TOTALLY GEEKED!

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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chef wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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I still say he hasn't really truly said "NO!" to the sister. He needs to stand up to her and say clearly and without reservation "I do NOT want to have sex with you and I don't appreciate your continued attempts to flirt with me. Stop it!" I doubt he has been that loud and clear. Why do I doubt it? Because he has said he DOES want to have sex with her. And she clearly knows it. He needs to tell her off and mean it.

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Agreed. 

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 This is what I get out of it.  He doesn't really MIND it at all.  If he really didn't like the flirtations he would have already put a stop to it a long long time ago.  I don't know too many women when verbally slapped in the face don't get the message.  Because see, if someone makes me uncomfortable I would tell my DH about the very first time it happens and not play around and pretend it didn't.  He hasn't even said anything to his wife which says to me he likes the attention the sister gives him.  He may have even played back with the flirtations in the beginning and now he's stuck.  I don't have a lot of sympathy for him.  He should have said a resounding NO the first time it happened and sat down with his wife THEN.

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 But he's a man after all and can't control his urges. I'm pretty sure that every cheating husband has used this excuse. Cheating women on the other hand use the "he seduced me" excuse for why they couldn't control themselves.

No, you would be yelling at her "insensitive" husband and saying that it is HER house and she shouldn't have to put up with that. Basically the same things that I am saying, lol. 

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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Because he has a hard time not cheating on his wife with her sister. But I wouldn't expect you to feel any differently...

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Who says he has a hard time?  He just doesn't want it LIVING with him. 

Why should he have to just "suck it up" and deal with it if it makes him uncomfortable in his own house.

 

As for your second comment--that's even more idiotic than the one you posted on the other thread since I've been married 23 years, together 28, and have never cheated on my spouse.  

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I didn't read all the comments but I did find this posters comment interesting. It would also be a safe bet that you never worried that  you may cheat because a woman throws inappropriate comments your way.

From the few posts I've seen from yon on this thread I have to wonder why are you trying to make this guy out to be like you? Because I don't see it.

As for the alcoholic comment ( sorry I forgot who that was), I can see how a man or woman can have a problem with infidelity. In that case I would be upfront with your spouse about this issue and go get some kind of help together. I can't imagine a wife who knows her husband has infidelity issues would ever put her husband in this situation. 

I'm going to have to discount the issue that there's infidelity or some kind sex addict issues going on here because the LW clearly wrote: "because I'm a guy". That clearly means that he feels women have all the power to seduce him because he's a guy. As in ALL guys have this problem.

And maybe he does have issues that need to be treated. He may have thought they were normal and all guys share these issues. And so I'd have to say that Prudie ifs not being too hard on him. I think it will definitely clue him in that maybe this isn't a universal problem and hopefully he will get help or support for it.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Let's say your husband comes home one day and says "honey, there is a good-looking girl in human resources who has made several passes at me--I think we should move her into our house."

NONE of you would agree to that.

This is the same situation--except that the wife wants to move said woman into the house. I can't believe any of you think that is a good idea.

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 Except that this is NOT some random woman he works with - this is her sister, a member of her family.  And he has obviously NOT told his wife he is tempted to give in to the SIL's flirting and screw her if she keeps hanging around.

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 Does she not have any friends? And why did the parents kick her out?

flan

huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Let's say your husband comes home one day and says "honey, there is a good-looking girl in human resources who has made several passes at me--I think we should move her into our house."

NONE of you would agree to that.

This is the same situation--except that the wife wants to move said woman into the house. I can't believe any of you think that is a good idea.

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 Except that this is NOT some random woman he works with - this is her sister, a member of her family.  And he has obviously NOT told his wife he is tempted to give in to the SIL's flirting and screw her if she keeps hanging around.

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 Who cares who it is?  That makes it even WORSE.  A stranger owes you nothing--you would think a sibling would be more loyal.

 

 

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The sibling (wife) IS loyal. To her sister.  She trusts her husband...which she shouldn't knowing that he wants to bang her sister. 

lilyofcourse wrote:

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You'd think a man who took a wedding vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS would be more loyal.

This isn't about the flirting sister at all.

This is about this guy using "just a guy" as an excuse to go back on HIS SOLEMN VOW.

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 How has he NOT been loyal? 

