TOTALLY GEEKED!

I really don't like the notion that a kid can't get a gift on his/her birthday. Do we really have to turn birthdays into a charity drive? Can't a child have ONE day where it is OK to receive a gift? And, you can buy a gift for a 7 yr old for $5. So what if people bring a gift for each twin? I can't have my kid fed and entertained for 2 hrs anywhere else for $10. Sheesh.

Good point! But, I really don't think it is that much of a "hardship" to bring 2 small gifts or bring one gift like a game and address it to both of them.

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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Good point! But, I really don't think it is that much of a "hardship" to bring 2 small gifts or bring one gift like a game and address it to both of them.

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 DD10's best friends are twins.  We always get 2 gifts and think nothing of it.  They still pretty much have the same friends, though.  Of course, this means we only have to attend ONE party, so that is perfectly fine with me.

So wait. You bring one for each kid? I got totally ripped off then when I had a joint birthday party with my brother and two of our friends.

I should have gotten a ton of gifts!

Ok sarcasm off.

I don't know that I would even think about it. Either as the parent giving the party or the parent of the kid being invited.

Probably do a gift for the one my child knows and probably a nice but token gift for the other.

And if they are 7 and this is the first year they have been in separate classes, chances are they know each other's friends anyway.

I don't know. Seems like something to worry about that you really don't have to worry about.

Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the invitation to my child said "celebrate Max's birthday with us" and not "Max and Steve" ?  As a mom who wasn't always up on who had siblings, I might not know Max had a brother and I would mean no disrespect by not bringing a gift. The OP said some parents might not know the boy was a twin.

 

Somi  I guess my question to you is, do you put both names on the invite?

 

I agree about having separate parties. It might be nice for the boys to have a day just for them that they didn't have to share with their twin.  

Bonny22Pye wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the parents can only afford one gift?  I wouldn't hold it against the kids.  Why should a kid get shunned from a party because of the parents buying habits?

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 I think if there are 2 names on the invite, you need to bring 2 gifts. If there is one name, one gift. 

 

For some parents, that might mean buying something less expensive than they normally would. For others it might mean declining the invitation. 

 

DD's Birthday is near Easter. She would have people decline because their parents had all their extra money spent on spring break. 

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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There are a lot of parents who would do some serious b!tching if you brought a $5 gift to their party. Seriously, it would end up being the next letter. "We shelled out X dollars per person and only got $5 gifts". DD never went to a party where we could get away with anything less than a nice $20 present. To do other wise would have been social suicide. I am not even kidding. I can see where the OP would be worried about people having to bring an extra gift for or rather, guests worrying about what the proper etiquette was for being invited to a twin's birthday party.

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Who said anything about a $5 gift? 

And what are you talking about "getting away with"?

I don't ever have a basic set amount. I go to the store to find something the receiver will like.

And what is with rude people and expecting gifts of a certain amount?

The gift giving world is completely different from when I was growing up.

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 LGS mentioned a $5 gift. 

Where I lived, a $5 gift would be considered nothing more than a token and if it a friend, the parents would be insulted that is all you spent. 

 

Of course, any gift should be accepted graciously and we always did. But people talk. And invitations are not given to people who don't reciprocate. That's life. I didn't make the rules. 

 

You ou really need to calm down Lily. Nothing I posted was about you or in reference to anything you posted. Yet you got all fired up about it. You need to relax or else watch the tone of your posts. 

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Bonny22Pye wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the parents can only afford one gift?  I wouldn't hold it against the kids.  Why should a kid get shunned from a party because of the parents buying habits?

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 I think if there are 2 names on the invite, you need to bring 2 gifts. If there is one name, one gift. 

 

For some parents, that might mean buying something less expensive than they normally would. For others it might mean declining the invitation. 

 

DD's Birthday is near Easter. She would have people decline because their parents had all their extra money spent on spring break. 

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 That.  And if they couldn't afford it, they don't have to go, no judging.  And if I couldn't afford to throw a party, I wouldn't throw one.

My boys' birthdays are in the summer, a week or two after school gets out, so it's hard to find people who are still in town to attend. Also, some don't because they aren't in their class anymore and figure they probably won't be friends next year.  Personally, I have become particular about which party they will attend as well.   They get so many invites, basically because parents will send invites to each and every classmate.  I make sure the child is someone my boy(s) actually play with and like before accepting.  And there are certain places I don't allow, like laser tag places.  I teach my boys not to point a gun at any "person" but rather at targets.  Don't get me wrong, I love laser tag.  It's a blast.  I just don't think they are old enough to comprehend the difference.

