TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Harriette: Too Tired for Sex

ed11563 · Guru

If he's home from work long before her, he should be helping guide the kids through their homework before she gets home.

He can also take care of dinner, and some parts of the housework.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

How about downsizing so you don't have to work 2 jobs?

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Both good suggestions, ed and LGS!

flan

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.

Yeah, what the OP describes is NOT living.

flan

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.

You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

While she is working two jobs he needs to step up with the child & house care.

TrudyML · Guru

She should grab a pole. That'll help cash wise.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

"Ask your husband if he would be willing to work with you to make a new plan for how household responsibilities are handled."

WTF??? ASK???? He needs to step it up. And if he didn't, his physical "needs" would be the least of my worries.

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.

Thank you for pointing this out IKWTDS. Just because someone is working multiple jobs doesn't mean they are overextended. Sometimes it is just what one has to do in order to make ends meet. Maybe she is paying off student loans, maybe she is banking the money to save for the kids' college funds...we don't know their circumstances. Assuming they have over consumed is not right.

At least they are not living off credit cards.

The husband needs to step it up big time. He sounds like he is clueless. She needs to give him very specific instructions on what she needs him to have done before she gets home. He could have the homework done and the household chores at least started before she gets home. If he wants a little something...he needs to step up his game!

NAOW · Vette's SS

Lawyerlady wrote:
"Ask your husband if he would be willing to work with you to make a new plan for how household responsibilities are handled."

WTF??? ASK???? He needs to step it up. And if he didn't, his physical "needs" would be the least of my worries.

Right?! No way.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

The LW might be one of those people who has to do everything themselves. She probably says DH can't do those things right by her standards so he has given up trying. Pick up a pizza, let the dirty dishes sit in the sink and go have some fun!

Lexxy · My dog name is Sasha, too!

Southern_Belle wrote:
The LW might be one of those people who has to do everything themselves. She probably says DH can't do those things right by her standards so he has given up trying. Pick up a pizza, let the dirty dishes sit in the sink and go have some fun!

Sadly I couldn't do that. I'd be thinking about the dirty dishes in the sink the whole time

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

"Pick up a pizza, let the dirty dishes sit in the sink and go have some fun!"

If she's working two jobs, pizza for 4 (or more, depending on how many children they have) could be out of their budget. LW's signature says she's in the Bronx, NY - rents can be astronomical, plus subway/bus fares. Hubby needs to have the homework completed and the table set for dinner, at a minimum. If he's a "hard worker" surely he knows how to wield a vacuum and a mop.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.

Then live somewhere else.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.
Thank you for pointing this out IKWTDS. Just because someone is working multiple jobs doesn't mean they are overextended. Sometimes it is just what one has to do in order to make ends meet. Maybe she is paying off student loans, maybe she is banking the money to save for the kids' college funds...we don't know their circumstances. Assuming they have over consumed is not right.
At least they are not living off credit cards.

The husband needs to step it up big time. He sounds like he is clueless. She needs to give him very specific instructions on what she needs him to have done before she gets home. He could have the homework done and the household chores at least started before she gets home. If he wants a little something...he needs to step up his game!

Thanks for validating me. I so remember when I was living paycheck to paycheck and took part time jobs on w/e's to supplement. It could be she is in a profession where it is easy to take on extra work but not so for the hubby. Many jobs have restrictions on employees "moon lighting". The issue the LW has is the husband is just not doing the work at home. If she is working, for example, 15 hours extra a week, he needs to match that with the housework and kid's homework. It's simple, she needs to inflate her b@lls and tell him so.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.
Then live somewhere else.

That is your go to statement for everything. If the LW is young and they are just starting out in their professional lives, NYC may be just the place for them to be for their future. Don't discount the experience one can get living in a big city working in industries propelling their careers. One day they will be able to move, but if they need to be in the city for whatever reason, he needs to take up the slack. Husker, you are far removed from big city life and the opportunities it provides you just don't get it. You should work your butt off when young and then after 20+ years you can move. Pretty d@mn sure that is what you just did.

huskerbb · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.
Then live somewhere else.
That is your go to statement for everything. If the LW is young and they are just starting out in their professional lives, NYC may be just the place for them to be for their future. Don't discount the experience one can get living in a big city working in industries propelling their careers. One day they will be able to move, but if they need to be in the city for whatever reason, he needs to take up the slack. Husker, you are far removed from big city life and the opportunities it provides you just don't get it. You should work your butt off when young and then after 20+ years you can move. Pretty d@mn sure that is what you just did.

Fine, make the choices you make--but if you make choices that result in, well, this--then quit bitching about it.

No one is truly "stuck" in our society. They just think they are.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
huskerbb wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.
Then live somewhere else.
That is your go to statement for everything. If the LW is young and they are just starting out in their professional lives, NYC may be just the place for them to be for their future. Don't discount the experience one can get living in a big city working in industries propelling their careers. One day they will be able to move, but if they need to be in the city for whatever reason, he needs to take up the slack. Husker, you are far removed from big city life and the opportunities it provides you just don't get it. You should work your butt off when young and then after 20+ years you can move. Pretty d@mn sure that is what you just did.

Did he stop having sex?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Mellow Momma wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Lady Gaga Snerd wrote:
People overextend themselves. Then, they set their lives up in a way that they have to work like dogs to pay all the bills. Buy a smaller house. Buy used cars. Rent if you cant' afford to own. Whatever. Set your life up in a way so that doesn't burn you out on both ends.
You don't know they are overextended. Rents are extremely high in NYC. Maybe they have low paying jobs so two paychecks won't pay the bills. That's how it is for some folks.
Thank you for pointing this out IKWTDS. Just because someone is working multiple jobs doesn't mean they are overextended. Sometimes it is just what one has to do in order to make ends meet. Maybe she is paying off student loans, maybe she is banking the money to save for the kids' college funds...we don't know their circumstances. Assuming they have over consumed is not right.
At least they are not living off credit cards.

The husband needs to step it up big time. He sounds like he is clueless. She needs to give him very specific instructions on what she needs him to have done before she gets home. He could have the homework done and the household chores at least started before she gets home. If he wants a little something...he needs to step up his game!

Its a message board. I can assume anything i want. Why are u assuming they arent living off credit cards? Neither do u know that.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

It really doesn't matter why she is working two jobs, dealing with the kids homework and doing house work while he is working one job.

The point is HE should be stepping up and doing more.

What is he doing when he gets off work? Why isn't he doing anything to help? Seems she is doing the majority of the heavy lifting and that wont continue forever. She is going to get tired of having to do it all and deal with him and she is going to make a choice on which one is the easiest to let go.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
It really doesn't matter why she is working two jobs, dealing with the kids homework and doing house work while he is working one job.

The point is HE should be stepping up and doing more.

What is he doing when he gets off work? Why isn't he doing anything to help? Seems she is doing the majority of the heavy lifting and that wont continue forever. She is going to get tired of having to do it all and deal with him and she is going to make a choice on which one is the easiest to let go.

But if she lets the marriage "go"--do you really think at that point she'll be better off, either financially or time-wise?

Highly doubtful.

Sure, he probably needs to do more. I'm not going to argue that point--but I'm not so sure that would really make a difference here, either.