TOTALLY GEEKED!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I hate schools.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Agreed, same as the team games where everyone wins - what is that about? What indeed do they think they're teaching with all this? Sometimes I'm thankful I don't have children/grandchildren simply because it means I don't have to worry about them in this crazy world today! cry

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

SS hasn't done any homework in three weeks. None. Not a lick. So his progress report came out and he's failing. But they told us not to worry. If he will do the homework they will "modify" his report card to read that he was passing. Huh? That's not how real life works.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

J tried that. Not doing his work. Any of it. And he was still passed. Because he scored so high on the tests.

How is he scoring on tests?

I had to go to the school more than once tell them to stop making it so easy to make up the work. Set a deadline and let that be it.

J has always coasted through school not doing his homework. That kid will sit and figure what grade he needs on tests and EOCTs to pass the course.

I know it isn't easy with SS being in two different homes. That is the real obstacle. If it were one home then restrictions would be easier to enforce.

He may have to fail to get the message. No matter how many chances he gets. If he doesn't turn the work in all year, he will eventually fail.

I know that isn't what you want to hear. Sorry.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I agree NJN. I don't like when the schools make it too easy on the kids. It doesn't help teach the lesson that if you don't follow the rules, you face the music.

When DD was in the sixth grade or so, she had a habit of forgetting something she needed every darn night. I took her back to school to pick up whatever she forgot. Finally I told her she got one trip back to school a month and that was it. Well, inevitably she forgot something and I didn't take her back. I told her she had to face the consequences. The next day she told the teacher "I forgot my homework and my mom would t bring to school to get it" The teacher made a nasty remark about how it must be awful to have a mom who was "too busy for her child's education". I called and had a NICE long chat with the teacher about what really happened, what I was teaching my child, and why she needed to shut her darn mouth until she got the full story. She apologized - but honestly didn't see the point of making DD face the music. DD DID learn her lesson though. After that she remembered everything she needed!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Well let's hope this all comes to an end after next week.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Ah, yes. No child left behind. Which actually means - no child excels.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yep. SS has "forgotten" to give his mom his progress report. That translates into "I haven't given her my progress report because she's going to get mad." DH tried to call both SS and the ex but neither of them are answering. I did likewise but they are not answering my calls either. The teacher has emailed Satan three times with no response. That's what led her to email me. She usually emails me because well, we asked her to email me before DH because I check my email more often. And I always relay the message.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I love how the kids "forget" - like we will just not follow up and forget about it. Has that trick ever worked?! Lol

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Ah, yes. No child left behind. Which actually means - no child excels.

Honestly this is one of the reasons we chose private schools. In our experience, they do a much better job of helping the advanced kids stay engaged. In DD's middle school, they bussed 2 kids to the high school to attend math class there. Pre calc for 8th graders becasuse those 2 kids were so advanced that they craved it. In my experience, a public school would have kept those kids in their grade appropriate class and they would not have been challenged.

I understand that each public and private school is different. This is just the experience we had.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
I love how the kids "forget" - like we will just not follow up and forget about it. Has that trick ever worked?! Lol

It works temporarily. IOW's it prolongs getting into trouble. But yes, eventually the inevitable happens.

He is in the gifted and talented program. He's smart. He's capable. He just fails to turn in stuff. Half the time he does it and half the time he doesn't do it. It's not that he's not capable, he just doesn't want to. Personally, I'd let him fail to teach him a lesson. But I'm not the biological parent and only have input as far as suggesting things to DH. He does not want him to fail. Neither does his mom. So the school will keep passing SS along even though he does the bare minimum.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Ah, yes. No child left behind. Which actually means - no child excels.
Honestly this is one of the reasons we chose private schools. In our experience, they do a much better job of helping the advanced kids stay engaged. In DD's middle school, they bussed 2 kids to the high school to attend math class there. Pre calc for 8th graders becasuse those 2 kids were so advanced that they craved it. In my experience, a public school would have kept those kids in their grade appropriate class and they would not have been challenged.

I understand that each public and private school is different. This is just the experience we had.

Our daughter is in a theme school. It has very limited resources for special needs kids. It can do IEPs for medical reasons, but for challenged children, they have to go to their regular public school to get the help they need. And then with our behavioral and grade requirements, our kids really have the opportunity to learn. Our school is only 6 years old, and the middle school is the top middle school in the state.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

My son was doing well and then placed in the gifted class in elem school. It was basically one additional class. Then he just kept "forgetting" the work for that class. He just didn't want to do it and wanted to be with his friends. I took him out and put him back in the regular class and then he was fine. If I want to supplement him I just buy him a new book.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

He goes to a very small school. And I don't want to sound racist but there are only two kinds of kids there basically. There is my SS's class and then there is the non English speaking classes. All his friend are in his class with him. So I don't think that's the problem. I think part of the problem is there is no parental supervision at home. Another part of the problem is he's been told for years, even by teachers, that he's brilliant. That he doesn't even need to try. He's just THAT smart. So he doesn't bother. Why should he try when he can just show up and slide by?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Oh, and let's not forget cute. "He's sooooooooo cute." Well, I don't give a damn. Unless you're a super model you can't make it on looks alone.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Oh, and let's not forget cute. "He's sooooooooo cute." Well, I don't give a damn. Unless you're a super model you can't make it on looks alone.