 

 

 

Mellow Momma wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Mellow Momma wrote:

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There are a lot of parents who would do some serious b!tching if you brought a $5 gift to their party. Seriously, it would end up being the next letter. "We shelled out X dollars per person and only got $5 gifts". DD never went to a party where we could get away with anything less than a nice $20 present. To do other wise would have been social suicide. I am not even kidding. I can see where the OP would be worried about people having to bring an extra gift for or rather, guests worrying about what the proper etiquette was for being invited to a twin's birthday party.

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Who said anything about a $5 gift? 

And what are you talking about "getting away with"?

I don't ever have a basic set amount. I go to the store to find something the receiver will like.

And what is with rude people and expecting gifts of a certain amount?

The gift giving world is completely different from when I was growing up.

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 LGS mentioned a $5 gift. 

Where I lived, a $5 gift would be considered nothing more than a token and if it a friend, the parents would be insulted that is all you spent. 

 

Of course, any gift should be accepted graciously and we always did. But people talk. And invitations are not given to people who don't reciprocate. That's life. I didn't make the rules. 

 

You ou really need to calm down Lily. Nothing I posted was about you or in reference to anything you posted. Yet you got all fired up about it. You need to relax or else watch the tone of your posts. 

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flan

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Bonny22Pye wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the parents can only afford one gift?  I wouldn't hold it against the kids.  Why should a kid get shunned from a party because of the parents buying habits?

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 I would buy a game or a movie and put both names on it. 

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While my boys would graciously accept and thank the giver for  "one" gift, there is a misconception that twins are a single unit and should not be treated as a married couple.  They are two different and distinct individuals with different tastes and likes.

FNW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Bonny22Pye wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the parents can only afford one gift?  I wouldn't hold it against the kids.  Why should a kid get shunned from a party because of the parents buying habits?

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 I would buy a game or a movie and put both names on it. 

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While my boys would graciously accept and thank the giver for  "one" gift, there is a misconception that twins are a single unit and should not be treated as a married couple.  They are two different and distinct individuals with different tastes and likes.

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 While I agree with that, I do not see the issue with a game or movie being shared by a family.  I mean - you don't normally play a game alone and families tend to watch movies together. 

Of course - this was an academic answer to what if I could only afford one gift. 

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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BTW, when I say $5 gift it can be a $5 gift like a box of crayons or whatever. Or, you can find $15 or $20 gifts on clearance.

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 Would you show up to a birthday party with a box of crayons as a gift?

 

If someone did that, every kid would make fun of her. It isn't right. But they would. And I mean on the playgorund when adults were not around. As I said before, social suicide. She would not be invited back to anyone's party. Again, it isn't right. But it is what happens. 

One time one of my son's friends bought him a remote control car. And, it wasn't a cheap one. It was kind of embarrassing really for him and the other kids.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Bonny22Pye wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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Okay, as the mother of twins.....If you throw one party for two children, guests should bring a gift for each child. If this woman is so concerned about feeling of obligation, throw separate parties. Even though they are in separate classes, they most likely share the same friends anyway.

Children look forward to their birthdays because they get gifts. To deny your child this tells them they are not deserving of presents. I think that's wrong.

My boys are invited to parties all the time. If they are both invited to the same party, they each bring a gift. Two gifts, not just one. And we spend well over $25 on each gift, depending on how close they are to the boys. So yeah, if I threw a joint party, I would think twice about inviting a child to the next party who brought only one gift. I'm judgmental that way.
.

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 What if the parents can only afford one gift?  I wouldn't hold it against the kids.  Why should a kid get shunned from a party because of the parents buying habits?

---

 I would buy a game or a movie and put both names on it. 

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While my boys would graciously accept and thank the giver for  "one" gift, there is a misconception that twins are a single unit and should not be treated as a married couple.  They are two different and distinct individuals with different tastes and likes.

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 While I agree with that, I do not see the issue with a game or movie being shared by a family.  I mean - you don't normally play a game alone and families tend to watch movies together. 

Of course - this was an academic answer to what if I could only afford one gift. 

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If the boys received a gift to share together as well as an individual one each, then great.  If they received one together, it would certainly be appreciated by the boys NOW (at age 6), I would probably just chalk it up to the ignorance of a parent who does not understand that multiples are separate individuals.

