TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tinydancer · Guru

RE: Boy, 12, kills himself after 'he was bullied for being the only male cheerleader

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

The most effective program against bullying was created by a teenage girl. She saw that the traditional programs were not changing the culture in her school, nor was it changing any school she researched. She created a program that taught resilience, self esteem, and positive thinking to ALL students. It helped the "targets" shrug off anything they encountered, and it helped the "bullies" feel better about themselves and stop talking smack about other kids.

This is the solution in my opinion. Teach kids to not give a flying fart about what other kids think. Teach everyone they have worth.

I will try and find a link to her story. DH learned about her in his inservice meetings this year.

huskerbb · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
The most effective program against bullying was created by a teenage girl. She saw that the traditional programs were not changing the culture in her school, nor was it changing any school she researched. She created a program that taught resilience, self esteem, and positive thinking to ALL students. It helped the "targets" shrug off anything they encountered, and it helped the "bullies" feel better about themselves and stop talking smack about other kids.

This is the solution in my opinion. Teach kids to not give a flying fart about what other kids think. Teach everyone they have worth.

I will try and find a link to her story. DH learned about her in his inservice meetings this year.

Absolutely. At the end of the day, this is going to be by far the most effective thing that can be done.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

The problem is that a LOT of bullying is not punishable. You can't MAKE kids like one another, or be their friend, or sit with them at lunch. Being ostracized is a common form of bullying that no one can do anything about.

People live in some lala land where they think punishing the bullies will work - and most times, that just makes it worse. That is REALITY. And hell, half the parents of the bullies don't care b/c they were bullies themselves, and agree with their kid about kids that are different.

And yeah, I'm sure mommy stepping in to help makes things ALL better.

Teach your kid not to be a target, or not to care. Don't rely on the behavior of other kids.

Tinydancer · Guru

I don't consider those things bullying. That's just life, not everyone is going to like you. I have seen way to many cases where the bully isn't punished at all and if you believe punishment is useless (general you) then this is why they get away with it.

You better believe if my child is being bullied I'm going to step in. Mommy not stepping in helps how actually? Lala land is where the bullies get punished and are allowed to escalate without more consequences. Yes we should teach our children to be confident as all well but they're KIDS and they don't process things like an adult. You all just keep putting it back on the ones being bullied and I'll continue to blame the bully.

Teaching your kid not to be a target only works if it's something they can control. What about the kid with a birth defect or a lisp? Teaching them not to care doesn't work or I'm sure we'd have a lot few suicides by teenagers. Talk about lala land.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

In bygone days , you could get someone to beat up the bully. That was also very effective. Tiny I do agree with what you are saying. Yes we need to stop rolling over for the bullies and the bullies need to own thier choices and behavior. We need to stop fluffing them off and call them out. Absolutely. And I am tired of group punishment. If a kid does something wrong punish that child not the whole class. That is yet another way the bullies win.
People need to not ignore it. And the lesson of " if u don't have something nice to say then say nothing" has been lost in our litigious , I am entitled , the world revolves around me world.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Tinydancer wrote:
I don't consider those things bullying. That's just life, not everyone is going to like you. I have seen way to many cases where the bully isn't punished at all and if you believe punishment is useless (general you) then this is why they get away with it.

You better believe if my child is being bullied I'm going to step in. Mommy not stepping in helps how actually? Lala land is where the bullies get punished and are allowed to escalate without more consequences. Yes we should teach our children to be confident as all well but they're KIDS and they don't process things like an adult. You all just keep putting it back on the ones being bullied and I'll continue to blame the bully.

Teaching your kid not to be a target only works if it's something they can control. What about the kid with a birth defect or a lisp? Teaching them not to care doesn't work or I'm sure we'd have a lot few suicides by teenagers. Talk about lala land.

No one is blaming the kid for being bullied. But you are not going to stop all the bullies. The shielded whispers, the laughs directed at the kid that they can tell the teacher they were laughing at each other's jokes. A LOT of bullying is not punishable. You are thinking only of the extremes, and not the day to day "make life miserable" crap.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

That's true too. And there are many subtle ways to bully that are not punishable. There is no action necessarily that you can write someone up for. Thats what makes this so difficult.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Verbal Bullying
In this bullying article we take a look at verbal bullying. What is verbal bullying? What are the effects of verbal bullying? Read this article to learn more about how to recognize verbal bullying and ways to deal with someone that is a verbal bully.

