DEAR ABBY: We have a 27-year-old nephew who lives at home with his parents. He is a good guy, but he doesn't drive. He has no physical or mental impairments that we are aware of, and all of his numerous family members have offered to teach him. But his nonchalant attitude toward learning has made everyone give up.
We live in a big city with poor public transportation, and his job is far from home. Catching the bus to work is unsafe and takes hours, and daily cab fare isn't cost effective. We know his parents aren't happy transporting him back and forth, and we think they need to push him toward more independence. His social life is limited to family events, and dating is out of the question.
We worry about what will happen as his parents are getting older, and none of us plan on assuming the responsibility of transporting him. Any suggestions? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN FLORIDA
DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: How do you know the parents aren't happy about transporting him? Have they said it? If so, the next time they vent, tell them you're concerned about their son and why. He may have additional problems that you are unaware of. He may simply be a late bloomer or have no incentive to be independent because his parents are happy with him snug in their nest.
However, if this is the elephant in the room that no one -- including the parents -- wants to acknowledge, keep mum because if you don't, you will be resented for it.
Not their monkey, not their circus. If mummy and daddy wanna drive his sorry arse around, that's their circus.
Agreed.
He may have an anxiety disorder that prevents him from driving and is embarrassed to tell the extended family. He may be taking medication for a disorder he doesnt want to disclose and the meds prevent him from driving. There are a lot of reasons actually and none of them are the OP's business.
My DD is almost 24 and has never learned to drive. But public transportation is great where she lives so it's a non issue. But if she ever moves, it will be an issue. She was never too keen to learn.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
There are so many cases such as this in my town. I think the kids have gotten so used to their parents manage them that they are afraid to drive. The kids are damaged due to the "protect the kids" campaign these past decades. I am glad I grew up when I did and not today when parents are really screwing their kids in the auspice of protecting them.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Around here, it isn't unheard of for women to not learn to drive.
If in a city with transportation, I don't think it is a big deal.
I never wanted to need to depend on anyone to get me where I wanted to be.
I had to push C to get her license.
I think the aunt in the OP needs to butt out.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I read an article about how Millenials aren't driving because they are moving to urban areas. They aren't buying houses or driving cars.
So many of my friends have BF or such that have 30YO "kids" that don't drive. Has nothing to do with economics, has every thing to do with being scared and not wanting to get out there. These "kids" are ruined with the their parent's parenting.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
It seems so foreign to me for an adult not to have a driver's license (or not even know how to drive!). Maybe it's a California thing - I've lived in very large cities and also small towns, and rarely have I met someone who doesn't drive.
Here the girls all want their license and most boys don't. It's weird. However, this OP needs to mind her own business.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou
I didn't get my license until I was 20 but I drove anyway.
I read somewhere that when we were young a license meant access to friends, now, kids have 24/7 accss to friends thru their phones and computers so they don't care so much to drive.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
I didn't get my license until I was 20 but I drove anyway.
I read somewhere that when we were young a license meant access to friends, now, kids have 24/7 accss to friends thru their phones and computers so they don't care so much to drive.
Yes. I read that as well. It used to be a way to connect with others, and also a status symbol. Remember those lucky bast@rds with fall birthdays? Now, your phone is your way to connect and your status symbol.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I had zero desire to learn to drive. I waited until I was 17.5 to get my learner's permit and only got it when I did because CA had an incredibly stupid law at the time that would've been a pain in the rear had I waited. If driving wasn't the most convenient way from A to B, I wouldn't do it. I hate dealing with idiots on the road, especially the ones who can't be arsed to signal.
DH didn't get his license until his mid-20s and didn't drive regularly until we got married. His dad was more than happy to keep his son in his nest. Frankly, his dad still isn't happy that I refuse to chauffeur DH around.
