TOTALLY GEEKED!

Tinydancer · Guru

RE: Prudie is way too hard on the LW here.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Besides that, you are accusing HIM of betraying his wife--when he has NOT "acted" on anything--and is trying to avoid doing so.

HIGHLY hypocritical.
The fact that he's even contemplating it is betrayal.
He's NOT "contemplating" it. That is pure BS.
He is trying to avoid it.
There is a difference between "trying" and "doing". He can DO the avoiding part if he chooses.
And HOW you avoid it is to NOT have her move into the house. That IS "doing the avoiding part".
Gosh, he must be extremely WEAK!

No doubt. He cant put is foot down on anything. Not who is in his house, not in his marriage and certainly not in him self.

Who would want to be with a spineless twit like that anyway?

The wife should run now while she can. Let her sister have the train wreck.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Besides that, you are accusing HIM of betraying his wife--when he has NOT "acted" on anything--and is trying to avoid doing so.

HIGHLY hypocritical.
Try reading. I did not say he ACTED on anything, yet.
Yet you want his wife to divorce him for NOT DOING ANYTHING--and move her sister in who HAS done an act of betrayal.
Highly hypocritical.
I never said anything about divorce. Where are you getting that from?

You still haven't answered where you got it from that I said anything about divorcing him. Are you avoiding being wrong?

Ilumine · Regular

Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Husker

Men and women deploy, for years at a time. And the ones that cheat are the ones that have a cheater's heart...NOT because they were living with temptations in their midst.

It is not about LOVING the other person enough to not cheat. It is about having enough self-respect and self-control.

And your alcoholic's analogy doesn't work unless the person is a sex-aholic. Alcoholism is not just about temptation or lack there of or the control over it. There are physical, psychological and emotional components involved. So if anything, you are actually PROVING Prudie's point.

If he cannot control himself, then there is something inherently wrong with HIM, inside HIM.

Correct. An alcoholic is an addict. A compulsive gambler is an addict. are you saying that guys that want to screw their wives sisters are addicts?

I think i was pretty clear. Following Husker's analogy of alcoholism only, men and women who ACTUALLY cheat are not cheating because of the temptations around them, they are cheating because of something "wrong" inside them.

I did not say/write anything about those that that WANT to cheat - that is the temptation part. Acting upon the temptation part is the issue.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

flan327 wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
So a man has absolutely no ability to control himself? And no responsibility to do so.

So is that going to become a battle cry now? They did what ever they did because they are "just guys"?

Ridiculous.
Nope, but in this ONE instance, the younger sister seems determined to seduce him. It's probably a game to her.
flan

Probably. Those who seek out married men and the men who sleep with them are cut from the same cloth. Seems the case here.

huskerbb · Guru

just Czech wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Besides that, you are accusing HIM of betraying his wife--when he has NOT "acted" on anything--and is trying to avoid doing so.

HIGHLY hypocritical.
Try reading. I did not say he ACTED on anything, yet.
Yet you want his wife to divorce him for NOT DOING ANYTHING--and move her sister in who HAS done an act of betrayal.
Highly hypocritical.
I never said anything about divorce. Where are you getting that from?
You still haven't answered where you got it from that I said anything about divorcing him. Are you avoiding being wrong?

I thought it was you on the first page, but maybe it was someone else.

huskerbb · Guru

Let's say a woman in a bar asks a guy to come to her house for sex. Should he say no up front, or should he go and wait until she's naked before he says no just to prove he has all this self-control?

Any SANE woman (or man, were the situation reversed) would prefer the former--even if they trust their spouse completely.

Does that make that person "weak" because they prefer to avoid the situation rather than not?

This is no different, except his wife is asking the woman to THEIR house.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
just Czech wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Besides that, you are accusing HIM of betraying his wife--when he has NOT "acted" on anything--and is trying to avoid doing so.

HIGHLY hypocritical.
Try reading. I did not say he ACTED on anything, yet.
Yet you want his wife to divorce him for NOT DOING ANYTHING--and move her sister in who HAS done an act of betrayal.
Highly hypocritical.
I never said anything about divorce. Where are you getting that from?
You still haven't answered where you got it from that I said anything about divorcing him. Are you avoiding being wrong?
I thought it was you on the first page, but maybe it was someone else.