When most people think of bullying, they think of physical bullying. However, bullying goes beyond the physical and can encompass the verbal. It may seem strange, but verbal bullying can be just as harmful - in different ways - as physical bullying. With verbal bullying, the goal is still to degrade and demean the victim, while making the aggressor look dominant and powerful. All bullying focuses on creating a situation in which the victim is dominated by the aggressor. And this can happen verbally as well as physically.

In many cases, verbal bullying is the province of girls. Girls are more subtle (and can be more devastating), in general, than boys. Girls use verbal bullying, as well as social exclusion techniques, to dominate others and show their superiority and power. However, there are also many boys with subtlety enough to use verbal techniques for domination, and who are practiced in using words when they want to avoid the trouble that can come with physically bullying someone else.

Effects of verbal bullying

Many victims of verbal bullying are affected in very real ways. Verbal bullying can affect one's self image, and affect someone in emotional and psychological ways. This type of bullying can lead to low self-esteem, as well as depression and other problems. It can aggravate problems that a victim may already be experiencing at home or in other places. In some cases, verbal bullying can reach a point where the victim is so depressed, and wants to escape so badly, that he or she may turn to substance abuse or - in some extreme cases - suicide. In the end, words have a power all their own, and the realities of verbal bullying can have very physical consequences, even if the aggressor never lays a finger on the victim.

Dealing with verbal bullies

Verbal bullying can be hard for teachers and other authority figures to detect, since no physical harm takes place. You should be aware of what is going on in your child's life, and be a place that he or she can turn if verbal bullying is taking place. Some signs that your child might be experiencing verbal bullying include reluctance to go to school, complaints that no one likes him or her, prolonged depression, a drop in school performance or drastic changes in eating and sleeping patterns.

It is difficult to deal with verbal bullies, but there are some things that your child can try in order to avoid bullies. It takes a lot of effort, though. Here are some things that may help your child deal with a verbal bully:

Ignore the bully: This is difficult, but if you can shrug off insults and provide no reaction, there is a chance that eventually the bully will move on to someone who provides a more interesting and responsive target.
Tell an authority figure: A trusted teacher can make things a little easier, by being on the lookout for bullying behavior. Unfortunately, it is hard to catch verbal bullies, and even harder to punish them, since it is difficult to prove that they have been involved in such behavior. But telling someone at school can be a relief.
Remain civil: Do not resort to rudeness yourself. Many bullies lose interest if you do not sink to their level. Also, if you act rudely and aggressively yourself, you may invite a physical confrontation, which could add physical hurts to the emotional.
Try to focus on your friends: If your child has loyal friends, encourage him or her to focus on those friends so that they have some positive influences. Additionally, a victim that is surrounded by friends can dissuade a verbal bully from engaging.
Look for other sources of enjoyment: After school activities and other interests and hobbies can help you take your mind off of the verbal bullying.

In the end, it is quite difficult to stop verbal bullying. However, you can set a good example for your children by speaking kindly of others, and not resorting to rudeness yourself. This is quite important, since many verbal bullies first learn to dominate others with words by listening to their parents, and how they interact with others.

www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/verbal-bullying.html

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

No one can control the actions of others. If you are relying on the bullies to STOP, that is unrealistic. Even if confronted by authority figures, they will just get more subtle and creative.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The vast majority of bullying is verbal. It is easy to punish and remove a physical bully. That is a line that is very easily demarcated. But, the verbal and even nonverbal uses of a look, a glance of disgust, etc are very hard to police. Is it bullying if your child invites a friend to a party but not another child? At what age is it OK to be allowed to have friends and have other people not be your friends or merely acquaintances? That can merely be just part of life where perhaps you aren't invited to the party. OR, a kid who wants to be mean can invite kids in a very obvious way meant to say "Look at me" to the person they aren't inviting too. But, how do you police that?

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
No one can control the actions of others. If you are relying on the bullies to STOP, that is unrealistic. Even if confronted by authority figures, they will just get more subtle and creative.

THat is one of the MAIN things I tell my kids LL. That the ONLY person you control is YOU. And, that you can't control other people, only how you choose to respond, react and live your life.

Tinydancer · Guru

I don't agree. There are cameras all over the schools now. Also if the punishment is that you're expelled from the school for a 2nd offense then there won't be a third offense. You can't just ignore what the bullies are doing. You may not stop ALL the bullies but you will stop SOME.

