DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor is going to the funeral of one of her family members, and it's out of town. She came to me the other day to ask if I would watch her cat while she is away. I am allergic to cats, so I told her no. But even if I were not allergic, I think that is a whole lot to ask. I know that there are kennels for animals when people have to go away. Why wouldn't she have just gone there? I have never played with her cat. I don't even go over her house because I know the cat will make me sneeze. Anyhow, now my neighbor is mad at me. She said I was being uncaring because I did not help her out in her time of need. I told her I would keep an eye out on her house, but that I just can't watch her cat. What else could I have done? She is my neighbor, and I would like to support her, but we aren't close at all. -- Which Way to Turn, Boston
DEAR WHICH WAY TO TURN: You were smart not to accept watching the cat when you are allergic. Without hearing you, I cannot attest as to how you let her know you couldn't do it, but tone is everything. You may have hurt her already-fragile feelings by summarily rejecting her need.
You may have tried to be more helpful, saying you cannot take the cat but suggesting others who might be able to do it or even recommending a kennel. Sometimes when people are grieving, they don't think straight. She may not have thought of the kennel.
None of the kennels around here have adequate facilities for a cat. I always have someone come in to feed them while I'm away. She needs to hire a pet sitter to come to her house.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Seriously? She is so allergic she couldn't notice if it was alive and toss it some food?
Yeah, what do you have to do to watch a cat? Yes, I wouldn't expect her to bring the cat into her house. But, if all she had to do was go over and fill the water and food bowl, then what is the problem? And, you cannot usually book a kennel on short notice, that is very difficult.
Seriously? She is so allergic she couldn't notice if it was alive and toss it some food?
But why is it her responsibility? She said she isn't close to the neighbor. Even if she were close, it's not her responsibility to watch the cat. That's a bit presumptuous. There are plenty of people you can hire.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
It isn't her "responsibility". It's called being a good neighbor and sometimes you put yourself out to help others. However if she is severely allergic, then no, she shouldn't do it.
I would have done it. But, that's how our neighborhood works. Even the guy I can't stand, someone would help him.
But, as for the letter writer, what's done is done. The neighbor is choosing to be mad and that's on her. You just continue to be pleasant when you see her but don't act like it's all life changing that your neighbor is mad.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
Oh lord, you can't leave my cats for more than a few hours. They schitt more than any two cats in the world. Littler box has to be emptied twice a day. When we are gone one of the neighbors does it. They both have cats, and have for years. Even they are astounded at the amount of crap my cats produce. Literally, about 3/4 of a garbage bag a week...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Oh lord, you can't leave my cats for more than a few hours. They schitt more than any two cats in the world. Littler box has to be emptied twice a day. When we are gone one of the neighbors does it. They both have cats, and have for years. Even they are astounded at the amount of crap my cats produce. Literally, about 3/4 of a garbage bag a week...
Dex is huge. He's about 23 pounds now, and isn't 2 years old yet. Deb weighs about 10 pounds...but we've never been a able to go a day without cleaning the litter. Even when we first got them.
-- Edited by Ohfour on Saturday 31st of January 2015 10:38:51 AM
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
Oh lord, you can't leave my cats for more than a few hours. They schitt more than any two cats in the world. Littler box has to be emptied twice a day. When we are gone one of the neighbors does it. They both have cats, and have for years. Even they are astounded at the amount of crap my cats produce. Literally, about 3/4 of a garbage bag a week...
Are they large cats?
Like tigers? Thats a lotta ****.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
Why is this a dramatic, extended ordeal? The OP is so lucky that this is his/her biggest concern in life.
I was going to start an advice column on my blog. But every time I hear peoples complaints and concerns, my first reaction seems to be oh ffs. Maybe that will be my hook. The ffs column.
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
Why is this a dramatic, extended ordeal? The OP is so lucky that this is his/her biggest concern in life.
I was going to start an advice column on my blog. But every time I hear peoples complaints and concerns, my first reaction seems to be oh ffs. Maybe that will be my hook. The ffs column.
Dear VoR,
I need to take a poop. Should I use the main bathroom or the bathroom upstairs? Should I use the time to read or relax and play games on my iPhone ? Should I capture the moment on social media? Should I use only regular toilet paper or should I ise wipes? I am so distraught over all these decisions that I don't think I have the stamina to poop anymore. Help!
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Out of all the lies I have told, "just kidding" is my favorite !
If a person doesn't want to take care of anything for another, no should be enough. It doesn't matter the reason or the need.
And yes, people can be severely allergic to cats. My son, A, is very allergic. One of his friends has a cat. A cant go to his house and if he spends too much time with this friend at school, he gets stuffy and will get to the point of nose bleeds.
But the big point here, no means no and shouldn't have to be explained.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
Why is this a dramatic, extended ordeal? The OP is so lucky that this is his/her biggest concern in life.
I was going to start an advice column on my blog. But every time I hear peoples complaints and concerns, my first reaction seems to be oh ffs. Maybe that will be my hook. The ffs column.
Dear VoR,
I need to take a poop. Should I use the main bathroom or the bathroom upstairs? Should I use the time to read or relax and play games on my iPhone ? Should I capture the moment on social media? Should I use only regular toilet paper or should I ise wipes? I am so distraught over all these decisions that I don't think I have the stamina to poop anymore. Help!
Dear poop challenged,
Oh ffs.
VoR
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I'm the Ginger Rogers of spelling...that means I'm smat.
Lesson learned in February: I don't have to keep up, I just have to keep moving!
I have pet sat before and don't mind it but the animal dying is always in the back of my mind. I would not know how to tell someone their pet died without the owner thinking it was because of neglect. I would never neglect an animal in my care.
Why is this a dramatic, extended ordeal? The OP is so lucky that this is his/her biggest concern in life.
I was going to start an advice column on my blog. But every time I hear peoples complaints and concerns, my first reaction seems to be oh ffs. Maybe that will be my hook. The ffs column.
I dare you! It would be SO much fun.
flan
-- Edited by flan327 on Saturday 31st of January 2015 01:57:17 PM
Our Vet back in NJ used the upstairs of her office to board cats ~ "Catnip Cottage" - cubicles were 4x4x8, with multiple levels. Our fur-babies were purr-fectly happy to stay there! $10/day per cubicle - which could hold 2 average size cats or 4 kittens.
My neighbors and I trade off caring for our four-legged family members - dogs, cats, horses, cattle, whatever. I think the LW should come down off her high horse, -so to speak :) - and realize that (a) neighbor probably didn't remember that LW was allergic to cats, (b) this was not a planned vacation, and (c) she could have used a mask for the few minutes it would take her to put out fresh water and food for the cat. Sometimes you should just suck it up, and be a good neighbor.
These columns are getting dumber and dumber. Say no and move on.
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“You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I'll rise!” ― Maya Angelou