TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Hasloo Group Production Studio/Shutterstock

Recently I wrote about Juan Mann, the founder of the “Free Hugs” movement who felt so deprived of meaningful human contact that he offered to embrace strangers on the street. Perhaps you can identify with Mann. How often do you find yourself feeling lonely, craving more affection than you get? Maybe you wish your spouse or partner were a bit more demonstrative of his or her love. Maybe you’ve tried without success to get certain people in your life to be more affectionate with you, so you go on wishing for more affection than you receive. If any of these sound familiar, then you’re experiencing a common problem known as skin hunger, and you're far from alone. Consider:

Three out of every four adults agree with the statement, “Americans suffer from skin hunger.”
More Americans live alone than ever before.
One in four Americans reports not having not a single person to talk to about important issues.
Loneliness among American ad
These facts help us understand the nature of skin hunger, which is both an acknowledgement that we don’t get as much affection as we need, and of our drive to get more. We normally associate hunger with food, of course—but we don’t feel hunger simply because we want food. We feel hunger because we need food, just as we feel thirsty because we need water, and tired because we need sleep. Our bodies know what they require to function properly, and research suggests that affection belongs on that list, right behind food, water, and rest.
Just as lack of food, water, and rest have their detrimental effects, so too does the lack of affection. In a recent study of 509 adults, I examined the construct of skin hunger—and the social, relational, and health deficits with which it is associated. The results were consistent, and striking. People with high levels of skin hunger are disadvantaged in multiple ways, compared to those with moderate or low levels. Specifically, compared to people with less skin hunger, people who feel more affection-deprived: are less happy; more lonely; more likely to experience depression and stress; and, in general, in worse health. They have less social support and lower relationship satisfaction. They experience more mood and anxiety disorders, and more secondary immune disorders (those that are acquired rather than inherited genetically). They are more likely to have alexithymia, a condition that impairs their ability to express and interpret emotion. Finally, they are more likely to have a preoccupied or fearful avoidant attachment style; they're less likely to form secure attachments with others in their lives.
These findings don’t establish that skin hunger causes all of these negative conditions, only that people who feel highly affection-deprived are more likely than others to experience them. If you’re one of those peopleults has increased 16 percent in the last decade.
though, these findings probably come as no surprise. Affectionate contact is so necessary for a healthy life that we suffer when we don’t get enough.
Fortunately, skin hunger doesn’t have to be a permanent condition. Each of us has the capacity to get more affection in our lives. In the meantime, put down your cell phone and share an affectionate moment with someone in person. For those with skin hunger, human contact—not the technologically mediated variety—is the cure for what ails.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Fortunately, I was born into a very affectionate family. We all got lots of hugs. We give lots of hugs, always.
I give each of the grand's several hugs and kisses a day. Even the 12 year old. He still likes the hugs. I have told him that he will never be to old for grandma hugs.
People choose to close themselves off in life. Touch is not a bad thing. Reach out and hug someone today. Or better yet, start talking to people, not at them. And quit being so standoffish. That bugs the heck out of me and then they wonder why no one talks to them.
DH's family, no. They are not huggers or touchers. I have always had a hard time with that aspect of his family. They just feel cold to me. IMHO, if you are physically cold, you are mentally cold. I am also well aware that it is cultural as well.
Good article, LGS.
There, are you happy now? biggrin

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I don't mind the hand shake or even a hug now and then.

But there are times, like at church, when everyone wants to hug you and you end up with a little of everyone's perfume or cologne on your cheek and that make up and all that. I just don't care for that.

I will hug my kids and family all day, every day. But I don't need to hug everyone in the church, the mall, or the store.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

just Czech wrote:
Fortunately, I was born into a very affectionate family. We all got lots of hugs. We give lots of hugs, always.
I give each of the grand's several hugs and kisses a day. Even the 12 year old. He still likes the hugs. I have told him that he will never be to old for grandma hugs.
People choose to close themselves off in life. Touch is not a bad thing. Reach out and hug someone today. Or better yet, start talking to people, not at them. And quit being so standoffish. That bugs the heck out of me and then they wonder why no one talks to them.
DH's family, no. They are not huggers or touchers. I have always had a hard time with that aspect of his family. They just feel cold to me. IMHO, if you are physically cold, you are mentally cold. I am also well aware that it is cultural as well.
Good article, LGS.
There, are you happy now?