Tinydancer · Guru

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
No one can control the actions of others. If you are relying on the bullies to STOP, that is unrealistic. Even if confronted by authority figures, they will just get more subtle and creative.
THat is one of the MAIN things I tell my kids LL. That the ONLY person you control is YOU. And, that you can't control other people, only how you choose to respond, react and live your life.

Yes we should all be teaching our kids this but it can't be the only thing. Make bullies accountableas well.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

And, I have said that over and over. That is a 2 pronged approach. Punish the bullies on this prong and hold them accountable to the extent that you can hold them accountable AND teach your child how to navigate through a world of Aholes.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The vast majority of bullying is verbal. It is easy to punish and remove a physical bully. That is a line that is very easily demarcated. But, the verbal and even nonverbal uses of a look, a glance of disgust, etc are very hard to police. Is it bullying if your child invites a friend to a party but not another child? At what age is it OK to be allowed to have friends and have other people not be your friends or merely acquaintances? That can merely be just part of life where perhaps you aren't invited to the party. OR, a kid who wants to be mean can invite kids in a very obvious way meant to say "Look at me" to the person they aren't inviting too. But, how do you police that?

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

Rumor has it some of them hang out on message boards...

evileye

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Tinydancer wrote:
I don't agree. There are cameras all over the schools now. Also if the punishment is that you're expelled from the school for a 2nd offense then there won't be a third offense. You can't just ignore what the bullies are doing. You may not stop ALL the bullies but you will stop SOME.

You are going to expel kids for eye rolls and laughter? Good luck with that.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The vast majority of bullying is verbal. It is easy to punish and remove a physical bully. That is a line that is very easily demarcated. But, the verbal and even nonverbal uses of a look, a glance of disgust, etc are very hard to police. Is it bullying if your child invites a friend to a party but not another child? At what age is it OK to be allowed to have friends and have other people not be your friends or merely acquaintances? That can merely be just part of life where perhaps you aren't invited to the party. OR, a kid who wants to be mean can invite kids in a very obvious way meant to say "Look at me" to the person they aren't inviting too. But, how do you police that?

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.
Rumor has it some of them hang out on message boards...
flan

No. No, they don't. A message board is a place you choose to go to, your presence is not required. No one on a message board has power over you or your life. You are an adult and capable of making your own choices.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Then, you are also going to punishing a LOT of kids for doing NOTHING wrong. Have you ever just walked by someone because you were preoccupied or didn't see them or whatever? And, later they were like, Oh I said Hi to you and you didn't say Hi to me. And you didn't see them? But, that action then is interpreted on their end as some type of "dis". I have learned in life that we have to stop assuming the worst possible motive of everyone. 99.999% of the time, that eye roll or not talking to you or whatever has absolutely nothing to do with you and in reality, that person is in their own world thinking about whatever they are thinking about.

When my son was in 6th grade, some girl complained about him to the teacher. That he wasn't "nice" to her and honestly had no freaking idea what it was about and neither could the teacher give me anything specific. And, I really believe he was totally oblivious to her. I just told do NOT talk to her, look at her or interact with her in ANY way and stay as far away from her as possible. In my opinion, she was one of the drama queens who if, the world isn't spinning according to her, take issue. And, DD has a few girlfriends like that to the point where I told her she was no longer allowed to invite this particular drama queen over nor hang around her because she would get DD and her friends into an absolute dizzy. Some of these "bullied" kids create a scenario that fits their particular world view but that isn't really what is objectively happening.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I wasn't talking about TG, LL.

flan

Tinydancer · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Tinydancer wrote:
I don't agree. There are cameras all over the schools now. Also if the punishment is that you're expelled from the school for a 2nd offense then there won't be a third offense. You can't just ignore what the bullies are doing. You may not stop ALL the bullies but you will stop SOME.
You are going to expel kids for eye rolls and laughter? Good luck with that.

I wasn't talking about eyerolls and laughter. I already agreed with you that not liking someone is part of life. I'm talking about the taunting. So your solution is to do nothing because the bullies won't listen anyway? Yeah, don't take control of the situation because a few of the bullies might not listen.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The vast majority of bullying is verbal. It is easy to punish and remove a physical bully. That is a line that is very easily demarcated. But, the verbal and even nonverbal uses of a look, a glance of disgust, etc are very hard to police. Is it bullying if your child invites a friend to a party but not another child? At what age is it OK to be allowed to have friends and have other people not be your friends or merely acquaintances? That can merely be just part of life where perhaps you aren't invited to the party. OR, a kid who wants to be mean can invite kids in a very obvious way meant to say "Look at me" to the person they aren't inviting too. But, how do you police that?

