TOTALLY GEEKED!

NAOW · Vette's SS

RE: Dear Abby: Daughter Cries for Mommy

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I learned how to manipulate my parents.

Dad and mom would do this "go ask" the other. And I learned that as long as mom said something was ok, dad was on board.

I learned to skip the 20 minutes of back and forth and I would go to dad and say, "Mom said I could so can I?" Or "If mom says it is ok with her, is it ok with you?"

I could get an answer in about 3 sentences instead of 20 minutes of back and forth.

I have seen my DN or DN just hold their phone to their ear and say "dad, mom said I could" and he would agree. And they wouldn't even have their mom on the phone.

Kids can be very manipulative.

I am not saying that is what is going on but if there is a pattern to it, like after she is told no or something like that, then I would have to wonder about it.

Of course that information isn't available and really we can talk about it till we are blue in the face and it wont matter.

huskerbb · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. I was VERY close to my mom. I just wanted to be with her all the time. I didn't even like sleeping over night at a friend's house because I would miss her. I think that is probably what is going on.

Weird.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

OK? You have to insult? Wow.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So, let me see if I get this? The adults are helpless victims of a manipulative 9 yr old?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

My step-children learned at an early age how to play one parent against the other. "Daddy always lets us . . ." against "You haven't done your homework yet . . . "

However, the OP has been consistently involved in his daughter's life - games, practices, etc. I'm suspicious of what the Mother might have been saying to the girl before she goes to her Dad. He is involved enough to move to another area. I'm also suspicious of the term "affluent" describing the girl's new extended family - it might be that they are using their money to "buy" affection that Dad cannot provide.

-- Edited by Momala on Tuesday 2nd of December 2014 10:32:45 PM

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. I was VERY close to my mom. I just wanted to be with her all the time. I didn't even like sleeping over night at a friend's house because I would miss her. I think that is probably what is going on.
Weird.

Rude.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. I was VERY close to my mom. I just wanted to be with her all the time. I didn't even like sleeping over night at a friend's house because I would miss her. I think that is probably what is going on.
Weird.
Rude.

husker has no respect for anything he doesn't understand...

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I love the notion that the adults are helpless victims to the " manipulative" 9 yr old. We now expect children to act like adultsbut its ok to eexcuse adults for acting like children. If your child is " manipulating" you that is on you , not the "fault" of yhe child. But yes kids can use tears to try and get their way. However that doesn't sound to me like what this girl is doing. Sounds like good old fashioned seperation anxiety. Some kids are more resilient than others. So he needs to work WITH his child. So whisking her off to Disney when he already knew she had difficulty leaving mom probably wasnt a good plan as she wasnt ready for it.
So he just needs to be dad. Be present. Show up. Be loving and eventually this will sort through.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

flan327 wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
I don't know. I was VERY close to my mom. I just wanted to be with her all the time. I didn't even like sleeping over night at a friend's house because I would miss her. I think that. is probably what is going on.
Weird.
Rude.
husker has no respect for anything he doesn't understand...
flan

Just another example of why some posters no longer want to share their feelings or personal info. i had a very warm mother daughter relationship with my mom. She was my best friend. I am blessed and fortunate as i know others sadly never got to experience that. So yeah thatis " weird".

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

The kid is 9. This has been going on since she was 3. At 3 I understand it. At 9 it shouldn't be happening every single time.

Being close to your mom and not being able to be away from her for 48 hours is two totally different things.

Either something is terribly wrong with this child, her situation or both, or she is trying to manipulate her parents.

It could be any, all or none of these things.

But at 9, this daughter should be able to spend 2 nights away from her mom with out the water works.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, Dad should be more mature than this statement:

"I ask myself if I am only hurting her or if I should continue to see her."

He isn't "hurting her" by seeing her. And, yes of course he should 'continue to see her', as if that is somehow an option NOT too?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Have you ever seen a child torn between two parents? Parents want what is best for their child. If I see my child is torn up over something I have done, then I would stop it.

No one wants to see their child hurting even if that means taking yourself out of the equation.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

You take yourself out of your child's life is you are addict or something like that. In this case, no.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It's a dad questioning if he is doing more damage than good in his daughter's life. Nothing wrong with that.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I didn't say there was. I said him thinking he has an "option" to not be part of her life is the problem. Parenting isn't Optional.