Q. Repay an Ex? A couple years ago my now ex-boyfriend loaned me a large amount of money when I was in a tight spot. He gave the money without my asking; there was no contract or terms of payment discussed. I told him I would eventually pay him back, but he also said he realized that when giving me this money he might never see it again. I cut him out of my life a year ago because our six-year on-again/off-again relationship was not giving me what I needed in a partner and making me miserable. I feel so much better with him out of my life, and I often joke that the money he loaned me is an A-hole tax. However part of me feels guilty. Prudie, should I just let this go as a lesson for both of us, or do I eventually approach him to discuss repayment?
A: You haven’t heard from him about the money, and he gave it to you as a loan but with the understanding it could be construed as a gift. So payback is in your court. Whatever you decide to do, I don’t think you should open up discussions with someone you no longer want to speak to. You need to consider what you feel is your moral obligation, and if that means paying him back, you save the money until you can do it. Then you simply send him a check with a note explaining that you wanted to clear this debt.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.
"He gave the money without my asking;"
"but he also said he realized that when giving me this money he might never see it again."
I believe he knew he wouldn't see that money again. However, LW appears to be feeling guilty about not repaying it. I say she should put it in a separate, interest-bearing savings account, and when she has the total he gave her, then, and only then, should she contact him to give him a cashier's check (not her personal check).