Hug me!!!!! biggrin

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

We are all actually pretty reserved type of people. None of us really are natural huggers. Some people just have that warm, huggable prescence about them. That isn't us. So, I have to make a mental note to not get lax because it is very easy to slip into our routines and just do our own things. So, my sons aren't always crazy about it but I make sure they get a hug and kiss daily, lol.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

DD is a hugger. She hugs everyone. She has one friend that doesn't like physical contact, but will hug DD to make her happy. DD has always craved more physical affection though - even as a baby.

DD in NYC - the high school she went to was a hugging high school. The boys hugged each other, the parents hugged each other...at first I was annoyed. After a month or so, I actually learned to like it. The elementary school she went to was really stuck up and cold. It was such a change I almost couldn't deal.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I don't even like to shake hands. Germs!

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't mind the hand shake or even a hug now and then.

But there are times, like at church, when everyone wants to hug you and you end up with a little of everyone's perfume or cologne on your cheek and that make up and all that. I just don't care for that.

I will hug my kids and family all day, every day. But I don't need to hug everyone in the church, the mall, or the store.

Are the one who want to hug in the mall or a store...

pickpockets? I would be worried.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

ed11563 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
I don't mind the hand shake or even a hug now and then.

But there are times, like at church, when everyone wants to hug you and you end up with a little of everyone's perfume or cologne on your cheek and that make up and all that. I just don't care for that.

I will hug my kids and family all day, every day. But I don't need to hug everyone in the church, the mall, or the store.
Are the one who want to hug in the mall or a store...
pickpockets? I would be worried.

We know a whole of people. I cant go anywhere without running into people I know, my parents know, know who I am or knows who my parents are.

Blankie · Guru

Hugs are great. But courtesy around hugging is nice too.

It's natural among close family. But with strangers, or more distant relatives, I wish people wouldn't assume it's always okay, because it isn't.

I go to support groups where hugging is common. But it's always nicer when a person asks first - "can I have a hug?"

Then you at least have a choice. Today I have a bad cold and didn't want to be getting close to people. So the request first was good.

And mandatory hugging for children is not good. If a weird relative skeeves them out at a holiday gathering, and their instinct tells them they don't want to hug, they should be able to honor that instinct and choose who they want to hug. Kids should have autonomy over what they do with their bodies.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I agree Blankie. When I was small,a man who worked for my grandfather always wanted a hug and I just refused. No idea why. My grandmother told me how embarrassed she was but my mom stuck up for me and said I didn't have to hug anyone I didn't want to. She really stuck up for me, and grandma let it go. I appreciated that I wasnt forced to hug that guy.

No clue why I refused. My cousin, a boy, always hugged him but I never did.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I don't want to be hugging people, I barely hug my own family unless it's my mom or sister. But when I hug my brothers it's a super stiff and awkward hug, especially because I don't want my boobs to touch them.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

I hate it when men at church who I don't know well want to hug me. It is probably entirely innocent but I still don't like it. Sometimes pastors have to address the issue with the congregation - everyone's comfort zone can be entirely different than that of those around you, I suppose.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

My parents were not huggers. I don't even remember seeing them be affectionate with each other.

I changed that with my boys.

flan

tlc · Regular

My family isn't affectionate either and it really doesn't bother me. I'm pretty private and reserved and don't really care to be hugged.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Honeys_Mom wrote:
I hate it when men at church who I don't know well want to hug me. It is probably entirely innocent but I still don't like it. Sometimes pastors have to address the issue with the congregation - everyone's comfort zone can be entirely different than that of those around you, I suppose.

Yes, that is a good point. And, there are different types of hugs. There is a little pat around the pat kind of hug and a big bear squeeze body bump.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
My parents were not huggers. I don't even remember seeing them be affectionate with each other.

