TOTALLY GEEKED!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Dear Abby: Friends Won't Reciprocate Dinner Parties

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

Our group of friends never got together for dinner parties. We always did something far more casual. It could be that this group prefers to socialize in other ways and thinks the OP likes to throw the parties! Also, alt of people don't have what it takes to throw a party like that. It's difficult to pull off, expensive, and some people lack the time and/or resources at home to do it (no dining area big enough, etc).

If the OP doesn't want to do it, she shouldn't. How about suggesting every one meets up at a restaurant to catch up?

Blankie · Guru

Just go out to a restaurant!

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yes. Or mix it up a bit. Or, have parties with drinks and snacks, they don't have to be full course meal type parties.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Or, do a potluck. Everyone bring a dish. And, if they use your oven to heat something up, so what?

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Maybe the friends can't cook or don't have the room to have people over. They should take their friends out once in a while, though.

JPT · Senior Member

I've found that when one of a group of "friends" is the only one hosting or planning get togethers, then they are the only one really invested in keeping the "group" going. Betting dollars to doughnuts that a few are getting together "on the side". I used to be that one who was always hosting, and at one point, I just stopped. And didn't hear from them for a couple of years. Then, out of the blue, the husband of one of them called my husband and asked "Hey, do you know why JPT and my wife aren't speaking?" DH put me on the phone. "Umm, I didn't stop speaking to your wife, I just stopped offering to do all the entertaining. I was waiting for you guys to take the initiative for a change!"

To say the least, he was flabbergasted, never even having the least inkling that they should have stepped up. They called a few months later and asked us to come for a housewarming party, but we sent our regrets due to a prior commitment. And we had moved on to other social groups where the concept of reciprocal hospitality was not a foreign concept.

It's a large group of longtime friends. Long time friendships don't always survive, people and circumstances change. The LW is already "losing affection" and if the only thing keeping the relationships going is her throwing parties, then it's time to speak up, or just stop hosting, because there really isn't much of a "friendship" left to preserve.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Regardless of why these people don't want to host dinner parties if they attend hers they need to find some way to reciprocate. I agree, she should just stop and See what happens. If they don't initiate contact, oh well, not a big loss.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

Here the one with the house on the water usually hosts but everyone else brings most of the food and drinks. Then we sit outside and chill.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Well, you can't control what other people do. If you want to have parties, have them. If you want to suggest other venues or meetings at their house or potlucks, then by all means suggest that. But, ultimately, do what works for you.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

My way of thinking is, if you like hosting these things, then enjoy it. If you don't. Then you don't.

I have never invited anyone to anything with the idea of them returning the "favor".

Mellow Momma · Sniff...sniff, sniff. Yay! A Bum!

The telling part is...when they try to help out and bring a dish, she gets pissy about that too. Her friends can't win.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

She's a controlling Beyotch! lol

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Mellow Momma wrote:
The telling part is...when they try to help out and bring a dish, she gets pissy about that too. Her friends can't win.

I don't know. If someone says they're bringing a certain something and I'm counting on it then yes, it is annoying. How much preparation are these people doing in her kitchen? I have only once in my entire life time used someone's oven at a party. I needed to warm something up. If I can't prepare it, bake it, and bring it without extensive use of their kitchen I don't bring it. That seems pretty simple to me.

If it's a quite warm up in the oven or microwave I don't see a problem. If it needs to be baked for half an hour or totally put together there then yes, problem.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

If I bring something I try to keep it hot until I am walking out the door. I have never considered preparing food at someone's house.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Southern_Belle wrote:
If I bring something I try to keep it hot until I am walking out the door. I have never considered preparing food at someone's house.

Yeah, I don't get that. I can see nuking it for a few minutes to reheat it. I just can't see cooking something for 30 minutes. I can see little things. Putting a dressing on a salad that's already prepared, putting a drizzle on a cake/dessert, or sprinkling cheese on a dish and zapping it for five minutes. I don't get the "preparing whole dishes" thing.

NAOW · Vette's SS

Southern_Belle wrote:
If I bring something I try to keep it hot until I am walking out the door. I have never considered preparing food at someone's house.

Same here. My in laws have done that. Bring a dish and show up 20 minutes late and then need their dish to cook for 20-30 minutes while all the food I prepared gets cold. It is annoying to put all that work into a meal just to have it sit.

Momala · Great cook-happy wife-superb fisherman

FYI - to keep hot dishes hot while they are being transported, try this:

1. Wrap cooked dish in a FULL length of aluminum foil, using what used to be called the "pharmacist's fold". Then roll the sides up, so that even if some of the liquid might spill, it won't get all over your carrying case.

2. Wrap the dish in 3-4 full sheets of newspaper, using masking tape to keep it closed.

3. Wrap the dish in another 3-4 full sheets of newspaper.

Put in your carrying case. This will keep a casserole hot - like just out of the oven hot - for at least 30-45 minutes.

This way, you don't need to use the hostess's oven!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Or you can just use the cooler. Cause a cooler also works as a warmer.

Prep it with a pot of hot water while getting the hot dish closed and ready to go. Put the pan of hot water in the cooler and put the lid on. Then finish and close up whatever you are preparing. Take the pan of hot water out and put the hot dish in.

Put a dish towel on top to absorb any condensation, close the cooler, or warmer now.

And if anything spills, it is contained.

Southern_Belle · Nothing's Impossible

I just wrap towels around it. It's usually not cold enough here to worry.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

True. Things don't cool down that much here either.

We learned how to use the coolers when we had so much to take for the family reunions.

We have a cooler that will hold a body. We can pack it full and everything stays nice and toasty till time to eat.

FNW · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
My way of thinking is, if you like hosting these things, then enjoy it. If you don't. Then you don't.

I have never invited anyone to anything with the idea of them returning the "favor".

This. I never extended an invitation with the expectation of receiving one later.