Go ahead, try saying it.... "I was wrong".

Sticks in your craw doesn't it. (choke choke) wink

Ohfour · Hooker

Ilumine wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Husker

Men and women deploy, for years at a time. And the ones that cheat are the ones that have a cheater's heart...NOT because they were living with temptations in their midst.

It is not about LOVING the other person enough to not cheat. It is about having enough self-respect and self-control.

And your alcoholic's analogy doesn't work unless the person is a sex-aholic. Alcoholism is not just about temptation or lack there of or the control over it. There are physical, psychological and emotional components involved. So if anything, you are actually PROVING Prudie's point.

If he cannot control himself, then there is something inherently wrong with HIM, inside HIM.

Correct. An alcoholic is an addict. A compulsive gambler is an addict. are you saying that guys that want to screw their wives sisters are addicts?
I think i was pretty clear. Following Husker's analogy of alcoholism only, men and women who ACTUALLY cheat are not cheating because of the temptations around them, they are cheating because of something "wrong" inside them.

I did not say/write anything about those that that WANT to cheat - that is the temptation part. Acting upon the temptation part is the issue.

Sorry, Ilumine. I phrased that wrong. You were very clear. I was agreeing with you and asking Husker to expound. Mea culpa...

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Husker

Men and women deploy, for years at a time. And the ones that cheat are the ones that have a cheater's heart...NOT because they were living with temptations in their midst.

It is not about LOVING the other person enough to not cheat. It is about having enough self-respect and self-control.

And your alcoholic's analogy doesn't work unless the person is a sex-aholic. Alcoholism is not just about temptation or lack there of or the control over it. There are physical, psychological and emotional components involved. So if anything, you are actually PROVING Prudie's point.

If he cannot control himself, then there is something inherently wrong with HIM, inside HIM.

Correct. An alcoholic is an addict. A compulsive gambler is an addict. are you saying that guys that want to screw their wives sisters are addicts?
I think i was pretty clear. Following Husker's analogy of alcoholism only, men and women who ACTUALLY cheat are not cheating because of the temptations around them, they are cheating because of something "wrong" inside them.

I did not say/write anything about those that that WANT to cheat - that is the temptation part. Acting upon the temptation part is the issue.
Sorry, Ilumine. I phrased that wrong. You were very clear. I was agreeing with you and asking Husker to expound. Mea culpa...

But if they don't have the temptations around them--they are less likely to be tempted.

Tinydancer · Guru

So your stance is that if you tempt a man enough he can't control his urges. I pity your wife if you truly believe that.

huskerbb · Guru

Tinydancer wrote:
So your stance is that if you tempt a man enough he can't control his urges. I pity your wife if you truly believe that.

???? You pity my wife who has had a faithful husband for over 20 years? She doesn't need your pity.

However, if you think that no one ever gives into temptation on anything--you are daft. People do it every day. YOU do it every day. This issue isn't somehow different or special--except that the consequences are more dire.

Ohfour · Hooker

My husband has what you, Husker, would consider "temptations" around him all the time. Women follow him to his hotel room. Women try to grab him all the time. He's not tempted. He respects me and more importantly, himself.

huskerbb · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
Let's say a woman in a bar asks a guy to come to her house for sex. Should he say no up front, or should he go and wait until she's naked before he says no just to prove he has all this self-control?

Any SANE woman (or man, were the situation reversed) would prefer the former--even if they trust their spouse completely.

Does that make that person "weak" because they prefer to avoid the situation rather than not?

This is no different, except his wife is asking the woman to THEIR house.

<crickets chirping>

huskerbb · Guru

Ohfour wrote:
My husband has what you, Husker, would consider "temptations" around him all the time. Women follow him to his hotel room. Women try to grab him all the time. He's not tempted. He respects me and more importantly, himself.

Sure--but I don't see you letting them move into your house, either.

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Let's say a woman in a bar asks a guy to come to her house for sex. Should he say no up front, or should he go and wait until she's naked before he says no just to prove he has all this self-control?