Make models make substantially less than female models. It's one of the very few careers where women make more money than men. So tell him to get the homework done. Lol

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Well, realistically he's not model material. He's cute but not model cute. And he wouldn't even want to do that. He wants to work on computers or do something that will require a degree. He just thinks it's all going to be handed to him.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Is there a coding class you could sign him up for somewhere and make turning in his homework for the week his "ticket" to the computer class?

I know you want him to just DO it because he is supposed to. Sometimes with smart kids that doesn't work. They really understand cause and effect and if there is no effect, they don't care about the cause. Just an idea.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
Is there a coding class you could sign him up for somewhere and make turning in his homework for the week his "ticket" to the computer class?

I know you want him to just DO it because he is supposed to. Sometimes with smart kids that doesn't work. They really understand cause and effect and if there is no effect, they don't care about the cause. Just an idea.

The teachers already do this. He is rewarded with extra computer time and reading time if he finishes his homework or if he gets it in on time. He told the teacher he doesn't care because he gets to play as many video games at home as he wants. I feel sorry for the teachers. They have tried EVERYTHING. DH and I met with them. What is lacking is cooperation from his mom.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Yeah... She is definitely the problem. Those poor teachers. At least they tried.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I have to say the teachers are between a rock and a hard place. They're emails and phone calls to mom go basically unnoticed. And I'm not sure they want her to answer them because when they do it's always their fault and never SS's. We show up and are caring and want to know what's going on but it's a hard line to walk. We don't want to sound like vindictive exes. We don't want to come off as hateful to her because we say she's a worthless parent. But OTOH that's pretty much the situation. And we've told them we'll work with them but we can only do so much too. It's frustrating.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I don't blame you for being frustrated. I admire how you continually choose the high road when dealing with her insanity. It's the right thing to do, but it would drive me nuts! Lol

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
I don't blame you for being frustrated. I admire how you continually choose the high road when dealing with her insanity. It's the right thing to do, but it would drive me nuts! Lol

Well, my DH constantly encourages me to take the high road. If left up to me I wouldn't. But every time he says to take the high road he has turned out to be right. It's definitely not easy. I see where my SS respects me though. He doesn't respect his mom. Plus, if I act catty and shallow then she is not going to allow me to be around my SS. Everything I do I do for HIM. Nothing is done for her.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes, sometimes you want to just let go a barrage of what you really think! That is very difficult to do for sure, but ultimately gives peace to your SS and that is a wonderful gift.

-- Edited by Lady Gaga Snerd on Friday 31st of October 2014 06:26:51 AM

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I had a really hard time with J and "forgetting" his work. He just wouldn't do it.

It wasn't easy but I finally told him if he failed than he failed. I made him responsible for his future. He got a dose of that reality the first time he got a bad grade on his report card. And I kept reminding him that if he failed, he would just have to do the whole thing over next year. He got his act together and he has been doing well since.

Sometimes, we have to let our kids fail.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't get the hysteria that so many parents have about failing. You can't ever succeed if you don't fail. Lessons come from failure and when they do you take those lessons and learn and it makes you better. The biggest parenting problem and educational problem today is that kids are no longer expected to take ownership. They don't own what they do. We keep pandering and propping and excusing lazy, weak, undisciplined performances. The kids who do well aren't allowed to be happy for their success because that might make the others "feel bad". Well, maybe a dose of feeling bad and looking up to someone who is working hard and doing well is just what is needed?
And, there is a point where you kid has to own his choices. My oldest son just has never done well in school. We did everything we possibly could and so did the school to try to help him succeed. Well, finally, I just said, my hands are off the wheel. It's yours to own. If you fail you fail. If you mess up you can go sit in dentention hall or the Principals office or whatever. It's yours. You own it. You cannot make any excuses because its soley yours.
The reality is that if you care about it more than they do, then that isn't helping them. You can only help someone to the extent that they help themselves. People think of kids as passive sponges that teachers just simply have to cram full of info. Learning doesn't work like that. Learning is active. There are kids who simply just will not try or wont' exert effort. Yes, many of them dont' do so out of fear of failing or they don't understand and if you work with them, you can ignite a fire in them. However, there are some kids and adults who choose to live life letting the wind blow them wherever and never really applying themselves.

