TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Prudie: Husband Doens't Want to Hide Alcohol

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's 2 weeks? Geez. Are people really that selfish nowadays that they can't inconvenience themselves for anyone?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I think the amount of time she has been a recoving alcoholic matters. I mean, has it been 10 years? If so, she should be able to handle it. Less than 2 years? Yeah - be sensitive and keep the booze away.

JPT · Senior Member

I faced this with my father, and he said basically his sobriety wasn't dependent on others keeping the liquor out of his way. So yes, my siblings and I still could enjoy a beer or glass of wine in his presence without any issues. After all, he could have easily driven three blocks to a liquor store if he wanted to drink.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I am married to a recovering alcoholic. Ten years sober. I have a tiny bit of booze in the house. Mostly left over from last years gift baskets to my neighbors and a little for cooking. But out of respect for him I don't keep that much booze here. He's not tempted but I still don't keep it around.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
I think the amount of time she has been a recoving alcoholic matters. I mean, has it been 10 years? If so, she should be able to handle it. Less than 2 years? Yeah - be sensitive and keep the booze away.

I just think it is a question about being sensitive to another person that's all. And, yeah you don't HAVE to hide the booze because DAMMIT it's YOUR house. But, can we really not endure the tiniest of inconveniences anymore? I don't get what the big deal is about doing this for a week or two. Gawd.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Why can't her son do without alcohol for two weeks? Is there an issue there?

When my MIL came from Spain for our wedding and stayed with us she started going through withdrawals. She drinks every single day. Not a day goes by that she doesn't. Since we don't keep alcohol in the house she was having a fit. We have some plastic wine glasses that we drink sparkling cider out of on the holidays. She started drinking all her drinks out of them.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I don't know. Everyone is a selfish twit nowadays.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Creating a false reality does not help anyone or anything.

It's like taking all the Little Debbies out of the house because MIL in a diabetic.

It's still up to MIL to control herself.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes it is. But, if I knew it was detrimental then I think I can make a small sacrifice for someone I love. If you can't, then don't.

FNW · Guru

Two weeks is a long time for house guests.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It is but so what? You can be "right" or you can be kind and thoughtful.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I think both can be.

It doesn't have to be all or none for either of them.

FNW · Guru

No matter what they do, the wife will always get the blame anyway.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

FNW wrote:
Two weeks is a long time for house guests.

Amen to that! Shoot me now! And I love my inlaws.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

There's a difference between having a box of Little Debbie's in the cabinet and having a dessert buffet. This lady says she boxed up all the alcohol in the bar. So apparently there's a decent supply. I don't see anything wrong with having a glass of wine while she's there but you also don't have to parade the whole liquor store in front of her. It goes both ways. It's called compromise.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It does. My son has celiacs. And no the whole house did not go gluten free. We did for a while. And my son had to learn that His issue was His issue and not someone elses issue. So he had to plan if he went out with friends.

ed11563 · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
Two weeks is a long time for house guests.
Amen to that! Shoot me now! And I love my inlaws.

My mother always said, "Fish and visitors stink after three days."

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yup my mom said that too.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Her DH might need a few drinks at night if his mom is staying two weeks. I have lots of liquor in my house. I hardly ever drink so if I boxed it up it would probably be months before I took it back out.

Fort Worth Mom · Mod/Penguin lover/Princess!

ed11563 wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
FNW wrote:
Two weeks is a long time for house guests.
Amen to that! Shoot me now! And I love my inlaws.
My mother always said, "Fish and visitors stink after three days."

When my Mother-in-law was alive, we would have her come down to Texas for two weeks at a time. Twice a year. Sometimes, we talked her into staying for three weeks. smile

I guess I'm the odd ball. I loved her company. She was very easy to get along with. And very good with the kids.

If I could have talked her into moving in with us, I would have loved it!

She died in 1999. I miss her. We had a great time together.

Good memories. smile

huskerbb · Guru

I don't get why they have to hide the booze. They aren't teenagers.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
I don't get why they have to hide the booze. They aren't teenagers.

This is exactly it. It's one thing to change up your lifestyle for a a few days when someone is first kicking the addiction, but after 10 years its ridiculous. Coming home and having a drink or glass of wine should not be a problem for the host. Grandma must take responsibility for her own decisions.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I don't get why they have to hide the booze. They aren't teenagers.
This is exactly it. It's one thing to change up your lifestyle for a a few days when someone is first kicking the addiction, but after 10 years its ridiculous. Coming home and having a drink or glass of wine should not be a problem for the host. Grandma must take responsibility for her own decisions.

It doesn't say how far along she is in her sobriety.

huskerbb · Guru

People are hung up on that. I don't see what difference it makes.

Is Wal-Mart going to hide the wine if they want to shop there?

Are bars going to cover their signs if they have to walk by one on the street?

Are they really going to limit their own dining choices to establishments that never serve alcohol? That leaves fast food joints and Denny's.

Part of being "sober" is being able to deal with situations where alcohol will be present. It's not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to baby-sit you.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Nobody is saying that. You really are going off the deep end today. She just wants to be considerate if her MIL. Wow.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Nobody is saying that. You really are going off the deep end today. She just wants to be considerate if her MIL. Wow.