I changed that with my boys.

flan

Are they huggers now with their families?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
flan327 wrote:
My parents were not huggers. I don't even remember seeing them be affectionate with each other.

I changed that with my boys.

flan
Are they huggers now with their families?

Yes, and I'm proud of that!

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
I agree Blankie. When I was small,a man who worked for my grandfather always wanted a hug and I just refused. No idea why. My grandmother told me how embarrassed she was but my mom stuck up for me and said I didn't have to hug anyone I didn't want to. She really stuck up for me, and grandma let it go. I appreciated that I wasnt forced to hug that guy.

No clue why I refused. My cousin, a boy, always hugged him but I never did.

I read this as "when I was a small man...." and I was like, WHOA - I didn't know THAT.

You refused b/c children have an innate sense about people. I'm glad your mom stuck up for you.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. And, those who are huggers or kissers need to respect the boundaries and personal space of others as well. It has to be a two way street.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes. And, those who are huggers or kissers need to respect the boundaries and personal space of others as well. It has to be a two way street.

I'm not a big hugger. I will hug my kids, my husband and close friends - but the friends thing is not all the time. I don't need to hug you every time I see you.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Yes. And, those who are huggers or kissers need to respect the boundaries and personal space of others as well. It has to be a two way street.

Absolutely this!

But...if we ever meet, I AM hugging you! Get over it... evileye

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Kiss me hard on the lips!!!!! biggrin

Not!!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Kiss me hard on the lips!!!!!

Not!!

Next you'll be asking for tongue.

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She sells seashells by the seashore.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Honeys_Mom wrote:
I hate it when men at church who I don't know well want to hug me. It is probably entirely innocent but I still don't like it. Sometimes pastors have to address the issue with the congregation - everyone's comfort zone can be entirely different than that of those around you, I suppose.

The church I grew up in, the pastor didn't hug the women. His family he would but no one else.

If you went down for prayer he would sometimes put an arm around your shoulder but there was still some space between you.

The pastor at the church we attend now is a married in step family. Somewhere back in the family someone in his family married someone in my family. He will hug. But we don't think anything about it. It's usually a quick hug.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I don't even like it when people stand too close to me

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Vette, my Fords try to do 65 but they are usually having to slow down to get to it.

huskerbb · Guru

This isn't about whether every one you run across from hither and yon gives you a hug. It's not about whether or not you, yourself, consider yourself a "hugger".

Most of us, even if we aren't by nature "huggers"--have someone in our life from who we do have some close human contact. A spouse/SO, a parent, a child, a grandchild--whoever.

The article isn't saying you have to be hugged 10 times a day. It's self-reported. It's whether people think they are getting "enough" physical contact. Obviously, someone who isn't a "hugger" will need a lot less and are going to report that they are "satisfied" even if they only occasionally have such contact.

Don't underestimate the power of loneliness, though. With physical affection comes that emotional bond with another person, and for all but a few true socio-paths in society, that is an absolute necessity of the human condition.

Even many people who seem very "aloof"--can be pretty affectionate with their spouse or children when alone.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

lilyofcourse wrote:
Vette, my Fords try to do 65 but they are usually having to slow down to get to it.

Lily has jokes!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

VetteGirl wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
Vette, my Fords try to do 65 but they are usually having to slow down to get to it.
Lily has jokes!

what are you talking about?

First

On

Race

Day

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Fvcked on race day? Lol

huskerbb · Guru

Found
On
Reservation
Dump

Old
Lady
Drives
Slowly
Making
Others
Be
Incredibly
Late
Every time

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Cracked
Head
Every
Value
Rattles
Oil
Leaks
Every
Time

seriously though. The only vehicle I will have is a Ford. I have had others and they always turn out ot be more hassle than they are worth.

We have 2 Ford pick ups in the yard out here, one is a 74 and we use it weekly. the other is a 76 and it hasn't been driven since my dad's father parked here before he died. It still cranks. First time, every time.

We love our Fords.