JPT · Senior Member

I'll tell you when these kids will learn about the consequences of not complying with deadlines...when people like me hire and then have to fire them. Seriously haven't had a quality employee under the age of 30 yet...

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I agree with every one of you. I seriously do. But it is not up to me if he fails. I have even asked several of his teachers to give him a zero on assignments so he will learn. They refuse. And his parents do not want him to fail. In school they defend him every time he gets in trouble. Whether it be for misbehaving or bad grades. They don't want anything on his permanent record.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I agree with every one of you. I seriously do. But it is not up to me if he fails. I have even asked several of his teachers to give him a zero on assignments so he will learn. They refuse. And his parents do not want him to fail. In school they defend him every time he gets in trouble. Whether it be for misbehaving or bad grades. They don't want anything on his permanent record.

You're in a tough spot, NJN. The fact that his parents defend him every time he gets in trouble. And won't let him suffer the consequences of his actions, doesn't bode well for his future.

Until they see the light, you're stuck. cry

I don't know what else you can do.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Honestly DH doesn't defend him. He knows how SS can be and understands that this is SS's fault. He completely sees and understands that SS is behind this. His mom doesn't agree. BUT, DH also doesn't want him to have any failing grades. Or suffer the consequences of his bad behavior.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

So here's an update. DH emailed the teacher to see if SS ever turned in his homework. He finally turned it in today. My guess is his mom said he wouldn't get to go trick or treating if he didn't. The teacher said she has raised his grade from failing to passing and that she wishes she could raise it more. (Like he deserves or needs an A for pulling this crap!) DH then asked for a copy of his progress. She told us the easiest way to get a copy of his progress report would be to sign in online. So I went to the site to create an account. Well, this is not easy. You have to download a four page form and fill it out and sign it and mail it in to the online department of the school. They don't take it in person and they don't take it online. By snail mail only. Once they receive it they will mail you a temporary account and you can sign in and establish your own account. AND, I cannot have my name on it because I am not the legal parent. So basically I am going to have to print this out, sign DH's name, and mail it in so we can get the ball rolling on this. Sure, sounds reasonable. And they wonder why parents don't give a crap. Who has time for this mess?

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

And my kids school did everything online but it was not this complicated. Each parent had to set up an account online using your childs ID number. That's the number on their school card that they use to check out books and buy lunches. So not difficult. Once the parent sets up an account they can add whomever they want to that account. Like a step parent. But everyone would have to log in under that account. Students are given their own account the first day of school. So it doesn't have to be this complicated.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

That is the problem with homework nowadays. Did your parents hover over making sure you did your homework? Mine most certainly did not. Yes, I can see checking on your kids in early years but kids should just be responsible to get it done themselves. However, I do not think kids should be given much homework in K thru 5. Just my opinion. Some homework maybe once or twice a week, but not every night. I think they are setting kids up for failure by pushing this responsibility on them so early. By doing this, of course younger elementary kids are going to forget and not get it done at times. But, this might freak them out the first few times they forget, well, then they realize, nothing is really going to happen and the world keeps spinning. So, as a result of this, we inoculate them from taking homework seriously by the time they get to Junior High. And, that is the point where I see a lot of kids start falling behind.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

The school district we moved from in Indiana (DD went to private school, did not attend in the district) was the WORST. Every teacher in every grade in the district was required to count tests as 80% of the final grade. Homework could only be counted as a maximum of 20%.

So the kids figured out that all they had to do was score well on the tests, homework was mathematically irrelevant. Nice lesson.

Those kids will go to college and figure out the hard way that if you don't keep up with homework, you will be screwed.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Yep. Pretty much. All my SS has learned is that if he doesn't want to do something one day he can prolong it till whenever he wants. I have told him over and over and over again that in the real world bosses don't put up with that. He continually tells me his boss will. Good luck.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
Yep. Pretty much. All my SS has learned is that if he doesn't want to do something one day he can prolong it till whenever he wants. I have told him over and over and over again that in the real world bosses don't put up with that. He continually tells me his boss will. Good luck.

By the time SS and the other kids growing up with kind of atmosphere are looking for jobs they probably will.

If there are any jobs to have.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I want to work for his future boss too! Lol

Actually it would probably drive me nuts.

Your SS will learn. It will take while, but he will.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Kids learn real fast how to work the school system. They probably become the coworkers we hate because they don't do jack and the boss loves them.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

The problem is we have coddled kids and made the world such a safe place for them that they can no longer fail. They no longer know what it means to not be the best. Or to not get what you want. Then they hit the real world and find out it's not that way at all. And they don't know how to function. Because life is no longer fair.