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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Abby: Living in Parents Basement
Lady Gaga Snerd


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Dear Abby: Living in Parents Basement
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DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult, the eldest of four children. I sleep in a basement (furnished and livable), which serves as my bedroom. I have no job, no driver's license, no friends who live close by.

I try to make my family happy, despite being underappreciated by my parents and siblings. No matter how often I clean the house, take the blame when I have done nothing wrong or try to be social and see eye to eye, I spend many nights crying like a baby in the inky darkness. A few times I have felt so down I have wanted to end my life.

I found an opportunity to get the training I need to accomplish the first half of my dream, and being a chef would help me earn the money I need to make the other half of my dream a reality. The thing is, I'm required to live on the property of the school.

I tried running away once and had to come back. I don't want my parents to think I'm trying to run away from them again, but we don't communicate well. How can I get them to see I'm trying to move toward my goal instead of severing family bonds? -- BABY OF THE BASEMENT

DEAR BABY: I don't know how old you were when you ran away, but if you are close to 18 or older, then finding a way to be self-supporting should be your priority. Family bonds are supposed to be bonds of love, not chains that prevent a person from achieving his or her potential. If you can't explain this to your parents, then you should enlist the help of another adult -- a family friend or a relative -- to help them understand that getting the training or certification you need for a career isn't severing anything, but is to everyone's advantage.

 

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/12/6/unemployed-eldest-child-feels-trapped-in



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ed11563


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There has to be a lot more to this story.

"Young adult"? How young? How adult?

Why no driver's license? Why no job?

Why take the blame for others?

Why no friends nearby?

Is this Cinderella?

 

 



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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yeah, there seems to be a lot missing. This person sounds depressed or very low self esteem. I mean questioning going to college and leaving home in this way seems really off.

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Yeah, is this person being forced to live at home? How will they pay for school?

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Why no job or driver's license? That seems off too? And, how do you expect your kid to get a job if they don't get a driver's license?

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FNW


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It sounds really sad. Like a cry for help. I hope this person gets the help he/she needs.

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Lady Gaga Snerd


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Yes, not at all what you would expect from a young adult looking forward to life.

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flan327


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FNW wrote:

It sounds really sad. Like a cry for help. I hope this person gets the help he/she needs.

 Me too.

I missed my kids when they moved out, but that's what kids are supposed to do...Start their OWN lives.

flan



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Lindley


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I know of some famlies that has issues of letting their children grow up or even better themselves. They discourage their kids from going to college and if one did manage to go hound them till they quit.

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flan327


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Lindley wrote:

I know of some famlies that has issues of letting their children grow up or even better themselves. They discourage their kids from going to college and if one did manage to go hound them till they quit.

 Oh, I bet! How sad!!!

flan



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Lindley


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flan327 wrote:
FNW wrote:

It sounds really sad. Like a cry for help. I hope this person gets the help he/she needs.

 Me too.

I missed my kids when they moved out, but that's what kids are supposed to do...Start their OWN lives.

flan

 Me too!  When I tell people where my kids moved to I heard so many say "I would never let my kids move to far away"  you raise your kids to be independent. 

 I wish mine didn't move so far, far away but she is a adult and has a right to make choices that is right for her and her family.



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flan327


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Lindley wrote:
flan327 wrote:
FNW wrote:

It sounds really sad. Like a cry for help. I hope this person gets the help he/she needs.

 Me too.

I missed my kids when they moved out, but that's what kids are supposed to do...Start their OWN lives.

flan

 Me too!  When I tell people where my kids moved to I heard so many say "I would never let my kids move to far away"  you raise your kids to be independent. 

 I wish mine didn't move so far, far away but she is a adult and has a right to make choices that is right for her and her family.

 Yeah, that is VERY far away!

My older son is in Chicago & my younger one lives about 20 minutes away.

flan



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huskerbb


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It makes a HUGE difference how old this person is.

Are they 19, or 26?

I guess the solution is the same, either way--start being an adult--but if they are already well into their 20's, then Houston, we have a failure to launch.

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That letter is so weird!

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Tinydancer


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My DH and I were the first people in either family to move more than 100 miles away from home. We lived in Denver for 20 years. You'd think we moved to Antarctica or something...lol

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flan327


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Tinydancer wrote:

My DH and I were the first people in either family to move more than 100 miles away from home. We lived in Denver for 20 years. You'd think we moved to Antarctica or something...lol

 You rebel, you!

flan



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