Do you think that guys don't THINK or fantasize about having sex with others? 

If you do--then you are daft. 

Ohfour wrote:

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This is how the letter would read if he wasn't a loser...

Uncomfortable Around Sister-in-Law: My wife’s younger sister has at times flirted with me, which my wife has laughed off, even when her sister said something about wanting to have my baby. Well, this sister just got kicked out by their parents, and at the moment is living with us. I would never cheat, but I feel that my wife's sister is being unloyal to my wife. How do I get it across to all involved that I am not that kind of man and am disgusted and embarrassed that my wife's sister would think I would even entertain the thought of having sex with her.

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So if the letter read that way it wouldn't be "ok" to move the sister in--but the way it reads now she should?  When there is ostensibly a HIGHER chance of infidelity occurring?

That is flat out stupid. 

Ohfour wrote:

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I actually don't see a problem moving the sister in. But that's because I trust my husband...

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 That's ridiculous.  You haven't even answered my other hypotheticals because you know it's such a stupid stance. 

Why should your husband have to fight that battle every day?  You might trust him--but you apparently must not be very nice to him. 

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I actually don't see a problem moving the sister in. But that's because I trust my husband...

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 That's ridiculous.  You haven't even answered my other hypotheticals because you know it's such a stupid stance. 

 

Why should your husband have to fight that battle every day?  You might trust him--but you apparently must not be very nice to him. 

 

 

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There's no battle to fight.   He wouldn't think about it.  And I am very nice to him.  He worships the ground I walk on, and I, he. 

And what hypotheticals are you talking about.  I don't have to answer specifically because most have answered and I agree with them. The you yourself have issues and you sympathize with this guy...

Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I actually don't see a problem moving the sister in. But that's because I trust my husband...

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 That's ridiculous.  You haven't even answered my other hypotheticals because you know it's such a stupid stance. 

 

Why should your husband have to fight that battle every day?  You might trust him--but you apparently must not be very nice to him. 

 

 

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There's no battle to fight.   He wouldn't think about it.  And I am very nice to him.  He worships the ground I walk on, and I, he. 

 

And what hypotheticals are you talking about.  I don't have to answer specifically because most have answered and I agree with them. The you yourself have issues and you sympathize with this guy...

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 ???  Of course there's a battle to fight--he has to fight off the sister. 

Mellow Momma wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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I actually don't see a problem moving the sister in. But that's because I trust my husband...

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 That's ridiculous.  You haven't even answered my other hypotheticals because you know it's such a stupid stance. 

 

Why should your husband have to fight that battle every day?  You might trust him--but you apparently must not be very nice to him. 

 

 

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 I guess most of us don't see it as a battle. If someone flirts with you, you just ignore it, tell them to stop, etc. There is nothing to "fight". No matter how sexy or adept at flirting the sister is, the husband should not even be tempted. He took a vow to honor his wife. Period. Are you tempted to have sex in a strip club? No? Why? Because you took a vow or because it isn't legal? If the fact that it is not legal is the only thing holding you back...that's sad. 

 

The difference in opinion here breaks down to male/female points of view. Most women are used to men coming on to them and telling the men no thanks. Honestly, it started happening to me when I was about 16 and my DD was 13 the first time a grown man flirted with her. We are used to shooting men down, and moving on without giving it a second thought. Most men do NOt have that much experience with women throwing themselves at them...and when they DO, most men go with it. Women don't see this as a struggle or an issue because we deal with unwanted attention almost every time we walk out the door. Most men don't. 

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 But you don't move those men in with you, either.  You wouldn't think of doing so.  Why not?  Because you wouldn't want to have to deal with it all the time. 

Why is this different?  Why should the husband have to deal with that IN HIS OWN HOUSE?

Again, what if he wanted to move someone in who worked with him and who you KNOW has the hots for him?  Would you TRULY be ok with that? 

huskerbb wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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You'd think a man who took a wedding vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS would be more loyal.

This isn't about the flirting sister at all.

This is about this guy using "just a guy" as an excuse to go back on HIS SOLEMN VOW.

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 How has he NOT been loyal? 

 

Do you think that guys don't THINK or fantasize about having sex with others? 

 

If you do--then you are daft. 

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So you admit you cheat on your wife? 

If you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have committed adultery.