It's not being "considerate". That's a ridiculous way to characterize that.

ed11563 · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
People are hung up on that. I don't see what difference it makes.

Is Wal-Mart going to hide the wine if they want to shop there?

Are bars going to cover their signs if they have to walk by one on the street?

Are they really going to limit their own dining choices to establishments that never serve alcohol? That leaves fast food joints and Denny's.

Part of being "sober" is being able to deal with situations where alcohol will be present. It's not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to baby-sit you.

There's a difference between walking by a bar or walking by things in a store, vs. having access to booze 24/7 for two weeks, including times when everyone else is asleep.

huskerbb · Guru

ed11563 wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
People are hung up on that. I don't see what difference it makes.

Is Wal-Mart going to hide the wine if they want to shop there?

Are bars going to cover their signs if they have to walk by one on the street?

Are they really going to limit their own dining choices to establishments that never serve alcohol? That leaves fast food joints and Denny's.

Part of being "sober" is being able to deal with situations where alcohol will be present. It's not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to baby-sit you.
There's a difference between walking by a bar or walking by things in a store, vs. having access to booze 24/7 for two weeks, including times when everyone else is asleep.

No, there isn't. Either way it's making someone else responsible for YOUR actions--which is BS.

Plus, it doesn't even say the MIL asked for this in any way.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's a simple act of consideration. If u want to blow it up to a big something then knock yourself unconscious.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
It's a simple act of consideration. If u want to blow it up to a big something then knock yourself unconscious.

It has nothing to do with "consideration". That's just silly.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I think prudie had a good answer even though it wasn't really an answer at all, on one hand yeah it's nice to be sensitive but on the other if she's recovered well it shouldn't matter. I think in this case it really depends on the MIL.

karl271 · Guru

Who is being the selfish twit here? The woman and her husband who want to live their lives in their own home as they see fit?
The MIL who needs people to change their life style when she comes to visit?

If she is going to stay two weeks, hm.....

My brother was a recovering alcoholic (which he often told everyone) for years, but no one stopped having a drink in front of him or stopped serving liquor when he was in their home (although they served him something else). It was his problem and he handled it.

huskerbb · Guru

karl271 wrote:
Who is being the selfish twit here? The woman and her husband who want to live their lives in their own home as they see fit?
The MIL who needs people to change their life style when she comes to visit?

If she is going to stay two weeks, hm.....

My brother was a recovering alcoholic (which he often told everyone) for years, but no one stopped having a drink in front of him or stopped serving liquor when he was in their home (although they served him something else). It was his problem and he handled it.

The letter doesn't even say the MIL is even asking for this. The LW is making an assumption that may not even be true--probably isn't.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Exactly. Which lends more to the OP just trying to act in a considerate way. They aren't d7mping the alcohol just putting it in their closet. I really don't see how that is some bug damn deal that some of you can't put your booze away for 2 weeks.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Exactly. Which lends more to the OP just trying to act in a considerate way. They aren't d7mping the alcohol just putting it in their closet. I really don't see how that is some bug damn deal that some of you can't put your booze away for 2 weeks.

If it's not a big deal--then leave it where it is. The "big deal" is having to move it. That would be a pain in the ass--and wholly unnecessary.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Moving booze to the closet is a pain in the ass? Oh, ok.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Moving booze to the closet is a pain in the ass? Oh, ok.

Of course it is. MUCH more so than just leaving it where it belongs--in the liquor cabinet.

There is NO REASON on God's green earth to move it. It's absolutely unnecessary.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You seem to have a real problem with alcohol yourself.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
You seem to have a real problem with alcohol yourself.

???? That's a ridiculous statement based on nothing.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Husker, the booze is STILL available even in the short walk to the closet.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Husker, the booze is STILL available even in the short walk to the closet.

Good point--so putting it there would be POINTLESS.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Out of sight out of mind. And, if isn't a big deal and it makes his WIFE feel better, why is that somehow too much to ask?

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Out of sight out of mind. And, if isn't a big deal and it makes his WIFE feel better, why is that somehow too much to ask?

It's foolish that such a thing would make her feel better.

There isn't much I wouldn't do for my wife--but putting up with foolishness isn't one of them. Luckily, my wife isn't foolish.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

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huskerbb · Guru

You have yet to put forth any reason why this is a reasonable thing to do.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Just drink it all before she gets there. Problem solved and everyone should be really happy. Or passed out.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Good solution!

huskerbb · Guru

I wonder if MIL was a fatass if the LW would want to take the soda and ice cream and hide those? It makes about as much sense.

Honeys_Mom · Mod & Permanent Board Sweetheart

huskerbb wrote:
I wonder if MIL was a fatass if the LW would want to take the soda and ice cream and hide those? It makes about as much sense.

Husker, that was delicately-put as always LOL biggrin

It was said in the answer portion of the OP that perhaps the husband woud NEED a drink sometime during the two weeks - that's possibly true. For me, no matter how fond I am of someone, two weeks would be way too long of a visit.

As I read through this I tried to put myself in that situation, i.e. the ex's mother coming for a two week visit and her being a recovering alcoholic. BTW I loved her very much - she was a wonderful woman who deserved a better son in my opinion. I think I would hide the booze out in one of the sheds and the then-dh would have likely agreed (mostly because he was out there most of the day anyway smile )