Any SANE woman (or man, were the situation reversed) would prefer the former--even if they trust their spouse completely.

Does that make that person "weak" because they prefer to avoid the situation rather than not?

This is no different, except his wife is asking the woman to THEIR house.
<crickets chirping>

Well, there obviously isn't a way to avoid this situation, so he needs to man up and deal with his own shortcomings...

Ohfour · Hooker

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
My husband has what you, Husker, would consider "temptations" around him all the time. Women follow him to his hotel room. Women try to grab him all the time. He's not tempted. He respects me and more importantly, himself.
Sure--but I don't see you letting them move into your house, either.

That doesn't matter. He is being hit on multiple times nightly. Being in the house, being in a hotel, that doesn't matter. He COULD be tempted. He is not.

Tinydancer · Guru

huskerbb wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Let's say a woman in a bar asks a guy to come to her house for sex. Should he say no up front, or should he go and wait until she's naked before he says no just to prove he has all this self-control?

Any SANE woman (or man, were the situation reversed) would prefer the former--even if they trust their spouse completely.

Does that make that person "weak" because they prefer to avoid the situation rather than not?

This is no different, except his wife is asking the woman to THEIR house.
<crickets chirping>

Crickets are chirping because this is an idiotic comparison. Anyone who gives into temptation is being weak but you some how think being tempted by sex is too hard for a man to resist. You don't get to say that all men are as weak as you.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Tinydancer wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Let's say a woman in a bar asks a guy to come to her house for sex. Should he say no up front, or should he go and wait until she's naked before he says no just to prove he has all this self-control?

Any SANE woman (or man, were the situation reversed) would prefer the former--even if they trust their spouse completely.

Does that make that person "weak" because they prefer to avoid the situation rather than not?

This is no different, except his wife is asking the woman to THEIR house.
<crickets chirping>
Crickets are chirping because this is an idiotic comparison. Anyone who gives into temptation is being weak but you some how think being tempted by sex is too hard for a man to resist. You don't get to say that all men are as weak as you.

The scenario does not change anything. Keep chirping..

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

huskerbb wrote:
Q. Uncomfortable Around Sister-in-Law: My wife’s younger sister has at times flirted with me, which my wife has laughed off, even when her sister said something about wanting to have my baby. Well, this sister just got kicked out by their parents, and at the moment is living with us. I’ve never cheated, but I’m not sure I can trust myself here. I am, after all, a guy. How can I tactfully express to my wife that we need to figure out something else ASAP?

This tells me he has thought about it. You know your Bible so well. What does it say about this?

Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing about him. He is the only one who is responsible for HIS actions.

Those are the words of Jesus. So that is His response to this.

There is no "what ifs" about it.

Tinydancer · Guru

I find it hard to believe that Husker thinks he speaks for all men on this. Obviously it's very easy to turn Huskers head and he is controlled by his penis...lol

Ilumine · Regular

huskerbb wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Ohfour wrote:
Ilumine wrote:
Husker

Men and women deploy, for years at a time. And the ones that cheat are the ones that have a cheater's heart...NOT because they were living with temptations in their midst.

It is not about LOVING the other person enough to not cheat. It is about having enough self-respect and self-control.

And your alcoholic's analogy doesn't work unless the person is a sex-aholic. Alcoholism is not just about temptation or lack there of or the control over it. There are physical, psychological and emotional components involved. So if anything, you are actually PROVING Prudie's point.

If he cannot control himself, then there is something inherently wrong with HIM, inside HIM.

Correct. An alcoholic is an addict. A compulsive gambler is an addict. are you saying that guys that want to screw their wives sisters are addicts?
I think i was pretty clear. Following Husker's analogy of alcoholism only, men and women who ACTUALLY cheat are not cheating because of the temptations around them, they are cheating because of something "wrong" inside them.

I did not say/write anything about those that that WANT to cheat - that is the temptation part. Acting upon the temptation part is the issue.
Sorry, Ilumine. I phrased that wrong. You were very clear. I was agreeing with you and asking Husker to expound. Mea culpa...
But if they don't have the temptations around them--they are less likely to be tempted.

