TOTALLY GEEKED!

What a horrible practice! Good for Dad. I hope he gets enough funding to leave that horrible country & move back to New Zealand.

Good for Dad. But scary that Armenia operates that way.

I wish him well.

I wish the Dad well. Good for him for refusing to abandon his baby.

Shame on the Mom. What a witch!

That is so bittersweet. Good for the dad. I hope they have a wonderful life.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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That is dad is what a real parent looks like.

I am really surprised they didn't know this before the baby was born.

Here, the baby isn't abandoned. In a situation like this, the baby would be aborted.

So while what this woman did is shameful, at least that baby is alive. And yes. That is a very good thing.

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 I beg to disagree...I have several friends and acquaintances with DS or other developmentally disabled kids.  None even considered abortion for a New York minute.

I've seen a lot of excuses on other sites that this is a cultural thing on behalf of the mother. I guess some cultures really are better than others. This story proves it, IMHO.
That is one cold hearted biotch. Dad is awesome! I wish him and his son all the best.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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What happens to the baby if the parents don't keep it?

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Good question and I'm actually afraid of the answer.

Orphanage or euthanasia? 

So sad to think that babies can just be cast aside like that.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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What happens to the baby if the parents don't keep it?

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 "After what I've been through with Leo, I'm not going to sit back and watch babies be sent to orphanages," he said. "As a child with Down syndrome, that becomes somewhat of a label. If we can get around this label, we’ll see that they’re normal. They’re a little different from us, but they’re still normal.

 

The red is what he said about what happens to the babies but the bolded is what I believe with all I know about DS kids. They touch you're heart in such a way that you can't believe it. I think they might be me normal than the rest of us.

tlc wrote:

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I know when I was born, there was another baby there with the same thing I have - Spina Bifida. He was abandoned by his parents, and was under the care of an orphanage. His parents didn't want him because of the disability. I'm sure this still happens, just not talked about.

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I can't even wrap my mind around this. Babies that need us the most abandoned by parents is just incomprehensible to me.

You can't force a woman to be a mother. You can make her give birth but you can't make her be a mom. I would hate a woman like that raising a special needs child. She did the right thing. Now the dad knows what he's dealing with.

And she may be a perfectly lovely mother to a non special needs baby. Everyone has limits. She appears to know hers. And she may have ppd too. I'm not going to automatically jump to her being a horrible person.

Oh my goodness, look at that face! So cute! I know I could love him... I do. May god bless that child with a mommy who will cuddle him and give him everything that he deserves. Precious as any other. <3

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:

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Tinydancer wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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What happens to the baby if the parents don't keep it?

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 "After what I've been through with Leo, I'm not going to sit back and watch babies be sent to orphanages," he said. "As a child with Down syndrome, that becomes somewhat of a label. If we can get around this label, we’ll see that they’re normal. They’re a little different from us, but they’re still normal.

 

The red is what he said about what happens to the babies but the bolded is what I believe with all I know about DS kids. They touch you're heart in such a way that you can't believe it. I think they might be me normal than the rest of us.

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 Special needs children are a HUGE handful.  There is so much to raising a special needs child.  It's taxing beyond belief.  There is nothing glamorous about it.

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 I didn't say anything about it being glamorous. I am very familiar with what it takes to raise a special needs child but I wouldn't change a thing. Raising a downs syndrome child is hard and has many challenges but loving them is no challenge at all.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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While I can understand the disappointment and fear this woman was facing, I can't give her a pass. When you have a child, there is always a risk it will be special needs. If you can't handle that risk - don't have children. Once you bring a child into the world, it is your responsibility to love and care for it. Adoption is a wonderful option for people with accidental pregnancies who are not prepared to be parents- but choosing to have a child and then giving it away because it is not good enough? No. Especially when that child will not be adopted by another family. That makes you a selfish person.

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 I agree she is selfish but I am equally happy that she is not going to try to raise a child that needs someone who is better equipped emotionally to deal with the challenge.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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While I can understand the disappointment and fear this woman was facing, I can't give her a pass. When you have a child, there is always a risk it will be special needs. If you can't handle that risk - don't have children. Once you bring a child into the world, it is your responsibility to love and care for it. Adoption is a wonderful option for people with accidental pregnancies who are not prepared to be parents- but choosing to have a child and then giving it away because it is not good enough? No. Especially when that child will not be adopted by another family. That makes you a selfish person.

