Quick back story. I have a guy friend in his mid 30's, his mother abandoned him and his brother when they were small. She put them in her car, drove 900 miles to her ex husband's parents' house, let them out and was gone. Didn't even knock on the door. About 10 years later his dad found her and brought her to where they lived. She had been in a mental hospital for a while. She stuck around for a while and then vanished again. Fast forward to last week. Friend gets a call from a hospital up north, his mom was on the streets and brought in for hypothermia. For some reason the only thing she could tell them is his name and SSN. He hasn't seen this woman since he was a kid. He doesn't know her or even know what she looks like. The hospital wants to use him as a contact to make medical decisions since she is not capable to make his own. They said this does not mean he would have any financial responsibility. I told him no one would think poorly if he just closed that door but she is his mother. Honestly if she's been mentally ill all these years she may not have been in her right mind when she abandoned them. What would you guys do?
-- Edited by Southern_Belle on Thursday 8th of January 2015 07:56:57 PM
I agree. Help her. Clearly she has a mental illness. I bet she left her kids because she knew she couldn't handle them. No shame in that. I think leaving them was probably the best thing she ever did for them. She is mentally ill and helping her from afar won't take more than a phone call. He doesn't need to have actual contact with her.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
He already made a decision for surgery but is a bit uncomfortable being the main contact person. They are trying to find other relatives that live closer to maybe go see her.
Quick back story. I have a guy friend in his mid 30's, his mother abandoned him and his brother when they were small. She put them in her car, drove 900 miles to her ex husband's parents' house, let them out and was gone. Didn't even knock on the door. About 10 years later his dad found her and brought them to where they lived. She had been in a mental hospital for a while. She stuck around for a while and then vanished again. Fast forward to last week. Friend gets a call from a hospital up north, his mom was on the streets and brought in for hypothermia. For some reason the only thing she could tell them is his name and SSN. He hasn't seen this woman since he was a kid. He doesn't know her or even know what she looks like. The hospital wants to use him as a contact to make medical decisions since she is not capable to make his own. They said this does not mean he would have any financial responsibility. I told him no one would think poorly if he just closed that door but she is his mother. Honestly if she's been mentally ill all these years she may not have been in her right mind when she abandoned them. What would you guys do?
Gosh, if she wasn't in her right mind. And she took the kids to a safe place, instead of killing them. I think if I were the son, I'd try to help.
They aren't looking for money. Just help in making medical decisions. Right?
I would help.
I would also understand, if he didn't want to take on this burden.
He is such a responsible man. He took care of his elderly grandparents when they were dying. He supported his father and brother when they were down on their luck. Now he takes care of his dad who has diabetes real bad. He has never had the chance to be a young man with no responsibilities.
He is such a responsible man. He took care of his elderly grandparents when they were dying. He supported his father and brother when they were down on their luck. Now he takes care of his dad who has diabetes real bad. He has never had the chance to be a young man with no responsibilities.
He said the problem they are having now is getting her on the system where she is. She's been on the streets so there is no proof of residency. None of the shelters know her. She's not a danger to anyone so they can't keep her once she has had a few more necessary procedures. She will be gone again.
Quick back story. I have a guy friend in his mid 30's, his mother abandoned him and his brother when they were small. She put them in her car, drove 900 miles to her ex husband's parents' house, let them out and was gone. Didn't even knock on the door. About 10 years later his dad found her and brought her to where they lived. She had been in a mental hospital for a while. She stuck around for a while and then vanished again. Fast forward to last week. Friend gets a call from a hospital up north, his mom was on the streets and brought in for hypothermia. For some reason the only thing she could tell them is his name and SSN. He hasn't seen this woman since he was a kid. He doesn't know her or even know what she looks like. The hospital wants to use him as a contact to make medical decisions since she is not capable to make his own. They said this does not mean he would have any financial responsibility. I told him no one would think poorly if he just closed that door but she is his mother. Honestly if she's been mentally ill all these years she may not have been in her right mind when she abandoned them. What would you guys do?