And I suppose each and every time you look at them, you cant get close to the woman because you ant control yourself.

I am not the daft one.

I expect a man to be able to control himself. In EVERY situation.

No matter what any one else is doing around them.

You are the daft one if you continue to defend this "just a guy" mentality and no better than he is.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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You'd think a man who took a wedding vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS would be more loyal.

This isn't about the flirting sister at all.

This is about this guy using "just a guy" as an excuse to go back on HIS SOLEMN VOW.

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 How has he NOT been loyal? 

 

Do you think that guys don't THINK or fantasize about having sex with others? 

 

If you do--then you are daft. 

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So you admit you cheat on your wife? 

If you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have committed adultery.

And I suppose each and every time you look at them, you cant get close to the woman because you ant control yourself.

I am not the daft one.

I expect a man to be able to control himself. In EVERY situation.

No matter what any one else is doing around them.

You are the daft one if you continue to defend this "just a guy" mentality and no better than he is.

 

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 That is idiotic.  EVERY guy, married or not, has looked at a woman and had lustful thoughts.  To say they haven't is stupid.  Guys look.

"Control" means PHYSICAL--same for both men and women. 

But part of control--means staying out of situations that would make that more difficult.

Again, should he go up to the hotel room of a woman who wants to have sex with him and then say no--or just say no thanks before it gets to that point? 

huskerbb wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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You'd think a man who took a wedding vow to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS would be more loyal.

This isn't about the flirting sister at all.

This is about this guy using "just a guy" as an excuse to go back on HIS SOLEMN VOW.

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 How has he NOT been loyal? 

 

Do you think that guys don't THINK or fantasize about having sex with others? 

 

If you do--then you are daft. 

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So you admit you cheat on your wife? 

If you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have committed adultery.

And I suppose each and every time you look at them, you cant get close to the woman because you ant control yourself.

I am not the daft one.

I expect a man to be able to control himself. In EVERY situation.

No matter what any one else is doing around them.

You are the daft one if you continue to defend this "just a guy" mentality and no better than he is.

 

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 That is idiotic.  EVERY guy, married or not, has looked at a woman and had lustful thoughts.  To say they haven't is stupid.  Guys look.

"Control" means PHYSICAL--same for both men and women. 

But part of control--means staying out of situations that would make that more difficult.

Again, should he go up to the hotel room of a woman who wants to have sex with him and then say no--or just say no thanks before it gets to that point? 

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Wrong post...

huskerbb wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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huskerbb wrote:

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Let's say your husband comes home one day and says "honey, there is a good-looking girl in human resources who has made several passes at me--I think we should move her into our house."

NONE of you would agree to that.

This is the same situation--except that the wife wants to move said woman into the house. I can't believe any of you think that is a good idea.

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 Except that this is NOT some random woman he works with - this is her sister, a member of her family.  And he has obviously NOT told his wife he is tempted to give in to the SIL's flirting and screw her if she keeps hanging around.

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 Who cares who it is?  That makes it even WORSE.  A stranger owes you nothing--you would think a sibling would be more loyal.

 

 

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The sibling (wife) IS loyal. To her sister.  She trusts her husband...which she shouldn't knowing that he wants to bang her sister. 

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 She shouldn't be since her sister is fully willing to stab her in the back.  PLUS, the wife KNOWS this now because she was told. 

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 KNOWS what?  That she has witnessed a little flirting that she obviously doesn't deam an issue?  You can't tell me she knows her husband is now lusting after her sister because the sister flirted.  Geesh.

Ohfour wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Okay, I'm not a man so I'll ask the obvious question:

I've always thought that a man could not choose to NOT have an erection. It's a physical response to external stimuli.

I guess that wasn't actually a question...

flan

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Erection = / = having sex. 

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 I never said it did, BUT at least the guy feels guilty.

If he didn't, he would have already slept with her.

flan

lilyofcourse wrote:

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flan327 wrote:

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Okay, I'm not a man so I'll ask the obvious question:

I've always thought that a man could not choose to NOT have an erection. It's a physical response to external stimuli.

I guess that wasn't actually a question...

flan

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 Sooooo.... A hard dick means he has lost all ability to control himself?

A stiff dick hath no conscious?

While a physical reaction is out of our hands, what we do with it is completely at our discretion.

 

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 And he has NOT done anything.

flan