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 THANK YOU! MOst people say they can't do it out of fear of the unknown but most do rise to the occasion and accept the challenge. People can do amazing things when they try. I don't give the mother a pass either. Don't even try having kids if you can't handle whatever you are given.

tlc wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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While I can understand the disappointment and fear this woman was facing, I can't give her a pass. When you have a child, there is always a risk it will be special needs. If you can't handle that risk - don't have children. Once you bring a child into the world, it is your responsibility to love and care for it. Adoption is a wonderful option for people with accidental pregnancies who are not prepared to be parents- but choosing to have a child and then giving it away because it is not good enough? No. Especially when that child will not be adopted by another family. That makes you a selfish person.

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 THANK YOU! MOst people say they can't do it out of fear of the unknown but most do rise to the occasion and accept the challenge. People can do amazing things when they try. I don't give the mother a pass either. Don't even try having kids if you can't handle whatever you are given.

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 I agree.

JPT wrote:

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Just a point, in the US, there are lots of resources for parents and a society/community that supports parents of and special needs kids.

In other less "enlightened" countries, these parents would be shamed/shunned/and isolated in their society. There would be no support, no educational opportunities, and even the parents themselves would most likely suffer great economic harm as well with losing jobs, etc.

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 Not to mention being shunned by the other members of the community and having no respite care for the caregivers. 

I DON'T CARE. THIS family has an option to leave Armenia. That IS what the father is doing. Mom COULD have made the same choice, but didn't.
The story does put Armenia in the spot light concerning their abysmal care of the handicapped. Third world problem.. third world mentality. Such a wonderful concept.
And where are the human rights activists?
Oh, yeah, the don't give a damn crowd when it comes to the handicapped. An orphanage is such a wonderful place for a child to grow up in. Note heavy sarcasm..
Here, in the USA, the child would have been adopted if both parents had relinquished him. That doesn't happen in third world countries.
Third world country's look so..... backwards.

This is the mothers side:

21 January was the happiest day for me, as I finally gave birth to my long-awaited son. Our son was born at 6.30 in the morning and I remember alarmed faces around and doctors worried looks. I woke hours after anaesthesia. My first question was about the whereabouts of my child. I remember the sad faces of my relatives and the doctors and the diagnosis that sounded like a verdict: ''Your child was born with a Down Syndrome.'' One can never imagine my feelings at that moment․

Hardly had I recovered from the first shock, when the doctor approached me and told me to voice my decision whether I was going to keep Leo or not. I had to make the most ruthless decision in my life within several hours. The first thing that came to my mind after the diagnosis was that I don't want my child to live in a country where certain stereotypes dominate the lives of people with DS and no opportunities at all. I want him to be involved and well-received in society, an integration that will require years and years for our society to adjust to. I saw the evasive looks of the doctors, my relatives' tear-stained faces, received calls of condolences and realised that only a move to a country with such standards as New Zealand would entitle my son to a decent life. This fact was not disputed by my spouse either, who occasionally claims in his articles that the baby can't afford the life he deserves in Armenia.

Thus, I spent the hours after Leo's birth trying to collect my will and decide on the best destiny for the kid. Everyone in our family realised that the baby's interests should be placed first and only his move to another country could remedy the situation, something that Sam himself also accepted.

I understood that in Armenia, where is no extensive social infrastructure to help children with developmental disabilities, no governmental support, with the continuous hard economic situation in the country, with the possibility of renewed war with our hostile neighbour--with whom the fragile cease-fire seems to be deteriorating over time--always looming in the background, with my salary of 180$ being partly supported by my sister and living in my mother's place and having no other income, as my husband did not work, I would not be able to raise my child with special needs.

In Armenia every child is loved and respected and family is a high value, but in this country children with special needs do require special attention, huge financial resources and dedication.

In the hardest moment of my life when my husband should be next to me and support and help to take the right decision, I could not find any support from his side. After that incident, he left the hospital notifying me hours later that he was taking the kid with him, that he is going to leave the country for New Zealand and I do not have anything to do with the situation. Without giving me any option and trying to find with me any solution in this hardest situation, he started to circulate the story on every possible platform without even trying to give me a voice accusing that I put him an ultimatum marriage or the baby, which is absolutely not true. I tried several times to communicate but he never tried to listen me and to find common solutions. The only response was the accusation from his part.

