Dear Prudence, About a year ago my husband and I went to our best friend’s wedding. Six months later, we took him in when he realized the marriage wouldn’t work and he needed a place to stay. He’s a great roommate, we love having our best friend around, and he’s good about making himself scarce when we need time alone. Because we spend a great deal of time together, he often joins us in our activities. My husband and I are very much homebodies, we love Netflix, and we prefer quiet places and family events over noisy bars and clubs. This means that he’s not really getting out there. We have gone with him when he wants a night out on the town, but the trouble is he generally won’t go without us and we are getting tired of going. How can we remain supportive friends and get out of the late night pub crawls?
—Crawling Away
Dear Crawling, Princess Diana famously said her marriage was doomed because, “Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.” Maybe your friend’s marriage collapsed after a mere six months because his wife felt even more crowded being in a foursome. You know that it’s most unusual for a couple to share a BFF. It’s even more unusual for a couple to become a trio without there being a whiff of polyamory in the air. You bailed out your friend out when he bailed on his marriage, but from your description, he shows no signs of being ready to move on. His search for new romantic prospects is doomed to failure if he is always introducing a young woman he just met to the couple he lives with. The issue isn’t that he needs training wheels to go to a bar by himself, it’s that it’s time he found his own place. This dude who came to dinner will become a permanent fixture in your lives unless you give him a deadline for getting out. If you don’t, expect to make room for him on the couch when you all settle in for Season 3 of Orange Is the New Black.
I think Prudie's assumption that they had something to do with his marriage ending is a bit off the wall. And they are not complaining about him being there - so she seems to be creating problems about this friendship that are not there.
As for him "not getting out there" and them thinking that is their responsibility to take him- that needs to be nipped. Just do your thing - perhaps he's not ready to put himself out there again, yet and has no interest in meeting someone.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Prudie's advice is way off on this one IMO. I would suggest he join one of those adult activities sites like "Events & Adventures". Not the dating sites but the ones where they go hiking as a group or wine tasting or whatever he is into. That way he gets out but isn't alone.
I don't see the issue unless they want him out of their house. In which case they should tell him, and he can find his own place. I don't see what that has to do with finding a girlfriend, which should not be any of their concern or business.
If the issue is getting out of the bars and late nights, a 'No thanks!' should do it. If he still wants to go will.
Now watch carefully so I can show you the proper way to wipe your arse! lol 