Seriously? Then he needs to never leave the house. I am 20 lbs overweight, I have the wrinkles of my 43 years and the acne of my teens. I am growing out my cute, but very short hair, so I have a somewhat butch do right now.

And I just got hit on at the grocery store (by a guy). Since, I am extremely happy married and was heading out to pick up our daughter, I wasn't putting out any vibes to try to get some ego-boost either.

I have enough self control and respect, for myself and my husband to not act on it, even flirt back just a little.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
Q. Uncomfortable Around Sister-in-Law: My wife’s younger sister has at times flirted with me, which my wife has laughed off, even when her sister said something about wanting to have my baby. Well, this sister just got kicked out by their parents, and at the moment is living with us. I’ve never cheated, but I’m not sure I can trust myself here. I am, after all, a guy. How can I tactfully express to my wife that we need to figure out something else ASAP?

This tells me he has thought about it. You know your Bible so well. What does it say about this?
Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing about him. He is the only one who is responsible for HIS actions.
Those are the words of Jesus. So that is His response to this.
There is no "what ifs" about it.

So does that apply to her? What a bitch to hit on her husband? Wow. Not sure why she is getting a pass.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I am trying to understand why he is Wrong to not want his tramp sister flaunting herself in his house? Why is that his fault? Unbelievable.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No one has excused the sister. However the sister isn't the one who took vows and she isn't the one writing in saying how weak she is and is, after all, "a gal".

This is about him and his inability to control himself. He is a guy after all.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lol!! So she has no responsibility to her own sister!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

So the guy can use the excuse that he is just a guy?

The OP is not about the sister and controlling her or her side of the responsibility.

It was about the guy and his not being able to control himself.

It doesn't matter what anyone else does. He is the only one responsible for his actions.

You can accept the guys will be guys crap line if you want and put all the responsibility of both their actions on the flirting sister if you want.

But again, the flirting sister is not the one who is under the contract of a wedding vow.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And this guy doesn't seem to be able to set boundaries in any area of his life. He hasn't made it clear to his wife that he does not want the sister in his house.

He has not put a stop to the sister's flirting.

He is just a guy with no self control.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

What are u talking about? What excuses? He wants her to leave? If he didn't have boundaries he would have slept with her already. Why is it somehow wrong to say you are tempted and not put yourself in a bad position? Why should he be uncomfortable in his OWN house?

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What are u talking about? What excuses? He wants her to leave? If he didn't have boundaries he would have slept with her already. Why is it somehow wrong to say you are tempted and not put yourself in a bad position? Why should he be uncomfortable in his OWN house?

HE wouldn't be uncomfortable in his own home IF he had the balls to tell the sister to back off and tell his wife to get the sister out of the house.

As it is (per the letter), wife doesn't believe him and he's afraid he will give in to temptation, because, well, he's a guy.

See, he's coming across as being faithful....but the temptation.....ya know......he may not be able to resist.

The letter is HIS point of view, so IMHO, he is still responsible for HIS actions. Doesn't matter what the SIL does, it's not like she can force him to boink her, he can tell her to back off anytime he wants.

IMHO, he's looking for a pass. That is how the letter comes across to me.

No one has given the SIL a free pass either. She's a biotch. But the letter isn't about her, it's about him.

WYSIWYG · Guru

"Except if he drinks the booze - he's not breaking his marriage vows." - Lawyerlady.

While I would agree with that, the example was an alcoholic and liquor. So, if he drinks, it would be breaking his pledge of sobriety. Also, it wasn't about him drinking, it was about the temptation to drink.

WYSIWYG · Guru

"So the SISTER bears ZERO responsibility for her actions?" - flan

Well, based on the disdain that's prevalent for the "just a guy" attitude of the letter writer, I'd suspect it's because she's "just a gal". Because, you know, "just a guy" is the one with a penis he must keep zipped up and put away.

WYSIWYG · Guru

"There is a difference between "trying" and "doing". He can DO the avoiding part if he chooses." - just Czech

Difference between trying and doing. You've seen "The Empire Strikes Back", haven't you?