It's all we have.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I used to buy Fords. Now we have Toyotas. My next will be a Toyota or Honda.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

Lol husker I like the Oldsmobile

huskerbb · Guru

We have a Ford diesel, A dodge diesel (which is a money pit), a Fiat 500, a Ford Edsel (parade driving mostly), and a Chevy Malibu that I want to get fixed up.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

You have an Edsel? I want to see a picture. And all I can think of when typing that is Kathleen Turner cracking up "You bought an Edsel?!!?" in Peggy Sue got married.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I used to buy Fords. Now we have Toyotas. My next will be a Toyota or Honda.

Toyotas are AWESOME.

flan

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I love my Toyota! It's my first and I have no regrets.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Southern_Belle wrote:
I love my Toyota! It's my first and I have no regrets.

I have a Corolla with 138K on it. It's been to Hilton Head, Connecticut and Minneapolis.

DH has a Sienna with even more miles.

flan

Blankie · Guru

How did we get onto cars?

I have a Corolla too. Coco the dependable.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Blankie wrote:
How did we get onto cars?
I have a Corolla too. Coco the dependable.

Beats me...

My car doesn't have a name.

flan

PotteryChick · Member

We have a land rover and a dodge ram. We will be shopping for another vehicle soon and will get another dodge.

Renegade Time Lord · Am I A Good Man?

In regards to the original post, welcome to my life. I am a hugger, but I am also acutely aware that many aren't, so I assess the situation before deciding whether to offer a hug or just shake hands. None of my friends are huggers. My affectionate side is one that many never even know exists, but I can be very affectionate and loving when in a relationship. It has been 18 years since my last relationship, but fortunately, I am quite a resilient and strong being, so I live my life the best way I can, and who knows? I am quite used to being alone, though. It's a curse for living as long as I have. wink

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Renegade Time Lord wrote:
In regards to the original post, welcome to my life. I am a hugger, but I am also acutely aware that many aren't, so I assess the situation before deciding whether to offer a hug or just shake hands. None of my friends are huggers. My affectionate side is one that many never even know exists, but I can be very affectionate and loving when in a relationship. It has been 18 years since my last relationship, but fortunately, I am quite a resilient and strong being, so I live my life the best way I can, and who knows? I am quite used to being alone, though. It's a curse for living as long as I have.

I love your sense of humor. And if we ever have the lottery funded Geek Meet, you can give me a hug!

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

Mellow Momma wrote:
Renegade Time Lord wrote:
In regards to the original post, welcome to my life. I am a hugger, but I am also acutely aware that many aren't, so I assess the situation before deciding whether to offer a hug or just shake hands. None of my friends are huggers. My affectionate side is one that many never even know exists, but I can be very affectionate and loving when in a relationship. It has been 18 years since my last relationship, but fortunately, I am quite a resilient and strong being, so I live my life the best way I can, and who knows? I am quite used to being alone, though. It's a curse for living as long as I have.

I love your sense of humor. And if we ever have the lottery funded Geek Meet, you can give me a hug!

Same here. I'm glad you are on the board, RTL. And you as well, Momma!

Blankie · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Blankie wrote:
How did we get onto cars?
I have a Corolla too. Coco the dependable.
Beats me...
My car doesn't have a name.
flan

Car talk is better than arguing. I'll take it!

How 'bout some kind of piggy name for your car?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Blankie wrote:
How did we get onto cars?
I have a Corolla too. Coco the dependable.
Beats me...
My car doesn't have a name.
flan

I don't understand naming your car. Or body parts for that matter, lol. biggrin

Renegade Time Lord · Am I A Good Man?

Honeys and Mellow Momma, thanks for the kind words.

My first car was named Alec. He finally stopped running last year after 25+ years with me. I hope to get another car when I can afford to make the payments. Alec was a great car, a 1987 Chevy Celebrity. I did not feel so alone when I had him. I miss having a car. While the metro bus system here is pretty good, the cost of a monthly bus pass is more than what I used to spend on gas for a month, and that was when gas was as high as $4.49 a gallon!

TOTALLY GEEKED!

What Lack of Affection Can Do to You