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.
Rumor has it some of them hang out on message boards...
flan
No. No, they don't. A message board is a place you choose to go to, your presence is not required. No one on a message board has power over you or your life. You are an adult and capable of making your own choices.

The fact that some people can get in such a tizzy over a message board blows my mind. And, then getting bent about what someone says on ANOTHER board is even more bizarre. It's an anonymous board of people typing BS. Keep it in context with your Life.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The vast majority of bullying is verbal. It is easy to punish and remove a physical bully. That is a line that is very easily demarcated. But, the verbal and even nonverbal uses of a look, a glance of disgust, etc are very hard to police. Is it bullying if your child invites a friend to a party but not another child? At what age is it OK to be allowed to have friends and have other people not be your friends or merely acquaintances? That can merely be just part of life where perhaps you aren't invited to the party. OR, a kid who wants to be mean can invite kids in a very obvious way meant to say "Look at me" to the person they aren't inviting too. But, how do you police that?

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.
Rumor has it some of them hang out on message boards...
flan
No. No, they don't. A message board is a place you choose to go to, your presence is not required. No one on a message board has power over you or your life. You are an adult and capable of making your own choices.
The fact that some people can get in such a tizzy over a message board blows my mind. And, then getting bent about what someone says on ANOTHER board is even more bizarre. It's an anonymous board of people typing BS. Keep it in context with your Life.

So we'll agree to disagree.

Still love me???????

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Unconditionally!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Unconditionally!

Right back atcha!!!!

flan

Ohfour · Hooker

As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

That's not true. I was THE quintessential mean girl. I'm not like that any more...

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Ohfour wrote:
As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

That's not true. I was THE quintessential mean girl. I'm not like that any more...

Look at you, using big girl words...

evileye

flan

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ohfour wrote:
As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

That's not true. I was THE quintessential mean girl. I'm not like that any more...

I was too. I got over it when I became a mom - I was young and I faced a LOT of bullying, in public, by strangers. That made me change my tune. I had strangers walk up to me and yell at me for being irresponsible. of course I am sure I looked like I was 14, but that is no excuse. But I dealt with it, I shrugged it off. I learned from it.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Monday 8th of December 2014 12:14:29 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

I was not a mean girl. For the most part, I stayed off their radar, except for 8th and 9th grade. In 8th grade I was still flat as a board and got teased b/c I didn't need a bra. Then, I blossomed late and quickly and large in the chest area in 9th grade and there was a while where the entire focus of the girls in my grade (and some in 10th grade) of our small school was how I was stuffing my bra. It didn't stop until 10th grade gym class where it became OBVIOUS I was not.

I still hate having big breasts, but I've gotten over the mean girl thing and actually like most of them now. They do grow up.

I just don't see how you can think of expelling kids for being that kind of mean.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
As for the Mean Girls, the mean girls never go away. They just grow up and then you wind up working beside them.

That's not true. I was THE quintessential mean girl. I'm not like that any more...
I was too. I got over it when I became a mom - I was young and I faced a LOT of bullying, in public, by strangers. That made me change my tune. I had strangers walk up to me and yell at me for being irresponsible. of course I am sure I looked like I was 14, but that is no excuse. But I dealt with it, I shrugged it off. I learned from it.

-- Edited by Mellow Momma on Monday 8th of December 2014 12:14:29 PM

Strangers need to mind their own business! Wow.

Lindley · Guru

I was bullied in Jr.High, it got worse when my mother called the school and talked to the parents. I know her heart was in the right place and wanted to help me but it made things worse for me at school. I do think it helped to have a safe place to come home to. I was so shy and small for my age.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

DD was bullied in high school. Some girls would call her cell and leave really awful, ignorant messages. They blocked their number, but we knew who they were. The odd thing about it, DD was popular. She wasn't the typical target. She was smart, in a lot of clubs ano activities, and was even on the Homecoming court. These girls had many friends, but were just outside the main group. It really hurt DD. She used to be close with a lot of the very girls who started harassing her. She just ignored them. They would quit for awhile and then start back up again. She ignored them through out.

