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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Why Am I Not a Mess?
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Why Am I Not a Mess?
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DEAR ABBY: Since the moment my oldest son, "Ryan," enlisted in the U.S. Army, our family has been concerned he would be deployed. Although Ryan graduated from high school near the top of his class and had prepared for university, his plans were thwarted when deployment orders came to face off with ISIS in a combat engineer role. He leaves soon for the Middle East.

Abby, I need your insight in understanding why I am not falling apart. My other children are, my relatives are, and people I speak to are stunned that I'm holding it together. I try to explain that I support my son and must be strong for my family, but am I in denial? Everyone else is falling apart while I, who adore him and can't envision a life without him, seem to be holding steady.

What's going on with me? Am I a flawed mother? I feel like I'm disappointing others who would prefer to see a soldier's mother grieve and agonize over her son's departure, anticipating the worst. Your thoughts are most welcome. -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: You are not "flawed." Not everyone handles emotionally charged situations in the same way. While you may be numb with shock, you may also be calm, stoic and not show your feelings openly. It's also possible that you may be "postponing" any negative emotions until if and when it's necessary to experience them. My reaction is that no one should judge you -- least of all yourself right now.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/12/2/stoic-mother-holds-steady-for-son

 



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Ilumine


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Most Military Families do not "fall apart" when their loved ones deploy. I mean, what are they expecting this woman to do? Fall down wailing? Stop Eating? Scream and yell at his command?



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, why does she feel that she is somehow supposed to express herself the way they want her too? People may be asking "are you OK, how are you holding up", etc as concern and caring. Doesn't mean they expect her to do anything in particular.

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Lawyerlady


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He joined the military - he's being deployed. His mother sounds pragmatic and realistic.

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lilyofcourse


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Reality often doesn't mesh with "what ifs".

She is being a stable in an unstable situation. Good for her.



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Well, in olden days, being emotional in public was a sign of weakness. That you were a weak person or whatever. People were not expected to publically display their emotions. Now if you don't display your emotions, then you are an uncaring twit. Sooo, either way, you lose.

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