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

WYSIWYG wrote:
"So the SISTER bears ZERO responsibility for her actions?" - flan

Well, based on the disdain that's prevalent for the "just a guy" attitude of the letter writer, I'd suspect it's because she's "just a gal". Because, you know, "just a guy" is the one with a penis he must keep zipped up and put away.

It's the gal's responsibility to keep her legs crossed as well. So she doesn't....like ..... fall on it.

Sorry, I know I'm sounding like a biotch, but it ticks me off. He CAN leave it zipped up and put away.

WYSIWYG · Guru

"I find it hard to believe that Husker thinks he speaks for all men on this. Obviously it's very easy to turn Huskers head and he is controlled by his penis...lol" - Tinydancer

"God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time." - Robin Williams

WYSIWYG · Guru

"He CAN leave it zipped up and put away." - just Czech

Yes, He can.
She can also live elsewhere, thus removing the temptation.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

WYSIWYG wrote:
"He CAN leave it zipped up and put away." - just Czech

Yes, He can.
She can also live elsewhere, thus removing the temptation.

So, you are saying he can't resist temptation?

WYSIWYG · Guru

"So, you are saying he can't resist temptation?" - just Czech

No. I am saying remove unnecessary temptation, so he doesn't have to.

just Czech · Give Me Grand's!

WYSIWYG wrote:
"So, you are saying he can't resist temptation?" - just Czech

No. I am saying remove unnecessary temptation, so he doesn't have to.

Doesn't have to what? Be tempted?

We are tempted by something or someone every single day of our life. What makes him so special?

Yeah, the easy thing is to remove SIL. But, until his wife says her sister can leave, he's stuck with her.

No one has said anything good about the SIL.

The LW needs to grow a back bone and tell the SIL to back off. Oh, and in the mean time, keep it in his pants.

WYSIWYG · Guru

I agree, we are tempted every day, by many things. Rare, however, is the one that we live with, every day, in our own home. Our homes are where we are supposed to be able to escape the temptations, and just relax and be who we are.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

It's his home. He is uncomfortable. Nuff said.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What are u talking about? What excuses? He wants her to leave? If he didn't have boundaries he would have slept with her already. Why is it somehow wrong to say you are tempted and not put yourself in a bad position? Why should he be uncomfortable in his OWN house?

First - this is his SIL, and his wife obviously wants her there. This is a family member he is likely to have to be around a lot. And while, NO, she shouldn't behave that way, I think it's disgusting that he would even consider her a temptation.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What are u talking about? What excuses? He wants her to leave? If he didn't have boundaries he would have slept with her already. Why is it somehow wrong to say you are tempted and not put yourself in a bad position? Why should he be uncomfortable in his OWN house?
First - this is his SIL, and his wife obviously wants her there. This is a family member he is likely to have to be around a lot. And while, NO, she shouldn't behave that way, I think it's disgusting that he would even consider her a temptation.

So what? She's a grown woman. Get a damn job and figure out your own life.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

If her parents kicked her out, there is obviously some reason.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
What are u talking about? What excuses? He wants her to leave? If he didn't have boundaries he would have slept with her already. Why is it somehow wrong to say you are tempted and not put yourself in a bad position? Why should he be uncomfortable in his OWN house?
First - this is his SIL, and his wife obviously wants her there. This is a family member he is likely to have to be around a lot. And while, NO, she shouldn't behave that way, I think it's disgusting that he would even consider her a temptation.
So what? She's a grown woman. Get a damn job and figure out your own life.

I don't disagree. But it's the wife's house, too, and she wants her sister there. And see, she doesn't see what the temptation is to DH because it shouldn't be an issue.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

So his feelings don't matter then? The wife has all the say?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
So his feelings don't matter then? The wife has all the say?

You KNOW that is not what I meant. HOWEVER, when it comes to a wife wanting to help a family member who needs it vs. her husband's feelings of lust for his SIL - then he is the one in the wrong.

Perhaps he should tell his wife what he told Prudie and see how that goes over.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
If her parents kicked her out, there is obviously some reason.

I wondered that as well.

flan

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

He can feel uncomfortable. He an also open his mouth and say no.

He can remove the temptation by not giving in.

The very fact he is tempted shows he has thought about it.

Tinydancer · Guru

He's a man. He just can't help himself...lol