Sam has never suggested joining him and bringing up the child together in his country. Neither did he tell me anything on the day we filed for divorce. The only thing he kept saying was that he didn't want us to separate, whereas my question what we should do always remained unanswered.

As a mother who has faced this severe situation, being in the hospital under stress and depression, experiencing enormous pressure from every side, not finding any support from my husband's part on any possibilities of giving a child decent life in Armenia, I faced two options: to take care of the child on my own in Armenia, or to abandon my maternal instincts and extend the baby an opportunity to enjoy a decent life with his father in New Zealand. I went for the second option.

Her story contrasts to Forrest’s claim on the crowdfunding site that Leo’s mother was only concerned with bringing shame on the family:
His Armenian mother and her family abandoned him at birth. His father, a New Zealander, was no longer welcome in the family home because he wanted to 'keep' Leo. The mother refused to even look at or touch the newborn for fear of getting attached in a society where defects are not accepted, often bringing shame on the family involved.

In yet another twist in the heartbreaking and now very public dispute between parents in the wake of Leo’s birth, Forrest told The Mirror Saturday that he “forgives” and “adores” his wife, and even hopes for a potential reunion.

It's NOT a Black & White situation.

flan

just Czech wrote:

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I DON'T CARE. THIS family has an option to leave Armenia. That IS what the father is doing. Mom COULD have made the same choice, but didn't.
The story does put Armenia in the spot light concerning their abysmal care of the handicapped. Third world problem.. third world mentality. Such a wonderful concept.
And where are the human rights activists?
Oh, yeah, the don't give a damn crowd when it comes to the handicapped. An orphanage is such a wonderful place for a child to grow up in. Note heavy sarcasm..
Here, in the USA, the child would have been adopted if both parents had relinquished him. That doesn't happen in third world countries.
Third world country's look so..... backwards.

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   She could have left Armenia with her husband.  She wanted to stay with her family.  Also, if she had to "think" about what to do as far as this baby was concerned then she's already made up her mind.  A good parent just kicks in.  They don't "consider".  The love never waives.

And she shouldn't ever get pregnant.  I'm not even sorry for saying this.  You can flame me all you want but when you get pregnant there is no promise of perfection.  You get what you get.  Even if she had a "normal" kid she could have one of those stubborn kids who challenges you at every turn.  She is in parenthood for what SHE can get out of it and not what she can give a child.  She doesn't need to be a parent.

So what, there's currently no infrastructure for support. That is because of the attitudes of the country. If people wanted to change those attitudes, they could, but they probably don't want to. Again, our country, just 50 years ago, hell, even 30 years ago, didn't have the support systems in place, but people started seeing disabled children as children, not something to just put away in a home or get rid of because it's too hard. Our attitudes have changed, (not enough even yet, but have changed drastically) because people actively changed it. Theirs could too. So to just say "well, that's just the way that country views it" isn't acceptable. It needs to change. People complain about all the problems here in the States, but I'm glad I live here, not Armenia or any other backwards country that doesn't value people who are less than perfect.

Mellow Momma wrote:

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It does need to change for sure. There is no doubt aout that. But what is this woman supposed to do in the meantime? How is she supposed to care for her child during the time of change - there are still no services for her child, there are still no qualified people to help teach him, there are still no facilities to take him to in order to help him develop. So while the situation does need to change for sure, should her child suffer because the change has not happened yet ? Changing attitudes in her country is going to take more time, money, and educational and political resources than this one woman has. That isn't her child's fault.

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I guess the point I was trying to make is that nothing will change until people make it change, and she could refuse to give the baby up and do what she has to do to raise the kid. Frankly, there were no support groups, not a lot of help when I was born. My parents just did what they had to do, and raised me like any other kid. Got me the medical attention I needed, even if that meant going across the state or out of state to do it. Where there's a will there's a way, as they say.  

Yes. It is black and white.

Do you want your kid? Yes or no?

She did not.

If she did, nothing would have come between her and her baby. Period.

Ya'll can be all "she had no choice" and "poor woman" all you want. But the truth of the matter is she turned her back on her child.

I have no sympathy for her.