TOTALLY GEEKED!

Dear Prudence,
I have been married to a wonderful woman for 36 years. Two years ago, at age 58, I left a very secure well-paying job for a business opportunity that didn’t work out. Now at 60, I am rekindling my former career in sales. The problem is that after 30 years I know my tank is empty, and I will never make the type of money I once did. My wife is incredibly selfless, has never spent on herself, but adores our antique house and pictures us living there for the rest of our lives. After eight years of college tuitions, our daughter’s wedding, and some other large outflows, our bank account is tapped, and my earnings outlook dim. Downsizing would make total financial sense, but I know my wife will be crushed if we have to sell. We have some retirement money, but not enough if we start taking it now. I am racked with guilt for putting us in this situation. Besides our family, this house is her life.

—Sick with worry

Dear Sick,
Let’s say your wife had a stroke and she could no longer negotiate the stairs or keep up an old house. Let’s say you got Alzheimer’s and to get you the care you needed, it was necessary to sell your place. In either case, events would force you to move. Fortunately, you two can make a rational, considered decision about your finances without the pressure of life-altering illness. Your house is a thing—yes, a thing imbued with memory and meaning, but it shouldn’t hold hostage your ability to retire comfortably. You’re right that restarting a sales career at 60 is perilous. You should be counting down toward retirement; instead like so many people you are facing the prospect of outliving your money. So you two need to make hard-headed decisions about how to avoid disaster. Perhaps your home could help pay for itself and you could rent out your basement. If not, selling your home and moving someplace more affordable could give you a financial and psychological cushion. You say for your wife her family and her home are her life, so I get the impression she doesn’t work. In a way your letter is a kind of bookend to the first letter. Not that your wife is a bum, but your situation does illustrate that it’s in everyone’s interest to be able to contribute economically because you never know what might happen. If she’s fit enough maybe she could walk dogs, babysit, care for an elderly person, or get a retail job. If she were able to earn even $15,000 to $20,000 a year, it would help ease your final years. Although it will be tempting to take Social Security early, the longer you put off collecting it, the bigger the payout will be when you need it the most. And let your tale be a warning to people who tap into their savings to pay for their children’s storybook weddings. Unless you can blithely afford the catering bill, the story takes a dark turn when the champagne toasts result in Mom and Dad being tapped out. Stop trying to protect your wife from reality. If she is the wonderful partner you claim she is, she should know where you two stand, and she should share the burden you’re now carrying alone.

—Prudie