They all still live in the same small town they grew up in, and haven't done much with their lives. DD lives in NYC, has her dream job, travels the world, and is living a happy life. I think DD won.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Mellow Momma wrote:
DD was bullied in high school. Some girls would call her cell and leave really awful, ignorant messages. They blocked their number, but we knew who they were. The odd thing about it, DD was popular. She wasn't the typical target. She was smart, in a lot of clubs ano activities, and was even on the Homecoming court. These girls had many friends, but were just outside the main group. It really hurt DD. She used to be close with a lot of the very girls who started harassing her. She just ignored them. They would quit for awhile and then start back up again. She ignored them through out.

They all still live in the same small town they grew up in, and haven't done much with their lives. DD lives in NYC, has her dream job, travels the world, and is living a happy life. I think DD won.

Living well is the best revenge!

Lindley · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Mellow Momma wrote:
DD was bullied in high school. Some girls would call her cell and leave really awful, ignorant messages. They blocked their number, but we knew who they were. The odd thing about it, DD was popular. She wasn't the typical target. She was smart, in a lot of clubs ano activities, and was even on the Homecoming court. These girls had many friends, but were just outside the main group. It really hurt DD. She used to be close with a lot of the very girls who started harassing her. She just ignored them. They would quit for awhile and then start back up again. She ignored them through out.

They all still live in the same small town they grew up in, and haven't done much with their lives. DD lives in NYC, has her dream job, travels the world, and is living a happy life. I think DD won.
Living well is the best revenge!

Yes it is. I found my childhood bully's mug shot on line. Funny tho, I found that real sad. Good for your daughter for not letting them hold her back... They were jealous of her.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

The bullying is more intense. I mean, kids were called Fatty Four Eyes or something like that. Now, people are telling people to Die and go kill yourself and crap like that.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The bullying is more intense. I mean, kids were called Fatty Four Eyes or something like that. Now, people are telling people to Die and go kill yourself and crap like that.

No it's not. I could tell you horror stories about thing I did...

NAOW · Vette's SS

Mellow Momma wrote:
DD was bullied in high school. Some girls would call her cell and leave really awful, ignorant messages. They blocked their number, but we knew who they were. The odd thing about it, DD was popular. She wasn't the typical target. She was smart, in a lot of clubs ano activities, and was even on the Homecoming court. These girls had many friends, but were just outside the main group. It really hurt DD. She used to be close with a lot of the very girls who started harassing her. She just ignored them. They would quit for awhile and then start back up again. She ignored them through out.

They all still live in the same small town they grew up in, and haven't done much with their lives. DD lives in NYC, has her dream job, travels the world, and is living a happy life. I think DD won.

I was reading an article ( it might have been posted here) that said 'popular' kids are more at risk of bullying now, because of cell phones and internet. Before a kid would have to make themselves a target to pick on a popular person, but now they can hide while tearing someone else down. And popular people are good targets because that is who these kids are jealous of.

TrudyML · Guru

I grew tired pretty quick of the bullies. No one got bullied on my watch. Freshman just wanting to go to the bathroom? Go right on in. I'd be the tough older student smoking in there. Everyone knew not to be a loser if I was around. Yeah, was in the popular clique, blah, blah. But everyone knew I'd help them out. And I did. I think the teachers were grateful. One made me a laminated hall pass to carry when I was hanging in there.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Good for you Trudy! My most recent ex said he did the same. And his teen boys were popular but took up for the underdogs when they saw them getting picked on.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The bullying is more intense. I mean, kids were called Fatty Four Eyes or something like that. Now, people are telling people to Die and go kill yourself and crap like that.
No it's not. I could tell you horror stories about thing I did...

Well, fill us in!

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

And the thing about the Mean Girls, they are really, really good at appearing good. They look nice, get good grades, suck up to teachers, etc. and they know how to be mean in a way that is not overt. And if you tell- they can make you look crazy.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

TrudyML wrote:
I grew tired pretty quick of the bullies. No one got bullied on my watch. Freshman just wanting to go to the bathroom? Go right on in. I'd be the tough older student smoking in there. Everyone knew not to be a loser if I was around. Yeah, was in the popular clique, blah, blah. But everyone knew I'd help them out. And I did. I think the teachers were grateful. One made me a laminated hall pass to carry when I was hanging in there.

I want to have your babies.

flan

Tignanello · My dog name is, Sasha!