My son is 17 and doesnt' seem to care. My 19 yr old son was literally dragging me to the car every chance he got. I told my younger son that he WILL learn to drive this summer. I personally think it is a skill you need to learn unless you live in NYC or something. And, the longer you wait, then not doing it becomes engrained and some people develop a phobia about it. My MIL never learned to drive which I just find very odd. Why would you as a female NOT want to learn something that helps give you freedom in our society?
I didn't get my license until I was 20 but I drove anyway.
I read somewhere that when we were young a license meant access to friends, now, kids have 24/7 accss to friends thru their phones and computers so they don't care so much to drive.
Yes. I read that as well. It used to be a way to connect with others, and also a status symbol. Remember those lucky bast@rds with fall birthdays? Now, your phone is your way to connect and your status symbol.
That's true. Kids today are about social media and electronics.. The things that previous generations cared about , they don't. I don't think they are going to want huge McMansion type house with endless cleaning, yard work, etc. I see them more as apt dwellers happily twittering and tweeting their lives away.
I don't drive! LOL But I'm in a city, everything is a block away. The bus drops me right at my front door here. And lets admit it? It gets me out of stuff I don't want to do.
I think all adults should know how to drive. What if there is an emergency and you are the only one conscious to drive? If you don't WANT to drive, fine - but learn how, anyway, then just don't get a car. It's an important life skill - like swimming.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I think all adults should know how to drive. What if there is an emergency and you are the only one conscious to drive? If you don't WANT to drive, fine - but learn how, anyway, then just don't get a car. It's an important life skill - like swimming.
Totally agree!
Plus I think everyone should learn to drive a stick just because I had to.
My kids learned to drive as soon as the law allowed.
But I tried (without success) to convince them that they should learn how to drive a stick shift.
I learned to drive in a truck with a stick on the column. Didn't know I had a choice.
I learned to drive on a stick as well. I didn't have a choice either. I am glad I know how now. In high school, guys thought I was pretty cool because I could drive it.
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
I learned on an automatic, it's was what we had at the time.
I learned to drive a stick later when we got one. It was an MGB, frog green convertible. Dad said if I learned to drive it, I could have it.
I did.
Then mom made him get rid of it. She said I would "drive under a truck in that thing".
My sliding in the driveway side ways and then saying it would fit didn't help matters.
Anyway. I can. I don't know if I am able now though. If I had to, I could probably get to help.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I learned to drive stick on an old ford truck my husband used to drive. It was hard and I was always afraid of stalling. A few years later I drove my friend's little Hyundai. It was so much easier to drive.
That commercial makes me laugh every time I see it.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Anyone here know how to use a choke? Yup, that's what I had to learn to drive. I am that ancient. I loved that '52 Chevy truck. The tractor not so much.
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I drink coffee so I don't kill you.
I quilt so I don't kill you.
Do you see a theme?
Faith isn't something that keeps bad things from happening. Faith is what helps us get through bad things when they do happen.
Stupid. Don't care if it's my business or not. If I had such a sack of **** for a nephew I would mercilessly make fun of him. Probably his parents, too.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
Flan, it is quite common for farm kids to drive at a very early age. Yes 6 is common. By 12, I think, most have a farm license. They can drive into town or do other things locally as long as it is farm related.
At least that is what it is in Kansas, where some of my family are.
Have a cousin who was driving just about anything by 12.
I was driving at 13. But I kept it in the pastures.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
But don't you have to use the pedals to be actually driving?
Not necessarily. My first experience was when my uncle would start me down the line of bales and then jump out of the pickup to pick them up as I drove alongside. At the end, he'd get back in and turn it around.
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I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
Well, I could agree with you--but then we'd both be wrong.
We were shown the brake. If you need to stop, stand on that.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Anyone here know how to use a choke? Yup, that's what I had to learn to drive. I am that ancient. I loved that '52 Chevy truck. The tractor not so much.
I haven't thought about chokes for years
I learned to drive in my parents' 1960 Mercury Comet, stick shift with a choke.
My first new car, a 1967 Ford Cortina, also had a choke.
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The Principle of Least Interest: He who cares least about a relationship, controls it.