I may be more sensitive to this because my mother shared a birthday with Jesus, and would always receive one gift (comparable to what her sisters received at Christmas) which was meant as both a Christmas and birthday present.  

 

 

 

It's the same for us LL, $10-$20.

DD just had a party and everyone brought gifts- no gift cards. There were some very inexpensive gifts and I don't think a single kid noticed or cared. They probably will when they get a little older, but at 7 we are still safe from that.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:

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BTW, when I say $5 gift it can be a $5 gift like a box of crayons or whatever. Or, you can find $15 or $20 gifts on clearance.

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 Would you show up to a birthday party with a box of crayons as a gift?

 

If someone did that, every kid would make fun of her. It isn't right. But they would. And I mean on the playgorund when adults were not around. As I said before, social suicide. She would not be invited back to anyone's party. Again, it isn't right. But it is what happens. 

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And that is when a parent needs to step in and teach those spoiled little brats to NOT behave that way.

I really get so tired of the social "norms" that could e corrected with a little parental intervention.

And that is not riled up. That is simply stating an opinion.

 

And I look at it this way...what if...I had a birthday party...and someone brought a gift..game or movie or whatever...and the card said, "to Kathy & Niel" (my brother whose birthday is a month before mine)...how would I feel...I would think, WTF?

FNW wrote:

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And I look at it this way...what if...I had a birthday party...and someone brought a gift..game or movie or whatever...and the card said, "to Kathy & Niel" (my brother whose birthday is a month before mine)...how would I feel...I would think, WTF?

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 Did they get Niel a gift for his birthday?  If yes, then I would think you have a right to be upset.  If no, and it's something you can do together - why does it matter?  I mean, if Despicable Me just came out on DVD, why can't a person give that to you both?  They are buying a $20 gift instead of two $10 gifts. 

Lawyerlady wrote:

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I don't think there is anything wrong with accepting gifts for your birthday, and I'm rather annoyed at the OP's thought that she should turn the birthday party into a charity event or tell people not to bring gifts (which is a Miss Manners no-no). However, having the EXPECTATION of gifts, complaining about the value, and getting pissy over what you do or do not recieve is a bit too ".....-zilla" to me (insert "mom-zilla", "brat-zilla", or whatever else your mind thinks up).

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 This.

And kids learn by example.

 

FNW wrote:

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And I look at it this way...what if...I had a birthday party...and someone brought a gift..game or movie or whatever...and the card said, "to Kathy & Niel" (my brother whose birthday is a month before mine)...how would I feel...I would think, WTF?

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I understand what you are saying about making sure twins have separate identities.

while my boys are not twins they are very close together in age and just about everyone thought they were. So I tried really, really hard to not lump them together.

This is the only place I every refer to them as "the boys".

But they also had to learn that they are separate people and what another did or said did not make them one.

My brother and I have birthdays 10 days apart. We always had parties together. We got joint gifts. We didn't care if it was joint. We were happy to get something.

I wonder if it is the kids or the parents who have the real problem with these things.

And you know I say all of this with respect and love.

Ohfour wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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And I look at it this way...what if...I had a birthday party...and someone brought a gift..game or movie or whatever...and the card said, "to Kathy & Niel" (my brother whose birthday is a month before mine)...how would I feel...I would think, WTF?

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But you weren't celebrating your bday together with the same party.  Totally different scenario. 

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 Why should it be different?  It's two different birthdays.

Fortunately, my boys' friends seem to "get" this and the "one gift fits both" issue hasn't occurred.  The only ones who try to cut corners at my boys' expense have been my in-laws.

voiceofreason wrote:

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The entitlement here is jaw dropping. Wtf.

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VOR!!

I was just thinking about you.

How the heck are ya? 

FNW wrote:

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Ohfour wrote:

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FNW wrote:

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And I look at it this way...what if...I had a birthday party...and someone brought a gift..game or movie or whatever...and the card said, "to Kathy & Niel" (my brother whose birthday is a month before mine)...how would I feel...I would think, WTF?

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But you weren't celebrating your bday together with the same party.  Totally different scenario. 

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 Why should it be different?  It's two different birthdays.

Fortunately, my boys' friends seem to "get" this and the "one gift fits both" issue hasn't occurred.  The only ones who try to cut corners at my boys' expense have been my in-laws.

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No its not.  Your boys SHARE a birthday.  And you are throwing a party for BOTH of them.  If you and your brother were a couple of days apart and had the same party, then yes, most definitely, a movie for Kathy and Neil would be appropriate.