Lawyerlady wrote:
And the thing about the Mean Girls, they are really, really good at appearing good. They look nice, get good grades, suck up to teachers, etc. and they know how to be mean in a way that is not overt. And if you tell- they can make you look crazy.

I have one of these at work. I have reported her multiple times for harassing staff members and she just sits there and literally says, "who, me? I just don't understand!"

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
I don't consider those things bullying. That's just life, not everyone is going to like you. I have seen way to many cases where the bully isn't punished at all and if you believe punishment is useless (general you) then this is why they get away with it.

You better believe if my child is being bullied I'm going to step in. Mommy not stepping in helps how actually? Lala land is where the bullies get punished and are allowed to escalate without more consequences. Yes we should teach our children to be confident as all well but they're KIDS and they don't process things like an adult. You all just keep putting it back on the ones being bullied and I'll continue to blame the bully.

Teaching your kid not to be a target only works if it's something they can control. What about the kid with a birth defect or a lisp? Teaching them not to care doesn't work or I'm sure we'd have a lot few suicides by teenagers. Talk about lala land.

You are the second person to bring that up. And do what, exactly? Beat up some 10 year old kid? Challenge their parents to a karate fight? B!tch at the school because that has never been done before?

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Normal, every day kid drama is one thing.

True bullying is another thing.

If there are treats, assault has taken place or it gets to the point that a child is being profoundly affected then there are options.

Going to the school is a start. If need be the police.

I do think "bully" is used too often and in the wrong situations.

But there are some times in which an adult really should step in.

Example, my son was in the 1st grade. He kept telling me this one little boy didn't like him and called him names. I told my son to ignore him. It continued.

My son said the boy was telling others in class lies about him. I told him to ignore him. it continued.

My son said the boy was taking his things. I called the school and set up a meeting. I was told my son was exaggerating.

The next day I was in car pool and was directly in front of the door and where they lined the kids up. I watched this boy pulling my son's back pack and causing my son to stumble.

I was getting out of my car and trying to get the teacher's attention when I saw the little boy punch my son in the nose. He bloodied my son's nose. The teacher saw it. I asked if she still thought my son was exaggerating.

I refused to move my car until that boy's parent was found. We then spent the next 20 minutes in the principal's office. No one else got to say a whole lot because I was busy ripping them a new one.

My child was not bullied after that.

At times, a parent has to step in.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The bullying is more intense. I mean, kids were called Fatty Four Eyes or something like that. Now, people are telling people to Die and go kill yourself and crap like that.
No it's not. I could tell you horror stories about thing I did...

The messages left on DD's voice mail were oddly specific about the ways in which the girls' thought DD should kill herself. They were almost obsessed with planninig it.

They also told her less heinous things, like no one liked her, she was a fake b!tch no one cared about, the school wouldn't notice if she never showed up again...

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

You know, maybe I should have done more. But at the time, I really thought the best thing to do was ignore it. DD and I talked about some of these girls' home lives (we knew they all had issues, one had an alcoholic mother, another's dad had died, yet another was "invisible" at home because of older siblings).

I just tried to teach DD that there will ALWAYS be people who hate you and who talk about you behind your back. Screw em all. What they think doesn't matter. Just use it to fuel your inner desire to succeed.

voiceofreason · Guru

Bullying breaks my heart. I have a little beast in the cul de sac who is the bully. I will march out and bitch him out every time I see him beating the **** out of another kid. His parents think he's picked on. I'm amazed that they're so blinded. I've watched this kid hit kids with a stick, kick a little boy in the privates, drag a kid by the hair and my favorite- scream at akid to get off his property, while he was standing in my yard. He's horrible. His parents are in denial.

Ohfour · Hooker

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
The bullying is more intense. I mean, kids were called Fatty Four Eyes or something like that. Now, people are telling people to Die and go kill yourself and crap like that.
No it's not. I could tell you horror stories about thing I did...

Well, fill us in!

Its not who I am now. I still hurt over the pain I caused to so many people....

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

voiceofreason wrote:
Bullying breaks my heart. I have a little beast in the cul de sac who is the bully. I will march out and bitch him out every time I see him beating the **** out of another kid. His parents think he's picked on. I'm amazed that they're so blinded. I've watched this kid hit kids with a stick, kick a little boy in the privates, drag a kid by the hair and my favorite- scream at akid to get off his property, while he was standing in my yard. He's horrible. His parents are in denial.

You need a water gun. One that lobs water balloons from your porch. biggrin