his fault.

Or did he really have good intentions but couldn’t think beyond couldn’t think beyond calming you in the moment, in which case maybe he’s just stupidly shortsighted. 

Confronting the boss about it you probably won’t get much clarity. Bosses can be stupid, or they can be stupid like a fox, unaware of their own failings because it serves him not to be aware of them. Think George W.

When we’re dealing with the Happy-Two-Faced, it’s easy to be disgusted as though we would never be so irresponsible and insensitive. But don’t be too sure about that.

High-pressure positions will bring out the worst Happy-Two-Faced behavior in any of us. Yes, some personalities are more prone to it, but a lot of it is a function of pressing circumstances.

People in high places often have remarkably little power, really. To keep their high status, they’ll be tempted to hold onto their dream of having more power than the position really affords them, and tempted to keep you believing they have more power than they do. Politicians these days exemplify this tendency to a tee. In political gridlock they have almost no power, but you sure won’t hear about that on the campaign trail.

Maybe you’ve had to deal with people who are bad at providing accurate ETA’s as in the example at the beginning of this article. And maybe you’ve been that person too, probably at a time when you’re schedule was more full than you could reliably manage.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201410/happy-two-faced-common-crime-shortsighted-kindness

 

      You walk away reassured, and then feel twice the frustration when a week


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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I call that my BS-Ometer. Bullschitometer. I am sooooo sick of people who simply tell you what they think you want to hear. You get this a lot from businesses, sales people, or anyone that you are interacting with if you are trying to get something done.

Case in Point. My daughter missed picture day in Sept. She was ill. So, she had to schedule her pic for Retake Day. And, she was concerned she would not be in the yearbook. Sooooo, I personally called the Yearbook Editor at the school and she ASSURED me my dd would be in Yearbook. Uh huh. It felt like the "i will take care of it canned response", but I accepted that. Then after Picture Retake Day came again, I called her and she ASSURED me my DD would be in the Yearbook. Of course, what happened? Yearbooks came out and NO picture. Yeah, it isn't the end of the world. But, I am literally sick to death of people who simply fluff off your concerns by giving you a line of BS so you will go away. If you aren't going to take care of it or if she missed her chance to be in the Yearbook, then simply tell me. But, it was embarrassing for her to have to find out the day the Yearbook came out. And, I just find this more and more and more. There is a pretense of help, but in reality, it is just smoke and mirrors.

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JPT


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I can relate to your disappointment...heck my younger DS was left out of the yearbook his junior year because his exGF (on the YB staff) was pissed, and removed it, and the faculty advisor never checked.

But maybe I can give a bit of the "other" side of this. I do embroidery (commercial) and I get this from the casual customer (not business, usually some kind of one off fluff, hankies, baby stuff, etc).

They bring me some cheap ass thing and want it personalized. I only do the small items one day a week (the rest of the week, I have three heads running big jobs, and the little one item things are total time and money wasters, but you do them because you need the "goodwill" in the community to keep business customers. Customer brings me an item...I ask when they need it. Oh, in a week or so. Fine...I set up the file, and put it into the production schedule.
Then customer calls a couple of days later...they actually need it sooner. Ummm, no can do, unless they want to pay a rush fee. No, they don't want to do that. Then they call every single day to "check" on their order. Yeah, this is why a lot of embroiderers are not eager to accept this kind of work anymore. When I do finish it (in the week specified), I call them to pick it up...and get this...they don't show up for another two weeks.

Or the case of the customer who wants tee shirts made. They don't have any art. "Oh, just get a generic picture, I'm not fussy" DH gets the appropriate stock art, sets it up, sends a proof. Customer then emails "Oh, I don't LIKE that one, I want something like THIS" and attaches a low resolution piece of crap they snagged from some website. DH grumbles, heck if you knew what you wanted, why not just send it in the first place?"

Now when we get those kind of "Just pick anything, I'm not fussy" customers, we double the art charge, and make THEM submit an example of the concept.

So keep in mind that we may be totally honest in our estimate of when your work will be done, but we are also at the mercy of supplier short shipment, delivery problems, equipment breakdowns....yeah, go ahead and yell at us, but we have only missed ONE delivery deadline in 8 years of business, and that was because of a double screw up on the part of our machine tech support sending first the WRONG part, then failing to send the right part for Saturday delivery. But we were the ones who had to accept the wrath of the customer....

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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I am not yelling anybody. Just tell me the truth. Don't assure me that YES, her picture will be in the Yearbook. The makeup pics were taken in October. The Yearbook does not even come out until the end of the School year. She just told me BullSchit and blew me off. That is different than someone honestly trying to do a good job and things come up. Yeah, I get that. If some one tells me they are going to come over and give an estimate at X time and they then call and say Sorry, I can't make it can we reschedule, then fine? They tried to make good. That is different than oh yeah, yeah, will be there and being a no show.

Another case in point, I wanted to have cable TV installed. I SPECIFICALLY called the Cable company to verify my channel line up and list of channels. There was a specific channel we wanted and I told them that when I called and they said Yes, it was available for my home at my address, blah, blah. Fine, so I scheduled them to come and install. They went thru 2 hrs to install it, turned it on and I said where is X Channel? They look dumbfrucked and said , oh we don't know. So, then I said, I specifically said I wanted this channel and was told it was available. Then we had to go thru a bunch of baloney, calling the office and then finally they determined that No this channel was not available. I said, fine, pack up your stuff, uninstall and goodbye. They wasted their time and my time.

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