-- Edited by Southern_Belle on Thursday 8th of January 2015 07:56:57 PM
She's been mentally ill for a long time, it seems. That being the case, I think her actions are not unforgivable. I would take on the responsibility - it's his mother.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
He is. I can tell he's sad. Even though he knows she's mentally ill he was a little boy whose mommy dropped him off and disappeared. He will do the right thing. He always does.
He is. I can tell he's sad. Even though he knows she's mentally ill he was a little boy whose mommy dropped him off and disappeared. He will do the right thing. He always does.
I would think this information would help. She didn't abandon his because she was a selfish bitch, she probably did it because it was the only thing she could think to do.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Maybe her being mentally ill changes things, but I wonder how the hospital can give him the right to make medical decisions for her if she doesn't have medical power of attorney. When I was unconscious for 3 days in October, my parents couldn't even make some decisions about my care until I came to. Then they got someone to help me fill out the medical power of attorney form so my dad can make decisions if I can't again for some reason.
He is. I can tell he's sad. Even though he knows she's mentally ill he was a little boy whose mommy dropped him off and disappeared. He will do the right thing. He always does.
I would think this information would help. She didn't abandon his because she was a selfish bitch, she probably did it because it was the only thing she could think to do.
exactly what I was thinking. It would help me fill in some holes so to speak.
I had a friend who's mother just up and left the family without a trace one day. She and her dad lived with his parents and grandma came to the PTA meetings. It was really hard for her to know that her mom was a total selfish ass.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
Maybe her being mentally ill changes things, but I wonder how the hospital can give him the right to make medical decisions for her if she doesn't have medical power of attorney. When I was unconscious for 3 days in October, my parents couldn't even make some decisions about my care until I came to. Then they got someone to help me fill out the medical power of attorney form so my dad can make decisions if I can't again for some reason.
I guess because she is mentally ill and can't make any decisions. She has frost bite and told the medical staff she spilled acid on herself.
He is. I can tell he's sad. Even though he knows she's mentally ill he was a little boy whose mommy dropped him off and disappeared. He will do the right thing. He always does.
I would think this information would help. She didn't abandon his because she was a selfish bitch, she probably did it because it was the only thing she could think to do.
True - but this doesn't address the 20 years of suffering that this child (I know, man . . .) has experienced by being dumped by his mother. That's not a wound that will heal just because there is now an explanation for it. Hopefully, this young man will be able to find a balance between helping (if he chooses too) and validating his own experience of grief and confusing loss of a parent at a young age. This is not a small thing that this friend of yours is dealing with, SB. Sending him support and caring.....
He is. I can tell he's sad. Even though he knows she's mentally ill he was a little boy whose mommy dropped him off and disappeared. He will do the right thing. He always does.
I would think this information would help. She didn't abandon his because she was a selfish bitch, she probably did it because it was the only thing she could think to do.
True - but this doesn't address the 20 years of suffering that this child (I know, man . . .) has experienced by being dumped by his mother. That's not a wound that will heal just because there is now an explanation for it. Hopefully, this young man will be able to find a balance between helping (if he chooses too) and validating his own experience of grief and confusing loss of a parent at a young age. This is not a small thing that this friend of yours is dealing with, SB. Sending him support and caring.....
We talked a while about it. I kept saying I was sorry. He's just had so many crappy things happen in his life. I'm just glad they weren't calling to say they found her dead.
"The hospital wants to use him as a contact to make medical decisions since she is not capable to make (her)? own. They said this does not mean he would have any financial responsibility."
I don't know. I think it's a bit of a slippery slope. And it depends a lot on whether he is her only relative in the picture. He barely knows her. She didn't raise him. I don't think he has any obligation to her. If he starts acting like a health care proxy (can he really do that legally?) and making medical decisions, what comes next when she's discharged? Will he be looked to to support her and take care of her?
If I were him, I would start trying to find other relatives of hers who at least know her. What about her parents? Her siblings?
If she has no one else, then maybe yes.
Or he could talk it over with his brother and see what he thinks.
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